I, I, I, yes it is about me here!
I have so many thoughts, pleas bare with me...
So yesterday I went to a wedding of my cousin's. By the way it was the first wedding that I've *actually* have been too. It was a nice wedding, got to see some family, and I got all dressed up, and in a suit! I looked pretty spiffy. The wedding was nice and I'm happy for my cousin and his wife. So my uncle, Jeff's (my cousin getting married) father, usually isn't in a good mood, but you should have seen him yesterday. He was HAMMERED! At least he doesn't turn into an asshole when he gets drunk. I've never seen him like that before. Here, my uncle, who is a former Marine, getting so drunk, and all because he was happy. Now I've been to a wedding and funerals. I've seen the best of times, and the worst. At least I think I can say that. But seeing my uncle like that made me feel good. I guess it's bad thought that he was drinking, but I don't think it is, he was drinking because he was happy, really happy. It made me feel good because I now know that people do get happy every once in a while. I guess you could say it was comforting.
And my cousin getting married. That made me happy too. It's nice to know that people find other people, especially the one they want to spend their whole life with.
Oh yeah, got some dance lessons from a different cousin.
Today I've learned that you can't have happy with out sad.
When I said that to my sister, I also learned that my family is a bunch of "ok, whatever" people.
I read the big Stunk's paper today, I have to say it was AMAZING! It made me think, and that's good.
Went to the film festival on Friday with Sam and Dan. It was pretty good, other than Writer's Block. I feel so bad for Evan though. But I mean, come ON! How can you not know that your own movie is bad? Oh well, just another picture perfect image of human stupidity(?). It was pretty bad though. I must say though that if Ryan Garcia (sp?) doesn't go though with an acting career, it would be a waste of talent. I think it would also be a waste of talent if he would do musicals! HAHAHA LOL!
I know I'm normally not a pessimist, but alas... I'm really starting to think things aren't going to get any better for me or my family for as long as I have to stay with them. It's not my mom's fault or anything, she just doesn't have the best paying job. I'm so stressed out, and I don't know why I feel I should be, but my mom is so I am. I'm beginning to think that things aren't going to get better, at least for me. I just feel I put up with a lot of shit, and if I'm wasting your time, and your still reading this, I thank you with all my heart. I put up with shit from kids at school, teacher from school, I get mad at people I don't know, I have to put up with shit from home, and it's getting really hard. But you know what, I'm going to keep lying to myself, and say that things will one day get better, they will. I'll join the S.E.A.L.s and that's when they'll get better, that or when I'm out of the Navy. I just have to keep going. I know there are people, people I know and people I have never met, that have stories worse than mine, and I feel guilty writing this. But I had to say it anyway. Never liked Sunday's.
I wrote a poem today, and I'm usually not into poems, but I'll post it anyway, I really like it. Sorry if it's a little long
Walk down this street
Don't look back
There's so much ahead to meet,
Even if now it looks black.
You may trip
You may fall.
But get up each time
Then from the cup of greatness you can sip,
Then you've earned the right to walk tall.
Each time you fall and get up
You prove something to passer-bys:
That you are strong
That nothing will keep you down.
Now don't brush off the dust on your shoulders,
Take it to the next fall and remember last time.
Remember that you you can move boulders,
Remember you can make it without a dime.
Treat who you walk with with respect
Don't get in their way, don't step on their feet
And you'll find people you'll want to walk with
Those along the way you collect
All the more pleasant the migrate
And be weary, some will step on you!
My advice is to these people avoid.
If they should persist
Make sure to it they're stopped!
But with the many problems, there are many more upsides,
Enjoy these, and deal with problems as they come.
So take big strides
And maybe even skip some(?)
Enjoy it while it lasts
For this walk is long
But at the same time short.
So into to the wind your doubts should you cast
And belt out loud a song!
Ah rejoice!
The end of you walk will take you somewhere new
Somewhere unimagined,
After such a hard walk
We'll be able to rest at last.
It's simple, I know, I'm not a poet. I need something to do, when bad things like that are written eyes bleed.
Is it bad to want to blow things up? I don't want to make anything because of two reasons, I don't want to hurt anyone or myself, and I don't want to become one of those rebel kids, it's not my style. I want to be... constructive by being destructive (Sam).
I think I'll try to get a job at Barne's And Nobel's. Then I can start paying for somethings around the house, and do something with the money I make.
I have a new liking to electricians tape, I'll find something to do with it, just watch me.
And the last few lines were written to help jog my memory, because I KNOW I had points to writing this before 10:30, but FUCK I can't remember, sorry for the language, it's really, really making me mad.
See you tomorrow, I'll be in a better mood then. AND I don't have to go to my dad's next weekend! YES!
Good night, and good bye.
-Fare thee well!