Chances Lost, Chances Taken
Title: Chances Lost, Chances Taken
Author: silver222
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG
Summary: Re-write of the elevator scene in 7x12. Callie’s last two lines are never spoken.
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use.
“At some point you’re going to have to forgive me, and it might as well be now because…I am in love with you Calliope and you are in love with me and all I’m asking for is another chance,” Arizona insisted.
“You want another chance?” Callie asked, her feelings wavering between disbelief after how badly she’d been treating Arizona, anger at Arizona and her departure to Africa that she still hadn’t been able to let go, and skepticism as a last ditch attempt at self-protection.
“Yes more than anything I want another chance,” Arizona responded hope shining in her eyes.
Callie gulped, struggling to keep the knot in her throat down as she reached for air. If only it was that easy. If only life did go according to plan. Maybe it did for others, but for Callie, it was as though any time she was on the road to happiness, she was snatched back, told to turn the other direction, down the path of heartbreak, sadness and missed chances.
“You don’t want me back,” Callie whispered sadly shaking her head as she looked towards the floor.
Arizona scoffed, “Uh yes I do. Have you listened to anything I’ve said these last few weeks? I left Africa because I missed you. I came back here for you. I moved into your apartment to be closer to you.”
“You don’t get it. We’re not the same people anymore. I’m not the same person. You may not have been gone for the full three years, but things happened while you were gone Arizona. Things happened, things changed,” Callie admitted sadly trying with all her might to continue to keep Arizona at arm’s length.
“What things?” Arizona asked trying desperately to decipher the cryptic speak from the woman in front of her
Callie scraped and scoffed her shoes on the ground, stalling for time. She wasn’t ready to answer Arizona’s question, to inform her that it hadn’t even taken a month after her departure before Callie had jumped into bed with Mark. It’s not that Callie thought she was completely in the wrong, after all technically she had been single when sleeping with Mark. Technically. She had resorted to falling back on a technicality and she hated herself for it. Because in those moments of quiet self-reflection that had become more prevalent since Arizona had left, she knew that she had to tell Arizona and she knew that this was going to be a huge hurdle to overcome no matter what the status of their relationship was when she slept with Mark. Arizona’s deep seeded fear about Callie realized. She had jumped right into another’s arms, a man’s, but more so one man in particular. And Callie didn’t want to see the pain reflected in Arizona’s eyes, didn’t want to hear the ‘I knew it’ that Arizona was now justified in saying.
“Tell me what I need to do. Please Calliope. Tell me what to do. Because I’m running out of ideas. I will keep apologizing and keep fighting for you every day. But I don’t want to waste any more time apart. I want a life with you and I know you want the same. So why can’t you forgive me?”
The desperate begging tone from the blonde sent Callie over the edge and she crumbled.
“You left me. I dropped everything for you. Everything,” Callie spoke harshly, balling her hands into tight fists to mask the tremble. “My entire life here in Seattle I was leaving behind to be with you. And you left me in an airport. You didn’t even call me when you got there Arizona. Not even an email. You left me and didn’t even look back. You broke my heart like no one has ever done before,” she continued, her shoulders slumping as the anger slowly turned to sadness.
Arizona opened her mouth to respond, but Callie quickly cut her off. “I couldn’t understand why you left the way you did, or why once you were there why you didn’t even email me or ask about me to those you would talk to. But in time I needed to get out of bed, and keep living my life here. I cut my hair, I made significant progress with my research. But every night I still went home and you weren’t there. I closed my eyes at night and I would have these dreams about how your life was in Malawi, the kids you saved, the clinic you established, the people you met that made you forget all about me. You moved on to this unbelievable awesome opportunity. Without so much as a look back, a second thought about all the promises we had made to each other,” Callie continued, feeling lighter at finally letting Arizona hear what she had been through.
Callie knew she needed to keep going, to tell Arizona the secrets she had kept for months. “I went to go visit you. About three days after you left, I got on a plane,” Callie hadn’t told anyone this, not even Mark.
