(no subject)
I've finally managed to get in to therapy. The first session was me basically telling her why I thought I needed to be there, and then analyzing myself for her. She said I have a pretty good understanding of the way I work, that I've been through a lot, and that I need to re-program my brain a little.
She said one of my big problems is that I'm not valuing myself right now. I'm putting everyone else before me. This has been a life-long thing for me... it's part of who I am. So she told me that I needed to find something and do it for 30 minutes a day, everyday. And that at first I wouldn't be doing it for me... I'd be doing it for her. (This is an excellent form of manipulating my self-sacrificing nature. I normally wouldn't likely take the time to sketch for 30 minutes a day... but because I've been asked by someone else. even told to do it, I'm much more likely.)
I go back again today. It's been 2 weeks since I saw her last. I didn't sketch like I said I would. I did other things, though I feel guilty for not sketching. I thought about making a ton of sketches in an attempt to make it up... but that's essentially defeating the purpose of the exercise. So I will tell her and we will see.
I've been searching for work with little luck. I'm incredibly torn and stressed about my options. I'm thinking about going back to school to study communications because it would be a good companion course for journalism. But I'm not sure if I can afford yet another student loan... let alone do I want to go back to school for another 4 years?
Work isn't really there in my field though... and I don't want to give up and work a crappy call center job for the next 3 years either. (No offense for those of you who've done just that.) So I've been stressing about going back to school... which starts in weeks (not even), trying to ind an in-between job, or being a stay-at-home mom. It would be an easy decision for some people... but I'm not the type that can be just a stay-at-home mom... I've got to do something else too. And I don't want to go to work and do something I hate. I spent enough time struggling to ensure I don't have to do that again.
Life has been so busy, and I'm so unsure of myself and I'm essentially at a fork in the road and need to make some decisions. I have to close the door on some things, and open it on others.
I remember when these decisions were easy. I think being with Michel is what has me stalling... any decision I make will affect his life as well. I'm not just making decisions for myself... I'm deciding for my family.
No pressure...
She said one of my big problems is that I'm not valuing myself right now. I'm putting everyone else before me. This has been a life-long thing for me... it's part of who I am. So she told me that I needed to find something and do it for 30 minutes a day, everyday. And that at first I wouldn't be doing it for me... I'd be doing it for her. (This is an excellent form of manipulating my self-sacrificing nature. I normally wouldn't likely take the time to sketch for 30 minutes a day... but because I've been asked by someone else. even told to do it, I'm much more likely.)
I go back again today. It's been 2 weeks since I saw her last. I didn't sketch like I said I would. I did other things, though I feel guilty for not sketching. I thought about making a ton of sketches in an attempt to make it up... but that's essentially defeating the purpose of the exercise. So I will tell her and we will see.
I've been searching for work with little luck. I'm incredibly torn and stressed about my options. I'm thinking about going back to school to study communications because it would be a good companion course for journalism. But I'm not sure if I can afford yet another student loan... let alone do I want to go back to school for another 4 years?
Work isn't really there in my field though... and I don't want to give up and work a crappy call center job for the next 3 years either. (No offense for those of you who've done just that.) So I've been stressing about going back to school... which starts in weeks (not even), trying to ind an in-between job, or being a stay-at-home mom. It would be an easy decision for some people... but I'm not the type that can be just a stay-at-home mom... I've got to do something else too. And I don't want to go to work and do something I hate. I spent enough time struggling to ensure I don't have to do that again.
Life has been so busy, and I'm so unsure of myself and I'm essentially at a fork in the road and need to make some decisions. I have to close the door on some things, and open it on others.
I remember when these decisions were easy. I think being with Michel is what has me stalling... any decision I make will affect his life as well. I'm not just making decisions for myself... I'm deciding for my family.
No pressure...