I must be crazy
Random thoughts invade my brain as attempt to sleep. Sleep takes over. Television images impaling my senses. I live and breathe. Barely standing the thought of reality. Need a new sense of being. Need a new sense.....oh shit. Wishing I had something I never will. Something impossible.An image. All my life been doing this. Driving myself into insanity. I think I'd be a stalker if I were close enough, or had the guts. Hate myself....my body is not what it should be, yet it is what I made of it. I am strangely beautiful in my mind. He sees that, in my mind. Reality begs to differ. Remaining inside my satin sheets. I can't be deluded anymore there. Or is it the other way round? I can be deluded there, with my eyes closed and legs open. Just when the alarm rings, reality breaks in and I'm forced to live it. Just once, I would like reality to be livable.Is it possible? I jump on the bed in frustration and fall to the bed exhausted. I am going nowhere. Give me something to paint. Give me a pencil. Get it out. Get out. Love heartlessly. Images. On the TV screen. Invade my mind. He's there. There he will stay. Forever intangible. Forever impossible. Obsessing. Then reality comes and brings me another option.....shall I forget this fantasy and find realtiy again? Am I too far gone? Am I sleeping? I cannot cry. I just dream. Ciao!