Arizona’s mouth dropped at this confession, “You came to Africa?” she asked, not bothering to hide her shock.
“I got on a plane and flew to England. But I couldn’t get on the connecting flight to Malawi. When I left Seattle, I had convinced myself that if I just got to Malawi, if you could just see me there with you, then everything would be ok. But sometime over the Atlantic Ocean, I start doubting my plan. What if you didn’t want to see me? What if you wouldn’t even talk to me? What if it just made everything worse? All these what if’s ran through my head so I sat in the airport in England for four hours debating my plan. I ended up changing my ticket to come back to Seattle.”
Callie took a deep breath willing her voice to not break on her now. “I came back to Seattle and felt even more alone. I slept with someone…Mark. I slept with Mark. Multiple times,” she felt the need to clarify. Callie really wanted to stop talking but couldn’t seem to stop. She had watched the emotions run through Arizona’s face. Hope, sadness, shock, anger, heartbreak. She forced herself to remain facing Arizona as she spoke, hating every second that went by that she watched the glimmer of hope fade from Arizona’s eyes.
“You don’t have to tell me I’m not perfect. I know I’m not,” Callie whispered in defeat.
“Oh,” Arizona mumbled softly her mind still in shock. She felt like her legs were going to give out from under her. She had spent all day listening to Mark about her flaws. She wanted to hit him with a brick. She wanted Callie to have a best friend that took her out for drinks or shopping when she was brokenhearted over a girl.
She wanted Callie to have gotten on the flight to Malawi.
Just then the elevators doors chimed, signaling a stop as the elevator doors opened. Callie and Arizona didn’t acknowledge the stop, their eyes continued to stay focused on each other.
Outside the doors, Teddy made a move to step onto the elevator before stopping abruptly at the scene before her.
“Oh hey guys,” she greeted oblivious to the tension between the two women before her. She paused after receiving no response, “You know I’m just going to wait for the next one,” she said stepping back out of the way of the doors. “You two just carry on,” she mumbled, sighing to herself as she guessed that another phone call from Arizona was coming her way tonight.
As the elevator doors shut once again, Callie was the one to break the silence.
“I’m sorry too,” Callie admitted. “I know you came back for me. And that does mean a lot. I do want to forgive you. But we both did...things...that hurt each other. Our relationship has this huge hole and part of me doesn’t think that we can get past this. We love each other, but yet we manage to hurt each other to the deepest level.”
Bright blue eyes stared back at her, filled with tears. Just then the elevator doors opened again, this time at the lobby floor. Arizona snapped to attention, suddenly feeling nauseous from the constant up and down the elevator had sent them on the last few minutes.
“I need to get out of here,” she mumbled wrapping her hand around her messenger bag and stepping off the elevators. She bolted towards the waiting area chairs in the lobby, thankful that it was late at night and the area was nearly empty of other people.
Arizona’s sudden movement had startled Callie, who remained frozen to her spot in the elevator. The elevator doors closed shut cutting off Callie’s view of the blonde dashing towards the lobby. Callie took a deep breath, leaning back against the wall of the elevator as it once again moved up the floors. As the doors opened on the 5th floor, and a couple of nurses stepped on, Callie re-grouped not wanting to give any more to the gossip mill than she already had. She smiled back at the nurses and leaned forward to hit the lobby level button once again.
This day had been draining, talking to Arizona had taken the last of her reserves and she just wanted to get out of the hospital and head home where she could take a nice soaking bath. The nurses had gotten off at the 3rd floor, allowing Callie to release a sigh of relief. She felt her shoulders slump forward again, out of physical and emotional exhaustion, and was grateful that the elevator continued to the lobby level with no further stops.
She shifted her purse further onto her shoulder, stepping off the elevator and praying that she didn’t run into any colleagues wanting to stop her on her way out. However, as she walked quickly towards the door, a flash of blonde hair in the chairs to her right caught her attention.
“You’re still here…I thought you had left,” Callie confessed.
