A long, bad road
I don't miss being a cat owner. I don't miss the need to be there every morning and every night, in order to give them their fresh can of food. I have more freedom to go where I want and stay where I want, without worrying about the cats getting fed. I don't have to deal with the smell of kitty litter, with the chore of cleaning up cat poop. I don't have to worry about tripping over a cat or brushing cat fur off my clothing, or wonder constantly what my cats are doing, hoping that this fight isn't a for-real fight or that they're not annoying my roommates. I don't have to kick them out of the kitchen anymore. I can leave my food sitting out without having to worry if they're going to try to eat it.
And yet...I miss Marty greeting me at the door whenever I came home (sometimes at a flying leap!). I miss Nippers sitting on my lap and keeping me warm while I sit at the computer. I miss looking over and seeing a kitty napping, looking content and for all the world exhausted beyond comprehension. I miss their eyes, begging me for attention, and their faces when they get it. I miss chasing Marty around. I miss Nippers sleeping by my pillow. My life is better without cats, but there are some things that I miss.
Sonja is a wonderful creature, don't get me wrong. She's cute, and she's curious, and watches me. But she's not cuddly. She can be held, but she doesn't like it. She sits still and prays to her lizard gods that I'm not about to eat her. All she wants is a warm basking spot and some crickets, and she has that. She doesn't even notice that it's me giving her crickets. She's just excited about crickets.
I miss the snuggly neediness of a mammal.
And sometimes -- like today -- I wander around Petsmart, and I find myself thinking, I have that spare 10 gallon tank, and these animals, mice, gerbils, they're cute, and they're furry, and they're not that expensive. I could just have one, one male, he'd fit in a 10 gallon tank just fine. Then I remind myself that I'm just about to quit work and go to school fulltime, and that books, food, my car, and Sonja are going to be more than enough expenses. Then I get into my car and I think, well he wouldn't be that expensive would he?
It's a bad thought pattern to go down. Maybe it will pass in a few hours. Maybe it will pass by tomorrow. Coming home to an empty, quiet apartment didn't help. I spent all day at work, I'm going to visit my family tomorrow, I spent four days in a row with James earlier this week. I shouldn't feel so lonely.
And yet...I miss Marty greeting me at the door whenever I came home (sometimes at a flying leap!). I miss Nippers sitting on my lap and keeping me warm while I sit at the computer. I miss looking over and seeing a kitty napping, looking content and for all the world exhausted beyond comprehension. I miss their eyes, begging me for attention, and their faces when they get it. I miss chasing Marty around. I miss Nippers sleeping by my pillow. My life is better without cats, but there are some things that I miss.
Sonja is a wonderful creature, don't get me wrong. She's cute, and she's curious, and watches me. But she's not cuddly. She can be held, but she doesn't like it. She sits still and prays to her lizard gods that I'm not about to eat her. All she wants is a warm basking spot and some crickets, and she has that. She doesn't even notice that it's me giving her crickets. She's just excited about crickets.
I miss the snuggly neediness of a mammal.
And sometimes -- like today -- I wander around Petsmart, and I find myself thinking, I have that spare 10 gallon tank, and these animals, mice, gerbils, they're cute, and they're furry, and they're not that expensive. I could just have one, one male, he'd fit in a 10 gallon tank just fine. Then I remind myself that I'm just about to quit work and go to school fulltime, and that books, food, my car, and Sonja are going to be more than enough expenses. Then I get into my car and I think, well he wouldn't be that expensive would he?
It's a bad thought pattern to go down. Maybe it will pass in a few hours. Maybe it will pass by tomorrow. Coming home to an empty, quiet apartment didn't help. I spent all day at work, I'm going to visit my family tomorrow, I spent four days in a row with James earlier this week. I shouldn't feel so lonely.