For Samantha who requested I post (and you too 'cause I like the cut of your jibb).
Reader,
2008 started out looking like it was going to be a great year. I made three New Years resolutions that are well within my ability to complete. I had managed to find myself a very unlikely girlfriend in a rather unlikely place and I am not ashamed to say that I was thoroughly smitten. Although I was not graduating in May as planned, the extra semester was not without its up sides: namely, more time to spend with said girlfriend. Things looked to be going pretty smoothly and i was eager to see how well things went.
Foolish foolish mortal...
My euphoria lasted for almost a week and a half. I am again single, but, and I am ashamed to admit this(though it comes as no surprise to those who have spoken with me), still thoroughly smitten. However, this situation is also not without its benefits. In my efforts to not over-think things (something always difficult for me), I have thrown myself into both my job, and the least likely to be successful of my resolutions (that being weight lifting). Throwing myself into my job got me a raise (now $8 and hour), and throwing myself into lifting has only injured me once and while it seems to not really be having any effect, I can keep myself going by throwing small shirts into my wardrobe rotation and, for the day, feeling huge. So far all of my resolutions are still in effect and as of 3.5 hours ago, are on schedule. Thoughts of her -space out- still persist and run between joyful recapitulation of the time we shared (most of which are actually before we dated), and horribly emotional self-pity trips that last anywhere from 10 minutes to all day, and are even more annoying to me than they are to the people that I subject to them.
--To you unlucky, not so few, you have my sincere apologies and appreciation for your patience, which I am sure is wearing thin.--
That particular situation is harmful to my psyche because I know that if I were an outsider listening to me rant about how the only thing more pathetic that a man who wants something he thinks he can't have is a man who wants something he knows he can't have, and other such whiny sentiments, I would have physically hurt, and stopped talking to myself a long time ago.
I have learned, again, that I fall hard and fast. I can't force myself to fall for someone and I also have a hell of a hard time getting over them when it doesn't work out.
Now I did get that raise, which really made my day and tipped the scale to the "celebration" side of the "why I'm drink today" scale. But this came with its own set of bad news: My mom, the saint, now has a fracture on her left Pinky knuckle, and I was just informed the other night that my family has been keeping a secret from me: Briana, my sister, has a boyfriend. This in itself is not really enough for me to do more than joke about buying new swords and doing the whole "protective big brother" thing, but there are three additional factors that made this a bigger deal for me:
1) They have apparently been dating since Thanksgiving of last year and I just found out about it.
2) Friends who I don't see that often, or don't come to my house with regularity, knew about this before I did and still said nothing.
3) I only found out about it because people didn't realize I was in the room, which leads me to believe if I hadn't been sitting there I would not know now.
I can easily overlook the fact that I have no idea who this person is or what his intentions for my sibling may be, these things are not supposed to be my business anyway.
What I can't reconcile is that the reason my mother gave me for not telling me was that I was stressed. Granted, last semester was hell on earth for me, and if I hadn't met Scarlett, Tony of Brody, and several other key people, I might not have made it out alive or sane, but during the break I was not stressed at all. As a matter of fact, I was still on my "Scarlett-likes-me-back" high, and that would have been a good time to tell me about Mr. Micheal Jewel.
So while I am mentally wearing myself down through the violent dialog between reason and emotion, and I cannot trust my own blood to let me know if something important is going on, like say, having an inoperable tumor that makes you like the local Christian rock stations, because they are worried I can't handle the pressure of school continually piling work on me (work I can't focus on because of the above problems). 2008 is shaping up to be, at best, no better than past years.
I can still find the silver lining here. The Import Channel store in the mall is closing, because the owner is moving to Florida (I think), so certain items are being marked down like crazy in an attempt to clear shop. Couple that with my convenient raise and I now have more money to spend on "miscellaneous but essential purchases," that could be rather useful in sorting out some of my family issues. Maybe things won't end up so poorly after all. I am still optimistic that 2008 will end in the plus column, even if it doesn't seem so now.
That was Therapeutic. I know it hasn't been that funny or fun to read. Back when this whole thing got started I said I wasn't going to be putting up dramatic things, because mocking my own life is so much more gratifying, but alas no one is perfect, and even I have off years.
