Too Many People With The Same Perfume
You know what the biggest problem is when I go Job Hunting? The fact that I become horrifically aware of how many people look exactly like me on paper. Trying to make myself look DIFFERENT enough is practically a futile endeavor from the beginning because on paper, I really AM the same as them. I have a degree in a very open category field, and very limited work experience. I don't have any special certificates (yet), and I don't have any really cool internships to wave around.
Have you ever actually gone and looked at those "sample resumes" and "sample cover letters"? Did you ever notice how few of them say, "Yeah, I have no prior work experience and didn't do much beyond just go to class because that in itself took so many hours of my day and I never found anything interesting going on my campus"? How many really take the time to say, "Hey, we understand that you may not have anything going for you on paper, but let's make what you DO have sound interesting!" They all say, "Don't forget to mention the fact that you've been working for your school's publishing company as it's Editor-In-Chief for all four years!" and "Include thoughtful details about yourself like you wrote millions of articles for your local newspaper, and were once featured on television to report a story!" Or even better, mention that Professional Editing Course you took and received awards for, and the three internships you had at different publishing houses!
Yeah, if I HAD all those things, I wouldn't be worried about being unemployed, would I? And if I was, then someone who actually IS like me, who doesn't have any of that stuff, is really shit out of luck, aren't I? It's amazing the way they act like I'm being silly for thinking that it would be enough that I speak multiple languages, graduated from a top university with a degree, held 3 official part time jobs in addition to side jobs like babysitting and housecleaning, and am an intelligent human being. Silly me, I didn't think that I would have to already have had a career magically while I was in college in order to have a career now! I was all disuaded by the fact that everyone kept saying "well, we want you to already HAVE a degree, like, finished, not in-the-works..." Silly me!! I should have understood that this means: "ZOMG YOU MUST SOMEHOW MAGICALLY HAVE SOMEONE ACCEPT YOUR INEXPERIENCE AND LACK OF A DEGREE AND GIVE YOU A JOB ANYWAY!!"
Which, amusingly, is the stage that I'm at now, striking out the "lack of a degree." I don't think having a degree means that doors should magically open for me. Heck, I'm 99% behind the concept that having a degree means shit, knowing at least what getting MINE consisted of, but that doesn't change the fact that for the amount of money that this fucking thing cost, I'm getting shit in return. Seriously. I feel like there should be a Money Back Guarantee involved with degrees. I really, really, really do. If you do not have a job after a sufficient amount of trying (as in, you must apply with reasonable attention to at least 2,000 places within the course of two years), then the University HAS TO REFUND YOUR MONEY. That'll sure as shit make the colleges more interested in making sure that you're sufficienty prepared for the job market when you graduate. They'll be like, "ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY TO GRADUATE?! DID YOU MAKE SURE TO HAVE AT LEAST FIVE JOBS AND TWO INTERNSHIPS?!?!? DID YOU PARTICIPATE IN AT LEAST THREE DIFFERENT PROJECTS OF SUITABLE REVELANCE TO YOUR CHOSEN FIELD?!?!?!!?!?!" And they'll MAKE people hire you--"Zomg hire her pleaze she only has two months left before she gets her monies baaaaaaaack!!$$!!"
Because right now, since no one gives a crap that I have a degree, when they used to tell me that they wouldn't even consider me without a degree, I'm wondering what the point of this whole system is. I've gone through so many different possibilities for jobs...I've checked out all sorts of industries. I've applied to places knowing that I have only a SINGLE requirement that they listed ("Has a B.A." or "Older than 18" or "Is enthusiastic"), and that the chances of them even doing more than glancing at my resume and going, "Wtf is she applying HERE for?" are astronomical. I've applied to places that I've already applied to that NEVER EVEN REJECTED ME. That's how littled they cared about me applying there--couldn't even bother with the already pre-typed message, "Sorry but no."
And I've been doing this for more than a year now. MORE THAN A YEAR. I passed "out of steam" for this boat about four months ago. It's why I've bumped up my mission for grad school, because I just can't keep this up. I have to at least be working on SOMETHING. I can't stand this level of inactivity. So, though it's driving me insane (as I realized yesterday that what I'm basically trying to do in now a month and a half is memorize the same amount of kanji that most native speakers learn over the course of four-six years; all I can think is, sort of inappropriately, "lol"), doing something like studying for the JLPT has given me a purpose. Something to do, because no one will let me prove to them that I can work a job.
And I'm not worried about snagging the job if they'd just give me an interview. I'm amazingly confident, competent, and cheerful. People have tried to MAKE jobs for me before. But, I cannot get to that stage. It's why I tried to walk in to PetSmart, and was promptly told that they do all their hiring online. I've been told this so often that it's maddening. On one hand, I can cover a hell of a lot of ground online. On the other, I LOOK TOO BORING ON PAPER.
No one sees what I had to do, or what kind of work I had to pull off, when I write "English B.A." or even "High school diploma." They don't think about what I had to do in high school to get into UC Irvine. Or what I had to do to go from being a Psych major for two years to an English BA in TWO YEARS. I went through a four year program in half the time because I didn't have enough money to stay for a fifth year. I gave up my dreams of going abroad during college because I didn't have the money, and I knew that being burdened with student loans would be dangerously irresponsible given that I could graduate without ANY debt. And then rather than be a burden on my parents, I shifted my ideas of going abroad without any money.