Arizona looked up at the woman standing a few steps in front of her, seeing the look of surprise in her eyes but that had done nothing to mask the defeat and sadness that seemed etched into her gorgeous Latina face and body. “I just needed to get off the elevator. I was starting to feel a little woozy,” Arizona admitted.
Callie gave a nod of her head, continuing to stare at Arizona, shifting awkwardly at the nervous tension that existed between the two.
“So what now?” Arizona finally asked.
Callie wrinkled her nose in confusion, not really sure what Arizona wanted. “What?”
“What do we do now? I was going to ask you to grab a drink with me but I’m really not up for going to Joe’s,” Arizona clarified trying to hide the disdain in her voice at the mention of Joe’s and who might else possibly be there. “We could go get coffee, but I’ve had like six cups today so probably should cut myself off at some point.”
“We could get pizza?” Callie interrupted Arizona’s ramble. The pizza shop on the corner was one of their favorite after work date spots. When Callie didn’t feel like cooking or they just wanted a low key night, they would head down to the corner pizza shop and often spend hours laughing and enjoying each other’s company.
“That sounds great,” Arizona agreed but made no attempt to stand up to head outside. Her body wasn’t ready to move yet as she processed all that had just happened and been said in the last few minutes.
Callie sensed Arizona’s hesitation and stepped forward, taking a seat next to Arizona. After a brief pause, she moved her hand to Arizona’s lap taking her left hand in hers and entwining their fingers. Arizona gave her hand a small squeeze in return, glancing briefly down to their joined hands before staring back at the space in front of her.
They had both done things that they wish they could take back. But life didn’t work that way. Life didn’t always go the way one wants it to.
They would sit in those chairs for another thirty minutes. They would sit in silence, their hands joined, an occasional wipe of a stray tear from one’s cheek, their inner thoughts jumbled with too many emotions to have any clarity. They would just sit, together, as others came and went. They would sit until they were both ready. And when they were, they would stand together to head out the door towards the corner pizza shop.
Another chance taken.
Author: silver222
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG
Summary: Re-write of the elevator scene in 7x12. Callie’s last two lines are never spoken.
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use.
“At some point you’re going to have to forgive me, and it might as well be now because…I am in love with you Calliope and you are in love with me and all I’m asking for is another chance,” Arizona insisted.
“You want another chance?” Callie asked, her feelings wavering between disbelief after how badly she’d been treating Arizona, anger at Arizona and her departure to Africa that she still hadn’t been able to let go, and skepticism as a last ditch attempt at self-protection.
“Yes more than anything I want another chance,” Arizona responded hope shining in her eyes.
Callie gulped, struggling to keep the knot in her throat down as she reached for air. If only it was that easy. If only life did go according to plan. Maybe it did for others, but for Callie, it was as though any time she was on the road to happiness, she was snatched back, told to turn the other direction, down the path of heartbreak, sadness and missed chances.
“You don’t want me back,” Callie whispered sadly shaking her head as she looked towards the floor.
Arizona scoffed, “Uh yes I do. Have you listened to anything I’ve said these last few weeks? I left Africa because I missed you. I came back here for you. I moved into your apartment to be closer to you.”
“You don’t get it. We’re not the same people anymore. I’m not the same person. You may not have been gone for the full three years, but things happened while you were gone Arizona. Things happened, things changed,” Callie admitted sadly trying with all her might to continue to keep Arizona at arm’s length.
“What things?” Arizona asked trying desperately to decipher the cryptic speak from the woman in front of her
Callie scraped and scoffed her shoes on the ground, stalling for time. She wasn’t ready to answer Arizona’s question, to inform her that it hadn’t even taken a month after her departure before Callie had jumped into bed with Mark. It’s not that Callie thought she was completely in the wrong, after all technically she had been single when sleeping with Mark. Technically. She had resorted to falling back on a technicality and she hated herself for it. Because in those moments of quiet self-reflection that had become more prevalent since Arizona had left, she knew that she had to tell Arizona and she knew that this was going to be a huge hurdle to overcome no matter what the status of their relationship was when she slept with Mark. Arizona’s deep seeded fear about Callie realized. She had jumped right into another’s arms, a man’s, but more so one man in particular. And Callie didn’t want to see the pain reflected in Arizona’s eyes, didn’t want to hear the ‘I knew it’ that Arizona was now justified in saying.
