(no subject)
Well the last few weeks have certainly been busy. I'm not even sure where to start...
I finally realized that Trent is not where I'm supposed to be. It took me a few years, but I figured it out. Maybe it was the fact that I'm repeating two courses this year. Maybe it was the fact that Trent finally noticed how horrible my average is. Maybe it was seeing a close friend who also wasn't meant for university graduate with top marks from a program she really enjoys. Who knows. But whatever it was, I've applied to the two closest college that offer the program I want to do, Veterinary Technology. So maybe I'll be in Kingston this time next year, or Ridgetown, or at home, doing the course online (surprisingly, not my first choice.)
As much as I want to do this, I want to get out of university, do this course, get working at a job I enjoy and get on with my life, I'm ... I don't know how to describe it. Not scared exactly...
I don't want to move away. At all.
As much as I complain about Peterbrorough, I've lived here my entire life. Everyone I know & love (with very few exceptions) are here. I don't want to move to a strange city where I know at best, one or two people. I want to move out of my house and live on my own, sure, but I want to do that HERE, not hours away from everyone I care about.
I don't mean to offend anyone (Jen in particular, you know you're one of my close friends,) but having one good friend in the city doesn't compare to having parents, siblings, old friends, even just the ability to walk down the street and known the odds are good that I'll recognize someone I see.
For a person who loves being alone so much, I'm surprisingly ... clingy? social? I'm not sure of the word to describe what I mean. I love knowing that even though weeks may pass without seeing friends, I can drop in on a moments notice and visit. I love knowing that, even if we plan to spend his days off together, I can spontaneously pick up my boyfriend from work, or have him call and say "I got off early, let's do something tonight."
I don't trust my ability to manage a steady job and school at the same time, but that's what I'd have to do. I panic at the thought of being in a group of stangers, but that's exactly where I'm sending myself.
I've been through such hard times in my relationship, so many ups and downs, more than I can ever explain, and now that things are finally going so well, and we're closer than ever before, I'm going to move away? It's crazy, he's the best thing in my life right now, and I don't want to be several hours drive away from him. I can't ask him to come with me, to leave behind his job, his business, and all his friends & family, just because I'm scared to lose him.
I wish there was some other way to do this. I've tried so hard to find an alternative, but my choices are either spend two years in school five hours away, or three years two hours away. I don't like either of those choices, but I can't find any alternative.
I just wish I knew what to do.
I finally realized that Trent is not where I'm supposed to be. It took me a few years, but I figured it out. Maybe it was the fact that I'm repeating two courses this year. Maybe it was the fact that Trent finally noticed how horrible my average is. Maybe it was seeing a close friend who also wasn't meant for university graduate with top marks from a program she really enjoys. Who knows. But whatever it was, I've applied to the two closest college that offer the program I want to do, Veterinary Technology. So maybe I'll be in Kingston this time next year, or Ridgetown, or at home, doing the course online (surprisingly, not my first choice.)
As much as I want to do this, I want to get out of university, do this course, get working at a job I enjoy and get on with my life, I'm ... I don't know how to describe it. Not scared exactly...
I don't want to move away. At all.
As much as I complain about Peterbrorough, I've lived here my entire life. Everyone I know & love (with very few exceptions) are here. I don't want to move to a strange city where I know at best, one or two people. I want to move out of my house and live on my own, sure, but I want to do that HERE, not hours away from everyone I care about.
I don't mean to offend anyone (Jen in particular, you know you're one of my close friends,) but having one good friend in the city doesn't compare to having parents, siblings, old friends, even just the ability to walk down the street and known the odds are good that I'll recognize someone I see.
For a person who loves being alone so much, I'm surprisingly ... clingy? social? I'm not sure of the word to describe what I mean. I love knowing that even though weeks may pass without seeing friends, I can drop in on a moments notice and visit. I love knowing that, even if we plan to spend his days off together, I can spontaneously pick up my boyfriend from work, or have him call and say "I got off early, let's do something tonight."
I don't trust my ability to manage a steady job and school at the same time, but that's what I'd have to do. I panic at the thought of being in a group of stangers, but that's exactly where I'm sending myself.
I've been through such hard times in my relationship, so many ups and downs, more than I can ever explain, and now that things are finally going so well, and we're closer than ever before, I'm going to move away? It's crazy, he's the best thing in my life right now, and I don't want to be several hours drive away from him. I can't ask him to come with me, to leave behind his job, his business, and all his friends & family, just because I'm scared to lose him.
I wish there was some other way to do this. I've tried so hard to find an alternative, but my choices are either spend two years in school five hours away, or three years two hours away. I don't like either of those choices, but I can't find any alternative.
I just wish I knew what to do.