Updating A Journal
I just realized that my friends on LJ had a whole 2 day gap where NO ONE updated. D= It's awful. I enjoy reading updates as much as I enjoy updating. Sometimes, I like reading more than I like updating when nothing is going on in my life....but, it occurs to me that others may feel the same way. And then I think, aw. Even when nothing is going on, if only for posterity sake I should update. That way I'll know when it was boring too.
Lately I've been in the Let's Revisit The Past kind of mood. It's interesting that I rely on things like LJ and DJ (for older stuff) to look at my past. So, I feel that I need to update, to keep my readers entertained, and to provide more fodder to look back on.
I think one of the reasons I'm so nostalgic lately is that a lot of things are reminding me of the past. For one, a bunch of my family members just joined Facebook--Shae, Laylah, Gene, Jacob...that's in addition to Miki and Elissa, who were already on, and people like Michelle and AV that I have on there if my dad needs/wants to contact me. I have the policy of not adding one's parents to Facebook. That's just...no. I can keep in touch with my mom just fine, thanks. I don't need her knowing every little thing that happens in my life.
And then there's just the whole, "This time last year..." things. I mean, I was in school. Trapped in school. Now I'm free, but the world I'm free in is doing its best to crush me. I just don't understand how you can spend your life doing the right things, and end up getting the short ends of all the straws. So, there is some bitter, "Oh man...if I knew it was going to turn out like this, I wouldn't do it the same way..." thoughts.
On a similar vein, is just the whole...I should remember where I come from, so I don't forget how far I've come. It'll make me feel discouraged if I make the years too short in my memory. I need to remember how long time really was, and how many days I've lived to get here. Lots of things happened to me. Time passes slowly, but quickly at the same time. And we have to live every day, but since we don't remember them all, in our memories, we sell our lives short, thinking we've done so little, when in fact we've done so much. I don't want to get so negative about my life that I think that it's been useless. I had good times. I had difficult times. But, I've been alive. So, I should remember that. Maybe it'll give me the strength to get through these times, filled with so much sorrow and so much happiness all at once.
I can't deny that I'm still happy here in Oregon. I love it. I love the feeling of having chosen where I live, and chosen WELL. But, there have been now several things that dent that happiness. Money crushes happiness like Goliath. It'd be so simple, in a David sense of the word, if I could just get a rock to throw at him, but...I can't. No one will give me a rock. And the one person who gave me a rock, gave me a cactus rock that left thorns in my own hand before I could even throw it. And being sick has set me back weeks. It's just...ridiculous. I need to get these things together, but I don't have all the tools to do so. I just have the plans. And all the blueprints in the world can't make any buildings without materials, so I'm stuck. And that makes me want to go back in time, to fix this. To deal with problems I CAN deal with. But, I'm stuck here instead. I have to deal with what is in front of me, not with what I've already passed.
I would swallow my pride, I would choke on the rinds, the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.
Lately I've been in the Let's Revisit The Past kind of mood. It's interesting that I rely on things like LJ and DJ (for older stuff) to look at my past. So, I feel that I need to update, to keep my readers entertained, and to provide more fodder to look back on.
I think one of the reasons I'm so nostalgic lately is that a lot of things are reminding me of the past. For one, a bunch of my family members just joined Facebook--Shae, Laylah, Gene, Jacob...that's in addition to Miki and Elissa, who were already on, and people like Michelle and AV that I have on there if my dad needs/wants to contact me. I have the policy of not adding one's parents to Facebook. That's just...no. I can keep in touch with my mom just fine, thanks. I don't need her knowing every little thing that happens in my life.
And then there's just the whole, "This time last year..." things. I mean, I was in school. Trapped in school. Now I'm free, but the world I'm free in is doing its best to crush me. I just don't understand how you can spend your life doing the right things, and end up getting the short ends of all the straws. So, there is some bitter, "Oh man...if I knew it was going to turn out like this, I wouldn't do it the same way..." thoughts.
On a similar vein, is just the whole...I should remember where I come from, so I don't forget how far I've come. It'll make me feel discouraged if I make the years too short in my memory. I need to remember how long time really was, and how many days I've lived to get here. Lots of things happened to me. Time passes slowly, but quickly at the same time. And we have to live every day, but since we don't remember them all, in our memories, we sell our lives short, thinking we've done so little, when in fact we've done so much. I don't want to get so negative about my life that I think that it's been useless. I had good times. I had difficult times. But, I've been alive. So, I should remember that. Maybe it'll give me the strength to get through these times, filled with so much sorrow and so much happiness all at once.
I can't deny that I'm still happy here in Oregon. I love it. I love the feeling of having chosen where I live, and chosen WELL. But, there have been now several things that dent that happiness. Money crushes happiness like Goliath. It'd be so simple, in a David sense of the word, if I could just get a rock to throw at him, but...I can't. No one will give me a rock. And the one person who gave me a rock, gave me a cactus rock that left thorns in my own hand before I could even throw it. And being sick has set me back weeks. It's just...ridiculous. I need to get these things together, but I don't have all the tools to do so. I just have the plans. And all the blueprints in the world can't make any buildings without materials, so I'm stuck. And that makes me want to go back in time, to fix this. To deal with problems I CAN deal with. But, I'm stuck here instead. I have to deal with what is in front of me, not with what I've already passed.
I would swallow my pride, I would choke on the rinds, the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.