It's like they just don't understand that to get where I am, to look like I do on paper, as BORING as it looks, required a lot of work and sacrifice. This is one of the major reasons why I'm increasingly of the opinion "Fuck it, do what you want." Because honestly...following those roads, and trying your best, and doing what you're supposed to, and getting through things that cause you great mental anguish, are just going to mean that someone will be waiting at the end of it saying, "Why didn't you do more?"
And after that, all I can think is how I felt at the end of my rope with men, and finding a guy who I could really be with, happily. I was basically resigned to just going, "Okay, unless Prince Awesome (because Charming can go suck a lemon--who in their right mind wants a guy who bases his entire relationship with a girl on how pretty she looks sleeping/dead/etc) comes up to my door and rings the bell and says, 'Hi, I'm Prince Awesome, and I was wondering if you were also Awesome, 'cause I'd like to keep it in the family. Can I take you somewhere with refreshments and/or food so we can compare how awesome we are and see if we're of compatible awesome?' then I'm just going to research how much money I'll have to make to maintain a pride of 10+ cats, given that I want at least most of them to be indoor cats." And then Brian messaged me on facebook, and allowed me to have two kittens (not quite that fast on the timeline of life, but you get the idea).
But, I'm not one of those people who don't understand how statisitics works and thinks that I can now make some sort of all-encompassing statement about 'when you stop looking then you will get what you want' because that's bullshit. If I stop looking for a job, I won't ever find a job. I don't leave the apartment most days! How the hell is stopping looking for a job going to get me a job?! Just because Brian remembered me and we hit it off doesn't mean that some job that I applied to before but didn't get is suddenly going to go, "Hey, remember that one resume we threw out months ago? Let's hire HER!" And I can't get out of the apartment any more than I do because it costs money, money that I do not have. I've stopped volunteering primarily because it costs money, especially in gas, and it's not getting me fucking anywhere. It's not even getting me cool bragging points because it just doesn't look big enough on my resume, and since I'm more concerned with clear-and-concise-one-page-resume at this point (so they'll actually read the fucking thing), I can't just embellish. I have to be in an INTERVIEW FOR THAT. I can go on pure charm in an interview if it comes to that, goddamnit.
In the end, I'm just left with a massive feeling of inadequacy, with a general sense of righteous anger directed at the mass of companies out there who have refused to even give me a chance. But, the worst part? The really, really, really WORST part?
If I were them, I'd throw out my resume too. I obviously don't have the experience they're looking for. On paper.
Have you ever actually gone and looked at those "sample resumes" and "sample cover letters"? Did you ever notice how few of them say, "Yeah, I have no prior work experience and didn't do much beyond just go to class because that in itself took so many hours of my day and I never found anything interesting going on my campus"? How many really take the time to say, "Hey, we understand that you may not have anything going for you on paper, but let's make what you DO have sound interesting!" They all say, "Don't forget to mention the fact that you've been working for your school's publishing company as it's Editor-In-Chief for all four years!" and "Include thoughtful details about yourself like you wrote millions of articles for your local newspaper, and were once featured on television to report a story!" Or even better, mention that Professional Editing Course you took and received awards for, and the three internships you had at different publishing houses!
Yeah, if I HAD all those things, I wouldn't be worried about being unemployed, would I? And if I was, then someone who actually IS like me, who doesn't have any of that stuff, is really shit out of luck, aren't I? It's amazing the way they act like I'm being silly for thinking that it would be enough that I speak multiple languages, graduated from a top university with a degree, held 3 official part time jobs in addition to side jobs like babysitting and housecleaning, and am an intelligent human being. Silly me, I didn't think that I would have to already have had a career magically while I was in college in order to have a career now! I was all disuaded by the fact that everyone kept saying "well, we want you to already HAVE a degree, like, finished, not in-the-works..." Silly me!! I should have understood that this means: "ZOMG YOU MUST SOMEHOW MAGICALLY HAVE SOMEONE ACCEPT YOUR INEXPERIENCE AND LACK OF A DEGREE AND GIVE YOU A JOB ANYWAY!!"
Which, amusingly, is the stage that I'm at now, striking out the "lack of a degree." I don't think having a degree means that doors should magically open for me. Heck, I'm 99% behind the concept that having a degree means shit, knowing at least what getting MINE consisted of, but that doesn't change the fact that for the amount of money that this fucking thing cost, I'm getting shit in return. Seriously. I feel like there should be a Money Back Guarantee involved with degrees. I really, really, really do. If you do not have a job after a sufficient amount of trying (as in, you must apply with reasonable attention to at least 2,000 places within the course of two years), then the University HAS TO REFUND YOUR MONEY. That'll sure as shit make the colleges more interested in making sure that you're sufficienty prepared for the job market when you graduate. They'll be like, "ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY TO GRADUATE?! DID YOU MAKE SURE TO HAVE AT LEAST FIVE JOBS AND TWO INTERNSHIPS?!?!? DID YOU PARTICIPATE IN AT LEAST THREE DIFFERENT PROJECTS OF SUITABLE REVELANCE TO YOUR CHOSEN FIELD?!?!?!!?!?!" And they'll MAKE people hire you--"Zomg hire her pleaze she only has two months left before she gets her monies baaaaaaaack!!$$!!"
