funny how things go...
I just decided to read some of the recent entries of Molly's LJ ( now that I have her SN) and I can fully understand how she's been feeling. I've been through a lot of that..(except for the whole not being able to find a job part....I guess I'm gifted at getting hired...then again...my standards aren't the highest)I'd recommend a job with me, if we were hiring and she had transportation...hey I could help her with that, too. But, alas, even my measley little security job is feeling the pinch of the economy. I'm a bit scared, now, to talk to her alone...mainly because I'm afraid to find out if he's(Jaysen) been a lie. If what I see when I'm with him is just an act. That would be awful....not devastating, though, I've been through David....that man's lies were a lesson in pain. My own issues with lies stem from him. Jaysen seems genuinely in Love with me. He says he wants to take care of me and Jocy....and I will admit, I want that despite what everyone says I should do. I will still work, of course, but I am perfectly happy being his emotional support...I guess that's why when he gets upset it bugs me...because there's sometimes nothing I can do. He gets that goofy grin on his face when he looks at me sometimes. I would be mad if I found out that what he's been telling me about their relationship were lies or if this new job with CMHA were a lie...unnecessary lies bother me the most. We've both discussed the possiblity of experimenting later on in our relationship, with other people involved. ONLY with true consent, if I had even a question that he objected , I won't. He's been hurt by cheating..not by Molly, she's been great, but by some of his other exes. I'm still dealing with the fact that being with him means I will never be pregnant again. I won't ask him to reverse the surgery...that's too much pain for my selfishness, even if he decided in the future it was okay. I want to sing for Molly. Unfortunately, I sing the best on Friday nights when I go out with my friends...I'd like her to meet them....they'd be good for her. There are days I want to help her. Anyone who knows my magick knows what i do best. I would want to do that for her. Help her heal. There is so much emotion there. All emotion is neither good or bad. It's just how it's used that makes it good or bad. I've already told Jaysen this. He so wants to remain her friend. Oh well, it looks like I've written a book! More later.....CIAO!