“Tell me what I need to do. Please Calliope. Tell me what to do. Because I’m running out of ideas. I will keep apologizing and keep fighting for you every day. But I don’t want to waste any more time apart. I want a life with you and I know you want the same. So why can’t you forgive me?”
The desperate begging tone from the blonde sent Callie over the edge and she crumbled.
“You left me. I dropped everything for you. Everything,” Callie spoke harshly, balling her hands into tight fists to mask the tremble. “My entire life here in Seattle I was leaving behind to be with you. And you left me in an airport. You didn’t even call me when you got there Arizona. Not even an email. You left me and didn’t even look back. You broke my heart like no one has ever done before,” she continued, her shoulders slumping as the anger slowly turned to sadness.
Arizona opened her mouth to respond, but Callie quickly cut her off. “I couldn’t understand why you left the way you did, or why once you were there why you didn’t even email me or ask about me to those you would talk to. But in time I needed to get out of bed, and keep living my life here. I cut my hair, I made significant progress with my research. But every night I still went home and you weren’t there. I closed my eyes at night and I would have these dreams about how your life was in Malawi, the kids you saved, the clinic you established, the people you met that made you forget all about me. You moved on to this unbelievable awesome opportunity. Without so much as a look back, a second thought about all the promises we had made to each other,” Callie continued, feeling lighter at finally letting Arizona hear what she had been through.
Callie knew she needed to keep going, to tell Arizona the secrets she had kept for months. “I went to go visit you. About three days after you left, I got on a plane,” Callie hadn’t told anyone this, not even Mark.
Arizona’s mouth dropped at this confession, “You came to Africa?” she asked, not bothering to hide her shock.
“I got on a plane and flew to England. But I couldn’t get on the connecting flight to Malawi. When I left Seattle, I had convinced myself that if I just got to Malawi, if you could just see me there with you, then everything would be ok. But sometime over the Atlantic Ocean, I start doubting my plan. What if you didn’t want to see me? What if you wouldn’t even talk to me? What if it just made everything worse? All these what if’s ran through my head so I sat in the airport in England for four hours debating my plan. I ended up changing my ticket to come back to Seattle.”
Callie took a deep breath willing her voice to not break on her now. “I came back to Seattle and felt even more alone. I slept with someone…Mark. I slept with Mark. Multiple times,” she felt the need to clarify. Callie really wanted to stop talking but couldn’t seem to stop. She had watched the emotions run through Arizona’s face. Hope, sadness, shock, anger, heartbreak. She forced herself to remain facing Arizona as she spoke, hating every second that went by that she watched the glimmer of hope fade from Arizona’s eyes.
“You don’t have to tell me I’m not perfect. I know I’m not,” Callie whispered in defeat.
“Oh,” Arizona mumbled softly her mind still in shock. She felt like her legs were going to give out from under her. She had spent all day listening to Mark about her flaws. She wanted to hit him with a brick. She wanted Callie to have a best friend that took her out for drinks or shopping when she was brokenhearted over a girl.
She wanted Callie to have gotten on the flight to Malawi.
Just then the elevators doors chimed, signaling a stop as the elevator doors opened. Callie and Arizona didn’t acknowledge the stop, their eyes continued to stay focused on each other.
Outside the doors, Teddy made a move to step onto the elevator before stopping abruptly at the scene before her.
“Oh hey guys,” she greeted oblivious to the tension between the two women before her. She paused after receiving no response, “You know I’m just going to wait for the next one,” she said stepping back out of the way of the doors. “You two just carry on,” she mumbled, sighing to herself as she guessed that another phone call from Arizona was coming her way tonight.
