Never ending nights of the Night Owl
I can't sleep lately. Well I can, but it takes forever to fall asleep and then like usual I just can't get up once I do sleep. But lately I think the reason I can't get up is cause I'm not feeling rested from my sleep. There usually really heavy and awkward sleeps, dreams are more vivid, I can feel and remember them....but they don't feel more special or anything, I'm just more aware. Should I sleep longer tomorrow? or try not to sleep much at all? I'm pretty sure I'm not getting sick or anything like that. So I don't know what it could be, other than winter taking it tole. T_T Could it be loneliness? I don't think I would be lonely enough to not be able to sleep well. And I know it's not something lame like I'm in love cause there isn't anyone that I even have a major crush on. Maybe it's boredom of life? Possible, but I just beat a new game and I'm already start a decent chunk of new one. Hmmmmmmmmm....well if it is boredom I'm sure things are on there way to change, whether I like it or not. (stupid phil *grumble grumble*) But it's for the best, right?
Damn it, stupid up beat punk rock music, now I'm getting all bouncy in my insomnia.
Okay maybe it is loneliness that's keeping me up. As much as I hate to admit it. I'm still okay with being single don't get me wrong....but it's starting to get to me T_T I just don't want to have some stupid fling that doesn't mean anything cause I know that will break me so much more that being by myself will be. I find it a little funny that I keep lying to myself in silly little ways. More just pretending I don't know why I do things, or just ignoring why. Okay that was just pointless and lame to right but I'm just trying to fill the empty space. Not that I have to, just feel like typing more and more and mroe and moraen aglsdfkjd........okay maybe I should at least type words still. Haha I'm so lame...It's little like I'm the opposite or Mike's theory on girls....and yet exactly the same....OU PARADOX!!
I want to do something tomorrow....but I don't know what or if I will even wake up to do something.....I'll probably end up getting out of bed in time to go to curling, come back and play FFX till 6am....what do I win if I get it right?? hehe more mind wandering wakeful nights? Sounds good to me. No not at all. So I have to change it right? And only I can really? But at the same time does it really matter if I'm up only at night? As long as I stop when I have to go to school of work during the day? Ahhh a day job that is one thing I need to work on. Do I cave in and work at safeway or something like that, or still try for something just as lame that I might like a bit better? Either way that is one thing I need to try and wake up for, unless I work at sev or petro on graveyard shifts O_o
It seems like I'm really upset or something doesn't it? Cause I'm not really, like I seem hopeless I'm still at ease with everything, I just need and want to change my current direction. So don't get me wrong, I'm doing great still. Work is annoying, but when is it not, and I don't mind working I just would prefer doing stuff that's more fun hehe. Which is only human of course. And even though I'm scared of things to come and how life will change. I know it will work out in it's own way. I think I really have grown in the past couple years. I'm just general content with life and how it has been and how it will be. I do still worry, but not as much as I used to, and half of it is just cause I don't know what else to think about other then the future and what's to come.
Now I'm starting to ramble and not make sense. Thoughts are just streaming out and that doesn't usually work out for logical entries. But who wants to make sense at 5am....bah it's 5 already...almost....I really need to get to bed, but how long till my brain drifts off to unconsciousness. Well I'll just have to find out right?
Oh dang I thought I closed this window...phew.....hehe I kinda got distracted with music again, I do that too much hehe....30 minutes just flew by *sigh* now I'm hungry...and my moms gonna wake up and shake her head at me for staying up all night again.
Damn it, stupid up beat punk rock music, now I'm getting all bouncy in my insomnia.
Okay maybe it is loneliness that's keeping me up. As much as I hate to admit it. I'm still okay with being single don't get me wrong....but it's starting to get to me T_T I just don't want to have some stupid fling that doesn't mean anything cause I know that will break me so much more that being by myself will be. I find it a little funny that I keep lying to myself in silly little ways. More just pretending I don't know why I do things, or just ignoring why. Okay that was just pointless and lame to right but I'm just trying to fill the empty space. Not that I have to, just feel like typing more and more and mroe and moraen aglsdfkjd........okay maybe I should at least type words still. Haha I'm so lame...It's little like I'm the opposite or Mike's theory on girls....and yet exactly the same....OU PARADOX!!
I want to do something tomorrow....but I don't know what or if I will even wake up to do something.....I'll probably end up getting out of bed in time to go to curling, come back and play FFX till 6am....what do I win if I get it right?? hehe more mind wandering wakeful nights? Sounds good to me. No not at all. So I have to change it right? And only I can really? But at the same time does it really matter if I'm up only at night? As long as I stop when I have to go to school of work during the day? Ahhh a day job that is one thing I need to work on. Do I cave in and work at safeway or something like that, or still try for something just as lame that I might like a bit better? Either way that is one thing I need to try and wake up for, unless I work at sev or petro on graveyard shifts O_o
It seems like I'm really upset or something doesn't it? Cause I'm not really, like I seem hopeless I'm still at ease with everything, I just need and want to change my current direction. So don't get me wrong, I'm doing great still. Work is annoying, but when is it not, and I don't mind working I just would prefer doing stuff that's more fun hehe. Which is only human of course. And even though I'm scared of things to come and how life will change. I know it will work out in it's own way. I think I really have grown in the past couple years. I'm just general content with life and how it has been and how it will be. I do still worry, but not as much as I used to, and half of it is just cause I don't know what else to think about other then the future and what's to come.
Now I'm starting to ramble and not make sense. Thoughts are just streaming out and that doesn't usually work out for logical entries. But who wants to make sense at 5am....bah it's 5 already...almost....I really need to get to bed, but how long till my brain drifts off to unconsciousness. Well I'll just have to find out right?
Oh dang I thought I closed this window...phew.....hehe I kinda got distracted with music again, I do that too much hehe....30 minutes just flew by *sigh* now I'm hungry...and my moms gonna wake up and shake her head at me for staying up all night again.