Why me?
The only thing I can think at this moment is "Why me?" I'm sure everyone's had that thought before. When everything just seems to go wrong all at once.
The year started out pretty good for me. Had a few small ups and downs through the spring and summer, but nothing major. Then it's as if everything takes this huge upswing. I meet a wonderful guy. He's by far the best boyfriend I've ever had. And naturally I fall head over heels in love with him. I'm working hard in school, making really good grades and I know I'm graduating in December with honors. I find a job getting $8/hr to feed and maintain fish and these little crab like creatures not 5 miles from my house. I work 8-12 Mon-Fri, no weekends required. Hot damn life is good!
Then it all falls apart.
We break up. It was the right thing to do, he had a very legitimate, reason, and I'm very glad he was honest with me and did it now instead of waiting. But that still doesn't make it any easier. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't ready for it, and I got my heart broken. No broken is mild. Shattered is better. So now without warning or wanting it, I'm single again. And it's hard. Being alone. Feeling so lonely. Especially during the holiday season and new years, when i thought i'd have someone to snuggle up with and spend time with. And I'm not getting better, or getting over it, or however you want to put it, like I thought I would. I figured after a month I'd be feeling alot better than I actually do. I don't know. Maybe I was just hoping i'd feel a lot better because I'm tired of feeling so rotten all the time. And I know whenever i'm around i'm prolly dampening everyone else's good time, and that make me feel even worse. I know there's nothing to be done about it. Stuff like this takes time. I can't just turn my emotions off. But sometimes I wish I could. I wish i could just make it all go "poof!" and be over it. Anyways, moving on.
Then all the graduation shit happens. We've already been over that, so I won't beat a dead horse.
Then, yesterday, my boss calls and speaks to the full-time guy I work with, Lee. Lee then comes to me and says, "I've got some ba news. Gene just informed me that he's cutting me back to part-time, and today is your last day." Well isn't that nice. With no warning, not even a few days notice, four days before christmas, I'm now unemployed. After buying christmas presents and cards, and I still have cards to buy, right before new years (when i was definitely planning on spending money even though i have no idea what I'm doing yet), I have no income. It's not so much losing the job I'm angry about cause I really couldn't have cared less about it. I was planning on leaving anyway. It's the whole no noice thing that ticks me off. And when Lee pointed this out, my boss pretty much didn't care. I hope his business goes down in fucking flames!
So if you were wondering why I've been thinking "why me?", that's why. And I know people are gonna read this and go "well it could be worse. You could be poor and living on the street. At least your house didn't burn down. (that's for Drew )" And all that's true. But it may surprise you to know that I don't care! It's bad enough right now! I don't need it to be worse! Although with the nonexistent luck I've been having lately, it prolly will get worse.
I hope everyone else is having a MUCH better year and holiday season than I am. And if you see or talk to me, and i'm in a foul mood, please excuse me. I'll try not to take my bad mood out on you, but I can't guarentee anything.
Why me? I wish I knew. I'm gonna go watch movies now. Cause now I'm pissed off and supremely depressed. End rant.
The year started out pretty good for me. Had a few small ups and downs through the spring and summer, but nothing major. Then it's as if everything takes this huge upswing. I meet a wonderful guy. He's by far the best boyfriend I've ever had. And naturally I fall head over heels in love with him. I'm working hard in school, making really good grades and I know I'm graduating in December with honors. I find a job getting $8/hr to feed and maintain fish and these little crab like creatures not 5 miles from my house. I work 8-12 Mon-Fri, no weekends required. Hot damn life is good!
Then it all falls apart.
We break up. It was the right thing to do, he had a very legitimate, reason, and I'm very glad he was honest with me and did it now instead of waiting. But that still doesn't make it any easier. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't ready for it, and I got my heart broken. No broken is mild. Shattered is better. So now without warning or wanting it, I'm single again. And it's hard. Being alone. Feeling so lonely. Especially during the holiday season and new years, when i thought i'd have someone to snuggle up with and spend time with. And I'm not getting better, or getting over it, or however you want to put it, like I thought I would. I figured after a month I'd be feeling alot better than I actually do. I don't know. Maybe I was just hoping i'd feel a lot better because I'm tired of feeling so rotten all the time. And I know whenever i'm around i'm prolly dampening everyone else's good time, and that make me feel even worse. I know there's nothing to be done about it. Stuff like this takes time. I can't just turn my emotions off. But sometimes I wish I could. I wish i could just make it all go "poof!" and be over it. Anyways, moving on.
Then all the graduation shit happens. We've already been over that, so I won't beat a dead horse.
Then, yesterday, my boss calls and speaks to the full-time guy I work with, Lee. Lee then comes to me and says, "I've got some ba news. Gene just informed me that he's cutting me back to part-time, and today is your last day." Well isn't that nice. With no warning, not even a few days notice, four days before christmas, I'm now unemployed. After buying christmas presents and cards, and I still have cards to buy, right before new years (when i was definitely planning on spending money even though i have no idea what I'm doing yet), I have no income. It's not so much losing the job I'm angry about cause I really couldn't have cared less about it. I was planning on leaving anyway. It's the whole no noice thing that ticks me off. And when Lee pointed this out, my boss pretty much didn't care. I hope his business goes down in fucking flames!
So if you were wondering why I've been thinking "why me?", that's why. And I know people are gonna read this and go "well it could be worse. You could be poor and living on the street. At least your house didn't burn down. (that's for Drew )" And all that's true. But it may surprise you to know that I don't care! It's bad enough right now! I don't need it to be worse! Although with the nonexistent luck I've been having lately, it prolly will get worse.
I hope everyone else is having a MUCH better year and holiday season than I am. And if you see or talk to me, and i'm in a foul mood, please excuse me. I'll try not to take my bad mood out on you, but I can't guarentee anything.
Why me? I wish I knew. I'm gonna go watch movies now. Cause now I'm pissed off and supremely depressed. End rant.