(no subject)
Its happened again. I let myself get too loose, too open, too free.
this is how i want to be in relationships, yet once this happens, everything changes and i feel like i lost something. I dont know if i can be in a long term relationship, because it is typical that the excitement ends, the adventure halts, and the strong desires become infrequent.
Why cant I want constant passion and craze?
Is it me, do I project a sense of bore and lack of spontaneous attitude?
I heavily feel the love in my heart, yet something always feels missing or I cant seem to actually feel happy. Everythings fine, so why fret and change things? I have everything I could ever want and can live my life however I want.
I do wish I could just live life achieving these incredible goals, really make something of myself, see the world, and not get caught up in the miseries of life.
I know I cry often and can have a sour mood, I just cant seem to shake depression or anxiety.
What am I doing right now?
Going to school, for what? Maybe I should go full-fledged, do something radical,
and start living my life.
What do I want to do?
I want money. Now. Either grants or scholarships or loans, I want to be able to attend and focus on school, learning and exploring. Education can feel so empowering, rather than a frustrating chore. I want to get a degree in a specialized field, and then make anywhere from 40-80 thousand a year, doing what I do best. I believe I have that kind of motivation. And what am I waiting for? Marriage? Kids? A new house? Im twenty fucking years old. I think I want school and little work. I will always owe money but I want the freedom of my age, right now.
this is how i want to be in relationships, yet once this happens, everything changes and i feel like i lost something. I dont know if i can be in a long term relationship, because it is typical that the excitement ends, the adventure halts, and the strong desires become infrequent.
Why cant I want constant passion and craze?
Is it me, do I project a sense of bore and lack of spontaneous attitude?
I heavily feel the love in my heart, yet something always feels missing or I cant seem to actually feel happy. Everythings fine, so why fret and change things? I have everything I could ever want and can live my life however I want.
I do wish I could just live life achieving these incredible goals, really make something of myself, see the world, and not get caught up in the miseries of life.
I know I cry often and can have a sour mood, I just cant seem to shake depression or anxiety.
What am I doing right now?
Going to school, for what? Maybe I should go full-fledged, do something radical,
and start living my life.
What do I want to do?
I want money. Now. Either grants or scholarships or loans, I want to be able to attend and focus on school, learning and exploring. Education can feel so empowering, rather than a frustrating chore. I want to get a degree in a specialized field, and then make anywhere from 40-80 thousand a year, doing what I do best. I believe I have that kind of motivation. And what am I waiting for? Marriage? Kids? A new house? Im twenty fucking years old. I think I want school and little work. I will always owe money but I want the freedom of my age, right now.