Tyler, Bloodied But Unbroken.
2008 started out looking like it was going to be a great year. I made three New Years resolutions that are well within my ability to complete. I had managed to find myself a very unlikely girlfriend in a rather unlikely place and I am not ashamed to say that I was thoroughly smitten. Although I was not graduating in May as planned, the extra semester was not without its up sides: namely, more time to spend with said girlfriend. Things looked to be going pretty smoothly and i was eager to see how well things went.
Foolish foolish mortal...
My euphoria lasted for almost a week and a half. I am again single, but, and I am ashamed to admit this(though it comes as no surprise to those who have spoken with me), still thoroughly smitten. However, this situation is also not without its benefits. In my efforts to not over-think things (something always difficult for me), I have thrown myself into both my job, and the least likely to be successful of my resolutions (that being weight lifting). Throwing myself into my job got me a raise (now $8 and hour), and throwing myself into lifting has only injured me once and while it seems to not really be having any effect, I can keep myself going by throwing small shirts into my wardrobe rotation and, for the day, feeling huge. So far all of my resolutions are still in effect and as of 3.5 hours ago, are on schedule. Thoughts of her -space out- still persist and run between joyful recapitulation of the time we shared (most of which are actually before we dated), and horribly emotional self-pity trips that last anywhere from 10 minutes to all day, and are even more annoying to me than they are to the people that I subject to them.
--To you unlucky, not so few, you have my sincere apologies and appreciation for your patience, which I am sure is wearing thin.--
That particular situation is harmful to my psyche because I know that if I were an outsider listening to me rant about how the only thing more pathetic that a man who wants something he thinks he can't have is a man who wants something he knows he can't have, and other such whiny sentiments, I would have physically hurt, and stopped talking to myself a long time ago.
I have learned, again, that I fall hard and fast. I can't force myself to fall for someone and I also have a hell of a hard time getting over them when it doesn't work out.
Now I did get that raise, which really made my day and tipped the scale to the "celebration" side of the "why I'm drink today" scale. But this came with its own set of bad news: My mom, the saint, now has a fracture on her left Pinky knuckle, and I was just informed the other night that my family has been keeping a secret from me: Briana, my sister, has a boyfriend. This in itself is not really enough for me to do more than joke about buying new swords and doing the whole "protective big brother" thing, but there are three additional factors that made this a bigger deal for me:
1) They have apparently been dating since Thanksgiving of last year and I just found out about it.
2) Friends who I don't see that often, or don't come to my house with regularity, knew about this before I did and still said nothing.
3) I only found out about it because people didn't realize I was in the room, which leads me to believe if I hadn't been sitting there I would not know now.
I can easily overlook the fact that I have no idea who this person is or what his intentions for my sibling may be, these things are not supposed to be my business anyway.
What I can't reconcile is that the reason my mother gave me for not telling me was that I was stressed. Granted, last semester was hell on earth for me, and if I hadn't met Scarlett, Tony of Brody, and several other key people, I might not have made it out alive or sane, but during the break I was not stressed at all. As a matter of fact, I was still on my "Scarlett-likes-me-back" high, and that would have been a good time to tell me about Mr. Micheal Jewel.
So while I am mentally wearing myself down through the violent dialog between reason and emotion, and I cannot trust my own blood to let me know if something important is going on, like say, having an inoperable tumor that makes you like the local Christian rock stations, because they are worried I can't handle the pressure of school continually piling work on me (work I can't focus on because of the above problems). 2008 is shaping up to be, at best, no better than past years.
I can still find the silver lining here. The Import Channel store in the mall is closing, because the owner is moving to Florida (I think), so certain items are being marked down like crazy in an attempt to clear shop. Couple that with my convenient raise and I now have more money to spend on "miscellaneous but essential purchases," that could be rather useful in sorting out some of my family issues. Maybe things won't end up so poorly after all. I am still optimistic that 2008 will end in the plus column, even if it doesn't seem so now.
That was Therapeutic. I know it hasn't been that funny or fun to read. Back when this whole thing got started I said I wasn't going to be putting up dramatic things, because mocking my own life is so much more gratifying, but alas no one is perfect, and even I have off years.
Tyler, Bloodied But Unbroken.