Give it back
How many times have a I posted journal entries praying, pleading with him to give me my heart back? Too many - and here is another. I am 21 this year. I have known him for ten years now. And ...
I was walking and talking with J and R toward the bagel stop today; J wanted breakfast. We're laughing about some such or another, and we turn the corner into the arcade, and I immediately get cold chills. I go dead silent as the little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my stomch flops. A moment later, I lock eyes with a guy standing in the center of the arcade - he is on his cell phone, and as our gazes touch and hold, I can see his conversation faulter - he pauses, just as I pause. Suddenly, I realize exactly who I am staring at - it is he who has plagued my heart and mind for so long. I haven't seen him since May. He has a girlfriend. He refuses to speak with me. My pulse speeds up and my skin goes clammy.
"Hey," he says softly to me, barely registering the greeting given him by J and R.
"Hey," I say back, and tear my eyes away - in seconds, he has broken my heart again, and I do not stop shaking until after we leave the Stop, after we visit the Staff Offices, after we are safely back in the office and I am long immersed in paperwork.
Even now, as I sit here writing this, I can recall the look on his face - a mirror image of my own shock - and my hands tremble slightly upon the keys where my tears threaten to fall.
I was walking and talking with J and R toward the bagel stop today; J wanted breakfast. We're laughing about some such or another, and we turn the corner into the arcade, and I immediately get cold chills. I go dead silent as the little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my stomch flops. A moment later, I lock eyes with a guy standing in the center of the arcade - he is on his cell phone, and as our gazes touch and hold, I can see his conversation faulter - he pauses, just as I pause. Suddenly, I realize exactly who I am staring at - it is he who has plagued my heart and mind for so long. I haven't seen him since May. He has a girlfriend. He refuses to speak with me. My pulse speeds up and my skin goes clammy.
"Hey," he says softly to me, barely registering the greeting given him by J and R.
"Hey," I say back, and tear my eyes away - in seconds, he has broken my heart again, and I do not stop shaking until after we leave the Stop, after we visit the Staff Offices, after we are safely back in the office and I am long immersed in paperwork.
Even now, as I sit here writing this, I can recall the look on his face - a mirror image of my own shock - and my hands tremble slightly upon the keys where my tears threaten to fall.