(no subject)
i need to be doing my english paper right now, editing it, but instead i'm going to update a little bit. since i've graduated, i haven't made a lot of new friends, but i'm happy with the way things are going. i've gotten a lot closer to the people i really admired before, and spent much more time with them. no, i'm not only talking about dima (suprise). when i moved to california, i was around sonia 24/7 and we realized we are meant for eachother. we watched amazing movies and did a lot of crazy shit like videotaping the racoon attacking a cat in the gutter. i had to move away from her which made me really sad. but i'll live cuz i know that we won't grow apart, no matter where we are. then i came back to my same group of hs girls minus rush and kerri because they were brave enough to actually stay away from redmond. anyway, keely and karin and i have had some great bonding time at dennys and other places over the last few months. and i've had a really great time. when i first moved back, i really wanted to make new friends, become expanded past the friends i have now, and it was a really stupid idea. i can't go looking for friends, i just have to fall upon them. i think i've become a little bit more mature since i moved back, but i have also become way more selfish. lately i've only been looking out for myself. occasionally i'll be looking out for the kids that i babysit. thats about it. and thats really sad. i need to pay more attention to people besides myself, like my family and friends. and i need to realize that what i told bryant, my favorite preschooler over the past 3 years, that sometimes in life there are things that you aren't going to want to do, but you have to do them anyway. why? just because you have to. and it was funny at the time i told bryant that, he actually listened. and he repeated it to me over the course of last year. i should take my own advice sometime. i still have a lot of maturing to do. i hope it happens soon, at least in the next month because i'll be moving out for good then. i might still need some help. but i'm working on it