Because right now, since no one gives a crap that I have a degree, when they used to tell me that they wouldn't even consider me without a degree, I'm wondering what the point of this whole system is. I've gone through so many different possibilities for jobs...I've checked out all sorts of industries. I've applied to places knowing that I have only a SINGLE requirement that they listed ("Has a B.A." or "Older than 18" or "Is enthusiastic"), and that the chances of them even doing more than glancing at my resume and going, "Wtf is she applying HERE for?" are astronomical. I've applied to places that I've already applied to that NEVER EVEN REJECTED ME. That's how littled they cared about me applying there--couldn't even bother with the already pre-typed message, "Sorry but no."
And I've been doing this for more than a year now. MORE THAN A YEAR. I passed "out of steam" for this boat about four months ago. It's why I've bumped up my mission for grad school, because I just can't keep this up. I have to at least be working on SOMETHING. I can't stand this level of inactivity. So, though it's driving me insane (as I realized yesterday that what I'm basically trying to do in now a month and a half is memorize the same amount of kanji that most native speakers learn over the course of four-six years; all I can think is, sort of inappropriately, "lol"), doing something like studying for the JLPT has given me a purpose. Something to do, because no one will let me prove to them that I can work a job.
And I'm not worried about snagging the job if they'd just give me an interview. I'm amazingly confident, competent, and cheerful. People have tried to MAKE jobs for me before. But, I cannot get to that stage. It's why I tried to walk in to PetSmart, and was promptly told that they do all their hiring online. I've been told this so often that it's maddening. On one hand, I can cover a hell of a lot of ground online. On the other, I LOOK TOO BORING ON PAPER.
No one sees what I had to do, or what kind of work I had to pull off, when I write "English B.A." or even "High school diploma." They don't think about what I had to do in high school to get into UC Irvine. Or what I had to do to go from being a Psych major for two years to an English BA in TWO YEARS. I went through a four year program in half the time because I didn't have enough money to stay for a fifth year. I gave up my dreams of going abroad during college because I didn't have the money, and I knew that being burdened with student loans would be dangerously irresponsible given that I could graduate without ANY debt. And then rather than be a burden on my parents, I shifted my ideas of going abroad without any money.
It's like they just don't understand that to get where I am, to look like I do on paper, as BORING as it looks, required a lot of work and sacrifice. This is one of the major reasons why I'm increasingly of the opinion "Fuck it, do what you want." Because honestly...following those roads, and trying your best, and doing what you're supposed to, and getting through things that cause you great mental anguish, are just going to mean that someone will be waiting at the end of it saying, "Why didn't you do more?"
And after that, all I can think is how I felt at the end of my rope with men, and finding a guy who I could really be with, happily. I was basically resigned to just going, "Okay, unless Prince Awesome (because Charming can go suck a lemon--who in their right mind wants a guy who bases his entire relationship with a girl on how pretty she looks sleeping/dead/etc) comes up to my door and rings the bell and says, 'Hi, I'm Prince Awesome, and I was wondering if you were also Awesome, 'cause I'd like to keep it in the family. Can I take you somewhere with refreshments and/or food so we can compare how awesome we are and see if we're of compatible awesome?' then I'm just going to research how much money I'll have to make to maintain a pride of 10+ cats, given that I want at least most of them to be indoor cats." And then Brian messaged me on facebook, and allowed me to have two kittens (not quite that fast on the timeline of life, but you get the idea).
But, I'm not one of those people who don't understand how statisitics works and thinks that I can now make some sort of all-encompassing statement about 'when you stop looking then you will get what you want' because that's bullshit. If I stop looking for a job, I won't ever find a job. I don't leave the apartment most days! How the hell is stopping looking for a job going to get me a job?! Just because Brian remembered me and we hit it off doesn't mean that some job that I applied to before but didn't get is suddenly going to go, "Hey, remember that one resume we threw out months ago? Let's hire HER!" And I can't get out of the apartment any more than I do because it costs money, money that I do not have. I've stopped volunteering primarily because it costs money, especially in gas, and it's not getting me fucking anywhere. It's not even getting me cool bragging points because it just doesn't look big enough on my resume, and since I'm more concerned with clear-and-concise-one-page-resume at this point (so they'll actually read the fucking thing), I can't just embellish. I have to be in an INTERVIEW FOR THAT. I can go on pure charm in an interview if it comes to that, goddamnit.
In the end, I'm just left with a massive feeling of inadequacy, with a general sense of righteous anger directed at the mass of companies out there who have refused to even give me a chance. But, the worst part? The really, really, really WORST part?
If I were them, I'd throw out my resume too. I obviously don't have the experience they're looking for. On paper.