Don't try to fix something that isn't already broken.
You know when they say, "Don't try and fix something that isn't already broken"? Well, I just broken that rule BIG TIME. And I don't think there's going to be any way for apologies and mending things for awhile between my mom and myself. I pretty much just screwed things up for us the day before Mother's Day.
I have to be the biggest, most sensitive, selfish and emotional idiot in the world right about now, not to mention the queen of making bad decisions. How it happened was the fact that I didn't want to go on the Utah trip because I didn't feel up to riding in a car for several hours, no less hacking it out in the wilderness when I don't feel well as it is. I absolutely love nature and I haven't been to Zion since I was younger, but I felt like I wasn't able to last long out there today without feeling shitty through the whole trip.
My mother came over today, with her boyfriend, boyfriend's daughter, and my aunt, and they wanted me to go with them to the movies and lunch. I was not feeling good as it was, a little reluctant, but figured it sounded like a good thing to do since it was just for a couple of hours. Well, it isn't very nice to cancel plans with another side of your family to do things with the other side, even though I rarely even see my mother and my aunt for that matter. I couldn't help but feel really guilty for doing that, especially when Tyler was a little upset to know that the reason why I stayed home was because I couldn't make it up to Zion for the day, but he eventually understood how I haven't seen my family, and he told me to just have a good day.
Due to myself already on that time of the month, and with all the stress from finals and work, I couldn't help but break down. My emotions and my guilt got the best of me, and my mom specifically put it as them (herself, my aunt, and her boyfriend) looking like "the bad guys" of the situation, which wasn't the case at all. I explained to them it was all me, which it always is, with my freak weirdo emotions and how they just keep going consistently. She then began bringing up past matters with the last event that happened with Mother's Day last year, and then began bringing up irrelevant things from the past that didn't necessarily matter. She began to personally give low blows to myself and Tyler, assuming that he was the one making me royally upset when he completely understood toward the end of matters. The day ended where I had to just leave in the middle of the movie, with my mother telling me to never call her, ask her, or do anything for her again, and just told me to go.
2010 had a great start, and now it seemed like it burned down to shit for me. Everyone was getting back in touch, even my aunt and my mom who haven't talked or seen my grand-dad in years have gotten in touch again, but now I've created this awkward rift between my mom and myself that I don't know if I can even mend back together. Great fucking job, right? I hate how sensitive my emotions could get, and I wish I could have a little more control over them in the right moments, but sometimes they can't and they just come out freely.
My realization was the expense of myself possibly damaging my relationship with my mother for a very, very long time.
Just fucking great. And I take 100% responsibility for it.
I have to be the biggest, most sensitive, selfish and emotional idiot in the world right about now, not to mention the queen of making bad decisions. How it happened was the fact that I didn't want to go on the Utah trip because I didn't feel up to riding in a car for several hours, no less hacking it out in the wilderness when I don't feel well as it is. I absolutely love nature and I haven't been to Zion since I was younger, but I felt like I wasn't able to last long out there today without feeling shitty through the whole trip.
My mother came over today, with her boyfriend, boyfriend's daughter, and my aunt, and they wanted me to go with them to the movies and lunch. I was not feeling good as it was, a little reluctant, but figured it sounded like a good thing to do since it was just for a couple of hours. Well, it isn't very nice to cancel plans with another side of your family to do things with the other side, even though I rarely even see my mother and my aunt for that matter. I couldn't help but feel really guilty for doing that, especially when Tyler was a little upset to know that the reason why I stayed home was because I couldn't make it up to Zion for the day, but he eventually understood how I haven't seen my family, and he told me to just have a good day.
Due to myself already on that time of the month, and with all the stress from finals and work, I couldn't help but break down. My emotions and my guilt got the best of me, and my mom specifically put it as them (herself, my aunt, and her boyfriend) looking like "the bad guys" of the situation, which wasn't the case at all. I explained to them it was all me, which it always is, with my freak weirdo emotions and how they just keep going consistently. She then began bringing up past matters with the last event that happened with Mother's Day last year, and then began bringing up irrelevant things from the past that didn't necessarily matter. She began to personally give low blows to myself and Tyler, assuming that he was the one making me royally upset when he completely understood toward the end of matters. The day ended where I had to just leave in the middle of the movie, with my mother telling me to never call her, ask her, or do anything for her again, and just told me to go.
2010 had a great start, and now it seemed like it burned down to shit for me. Everyone was getting back in touch, even my aunt and my mom who haven't talked or seen my grand-dad in years have gotten in touch again, but now I've created this awkward rift between my mom and myself that I don't know if I can even mend back together. Great fucking job, right? I hate how sensitive my emotions could get, and I wish I could have a little more control over them in the right moments, but sometimes they can't and they just come out freely.
My realization was the expense of myself possibly damaging my relationship with my mother for a very, very long time.
Just fucking great. And I take 100% responsibility for it.