(no subject)
Grrrr! Why does life have to be such a chore? This life is really starting to test my integrity. This life is not an actual life, but a similar type thing that has a predetermined outcome unbeknownsed to me. It is an intricate path laid out by some superior being trying his hand at a self imposed game in which i am a pawn that can be moved any direction at a crazy whim.
How much longer do i have to eat what is constantly piled onto my plate? There is a point in which something is saturated to its total capacity just before one more drop, one more particle is emitted to make it explode. If ever a human being could reach that point, then that is where i am. The worst possible scenario is that i could turn out to be like my parents, and put my children through the greif and torment that was my own, and still is. Despite the profound suckiness of my life-type thing, i never really thought i would actually live to see the day that i would be 22 years old, without a car, without a liscense, having to answer to my parents beck and call, and without a dime to my name. But the worst part is, there is nothing tangeable to cling to. The people who i thought loved me, actually don't, and the people who i thought were my friends are nowhere to be found. I'm tired of fighting. Maybe i should just give in.
silhouettes above the cradle hold me down
they won't let me go the wrong way
my mother taught me all the fables, told me how
in the end all the sinners have to pay
but...
i don't wanna live like my mother
i don't wanna let fear rule my life
and i don't wanna live like my father
i don't wanna give up before i die
he worked so hard his bones are breaking
he wore them down but long ago he lost the feeling
his good intentions leave me shaking, show me how
i don't ever want to end up like he did
and...
when i have kids
i won't put any chains on their wrists, i won't
i'll tell them this
there's nothing in this world that you can't be if you want it enough
~~~Smile Empty Soul, my newest fettish
How much longer do i have to eat what is constantly piled onto my plate? There is a point in which something is saturated to its total capacity just before one more drop, one more particle is emitted to make it explode. If ever a human being could reach that point, then that is where i am. The worst possible scenario is that i could turn out to be like my parents, and put my children through the greif and torment that was my own, and still is. Despite the profound suckiness of my life-type thing, i never really thought i would actually live to see the day that i would be 22 years old, without a car, without a liscense, having to answer to my parents beck and call, and without a dime to my name. But the worst part is, there is nothing tangeable to cling to. The people who i thought loved me, actually don't, and the people who i thought were my friends are nowhere to be found. I'm tired of fighting. Maybe i should just give in.
silhouettes above the cradle hold me down
they won't let me go the wrong way
my mother taught me all the fables, told me how
in the end all the sinners have to pay
but...
i don't wanna live like my mother
i don't wanna let fear rule my life
and i don't wanna live like my father
i don't wanna give up before i die
he worked so hard his bones are breaking
he wore them down but long ago he lost the feeling
his good intentions leave me shaking, show me how
i don't ever want to end up like he did
and...
when i have kids
i won't put any chains on their wrists, i won't
i'll tell them this
there's nothing in this world that you can't be if you want it enough
~~~Smile Empty Soul, my newest fettish