As the elevator doors shut once again, Callie was the one to break the silence.
“I’m sorry too,” Callie admitted. “I know you came back for me. And that does mean a lot. I do want to forgive you. But we both did...things...that hurt each other. Our relationship has this huge hole and part of me doesn’t think that we can get past this. We love each other, but yet we manage to hurt each other to the deepest level.”
Bright blue eyes stared back at her, filled with tears. Just then the elevator doors opened again, this time at the lobby floor. Arizona snapped to attention, suddenly feeling nauseous from the constant up and down the elevator had sent them on the last few minutes.
“I need to get out of here,” she mumbled wrapping her hand around her messenger bag and stepping off the elevators. She bolted towards the waiting area chairs in the lobby, thankful that it was late at night and the area was nearly empty of other people.
Arizona’s sudden movement had startled Callie, who remained frozen to her spot in the elevator. The elevator doors closed shut cutting off Callie’s view of the blonde dashing towards the lobby. Callie took a deep breath, leaning back against the wall of the elevator as it once again moved up the floors. As the doors opened on the 5th floor, and a couple of nurses stepped on, Callie re-grouped not wanting to give any more to the gossip mill than she already had. She smiled back at the nurses and leaned forward to hit the lobby level button once again.
This day had been draining, talking to Arizona had taken the last of her reserves and she just wanted to get out of the hospital and head home where she could take a nice soaking bath. The nurses had gotten off at the 3rd floor, allowing Callie to release a sigh of relief. She felt her shoulders slump forward again, out of physical and emotional exhaustion, and was grateful that the elevator continued to the lobby level with no further stops.
She shifted her purse further onto her shoulder, stepping off the elevator and praying that she didn’t run into any colleagues wanting to stop her on her way out. However, as she walked quickly towards the door, a flash of blonde hair in the chairs to her right caught her attention.
“You’re still here…I thought you had left,” Callie confessed.
Arizona looked up at the woman standing a few steps in front of her, seeing the look of surprise in her eyes but that had done nothing to mask the defeat and sadness that seemed etched into her gorgeous Latina face and body. “I just needed to get off the elevator. I was starting to feel a little woozy,” Arizona admitted.
Callie gave a nod of her head, continuing to stare at Arizona, shifting awkwardly at the nervous tension that existed between the two.
“So what now?” Arizona finally asked.
Callie wrinkled her nose in confusion, not really sure what Arizona wanted. “What?”
“What do we do now? I was going to ask you to grab a drink with me but I’m really not up for going to Joe’s,” Arizona clarified trying to hide the disdain in her voice at the mention of Joe’s and who might else possibly be there. “We could go get coffee, but I’ve had like six cups today so probably should cut myself off at some point.”
“We could get pizza?” Callie interrupted Arizona’s ramble. The pizza shop on the corner was one of their favorite after work date spots. When Callie didn’t feel like cooking or they just wanted a low key night, they would head down to the corner pizza shop and often spend hours laughing and enjoying each other’s company.
“That sounds great,” Arizona agreed but made no attempt to stand up to head outside. Her body wasn’t ready to move yet as she processed all that had just happened and been said in the last few minutes.
Callie sensed Arizona’s hesitation and stepped forward, taking a seat next to Arizona. After a brief pause, she moved her hand to Arizona’s lap taking her left hand in hers and entwining their fingers. Arizona gave her hand a small squeeze in return, glancing briefly down to their joined hands before staring back at the space in front of her.
They had both done things that they wish they could take back. But life didn’t work that way. Life didn’t always go the way one wants it to.
They would sit in those chairs for another thirty minutes. They would sit in silence, their hands joined, an occasional wipe of a stray tear from one’s cheek, their inner thoughts jumbled with too many emotions to have any clarity. They would just sit, together, as others came and went. They would sit until they were both ready. And when they were, they would stand together to head out the door towards the corner pizza shop.
Another chance taken.