hmm...

[sillysprite]

well today i sent jess an article for rockpulse about teh day that changed my life. i love talking about it... it is the most amazing thing that happened in my life... one day... that changed EVERYTHING about me forever... and yet i fel my article is the epitomy of crapness. i was feeling really out of it that day and nothing i typed made any sense... i dont think i culd even type properly that day. or any day for that matter i guess... my story does not do my story justice... i idnt manage to get anything i wanted to across properly... and i forgot what the reason was for me typing out all that shit. even though jess and loz said they thaught it was good, and i inspired loz to start up krazy kwotes again... i guess they know me. and they didnt even know all the stuff i had gone through... i never really told any of them how crap my ife had been before them... i just kinda tried to blend in... but i feel that over the last year and a half i have been trying to make myself into this new person. a person full of love, fun and mystery... i dont like to let this persona down, and yet in one long and stupid article... i have ripped to shreds what has taken me a year and a half to even start doing... all that work ruined.. i feel i'll have to start again from scratch... rebuild my life yet again... anyone who reads it is going to either love me more for it... or think i am a compleate sad case and i really dont want the latter... i would ask jess to take it down but yet i dont want it down... i guess somewhere i feel like im telling the world finally... "this is me!" i have finally opened up to everyone... form being a clam and never really revealing myself... not even to my very best friends... i have just opened up and revealed this world full fo torment and darkness, which tries so hard to look good from the outside... i have shown the world my depression and everything crap i feel about myself... well... maybe not everyting... but i show where i come from... and i guess soemwhere... i feel like... if they dont like it they can lump it...
but what if a band i really admire reads that and thinks im a sad case... even a year on from the article... when i have got back to being where i was on the 3rd...
it will just ruin my persona compleatly... so im kinda stuck...
i thaught typing this up would help... but it hasnt... i should maybe do something else to try and work out what im gonna do...