ugh
My back hurts. I mowed the lawn today. Slower than usual, though, because Jaysen came over and I am easily distracted. It's like a drug. When he's not around , I crave him. I miss him. When he's there, I just can't believe how I feel. I just know I don't want to ever let it go or ruin it. I just want to be completely wrapped up in him. I don't want to cause problems in his life...but it seems Molly gets upset whenever he spends time with me. It's usually over stuff like space and the kids, and nothing to do with me, but since I can't fix it or help....well, I just cherish the time I do have with him. I know it bothers me to even think that he and I won't work...so I don't think it. I can see me with him for a long time. I hope for it, actually. I know I love him. I can see he loves me when I look into his eyes.....I can see a look of....wonder there. Like he can't believe I even exist let alone am with him. I feel the same way. Every so often, the doubt creeps in...telling me there's no way he can be for real...that's he a liar like the rest. Then I remember that not all of the guys I was with were liars...and so there's a really good chance he's for real. Then I close my eyes and remember our "intimate" moments and I get a tingle right through me. It's exciting. I'm begging myself not to screw this up. Just to relax and let happen what is meant to. I can picture a future where I STILL feel this way about him. I dunno. Well, on another subject, sort of...Jaysen was talking about his friend, Cosmic. Cosmic's a pretty cool guy, so I think. Jaysen was mentioning how Cosmic needs a woman in his life. And the type of woman he likes. For some crazy reason, I thought of Sabrina. But I don't know if she'd go for him .... I don't even know if she's single or not. Just a brief matchmaker moment...I'll let it pass. Must be going to bed, now....CIAO!