(no subject)
man life is bullshit. . .really why do we exist?? to go to work and make money to survive in todays world and then what we die is there really anything that we accomplish in our lives. . . honestly sometimes i really dont know. . .you know is there really anything like this love people dream and long for, is there anyone you can truly depend on to be there for you when you need a hand. . . i really dont know fuck my head has been to fucked up on drugs to even think straight anymore. . . im sure theres holes in my brain from all the exctasy, im sure ive frozen my brain with nitrous oxide, the seretonum(spelling??) level is all fuckin crazy!!! the meth(ice) has rotted my brain cells and hardened on the inside of my lungs. . . man ive fried myself to a new extent this weekend!!! thats just some of the problems with my brain and stuff man the list it does physically to me is freakin INSANE!!!!!!! my mouth is torn up from chatterin for three days straight, the tip of my tongue has no taste buds, my legs are like huge puddles of liquid they way like 500 pounds each, my liver im sure has been shot to hell and back from all the alchohol, the muscles in back twitch all the time and my heartbeat has had so many irregular patterns i am TRULY AND HONESTLY SUPRISED IT HASNT EXPLODED YET!!!! i dont know what to do to myself anymore im so tired of it all, it seems to help ease the day to day pains to go through it high in one way shape or form! i really dont feel like feeling anything anymore ive been fucked over by to many people, and situations and just anything in genral to give a fuck anymore!!!!!!! i fuckin quit my job bc i didnt wanna quit rolling and getting high WHAT THE HELL IN GODS NAME IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!! ive become so immoral to steal from a freakin walgreens to get high on some pills. . .. but i really dont care bc i just wanted to get high!!!! then i get fucked over by everyone when i try to do them a favor and get them all fucked up for free i end up sittting in front of a computer typing everything i think and listening to a song that blows me up so much. . .but you know wahtever i guess friends come and go the drugs will alwyas been there . . . . all the friends ive had have always fucked me over somehow ive never found "my" group yeah i know alot of people and i chill with everybody but i dont ever feel accepted by any whole group. . so i jump around alot and then i happen to find a pretty chill knit group of peeps and we fuckion have each others backs we look out for each other and we help each other out all the time which is fuckin down-ass bomb if i do say so myself and then i stand up for myself bc i am being disrespected by a little punk-ass addict(yeah if you think im bad and have an addiction well then this kid vince will blow your fuckin mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)in my own GOSH DARN house no it doesnt work that way dude! you dont disrespect me in my house and think your gonna just sit there and chill and everything will be staight. . bc respect is a big issue to me and thats that and the fact this punkass owes me among other many people money and hes my boy and if i let him get fucked up for free he wont go to work and i wont get paid for past debt and i let him get fucked up all night. . . no it just aint gonna go down like that sorry. . .i may be fucked up in the head but not so much as to let anyone disrespect me, my hosue or my family no dude it jsut dont work that way!
not to mention this punk ass is why me and mike broke up i told him to leave my hosue and he wouldnt get out he sat on my bed till 6 am when i finally told him my boyfriend was gonna come inside and kick his ass. . .me and mike broke up but it was like tweleve hours then we talked about it all and he understood everything!!!!!!! then we brokwe up again cuase i ate a pill with some girlfriends at the Amp last weekend and he thinks its fucked up i didnt wait for him to roll but he jsut didnt understand it was about me and the girls and i dunno i miss him like crazy but ive kept myself pretty gish darn fucked up to think about it. . . . until right now bc im alone on a computer typing any that pops into my head. . .this song is badass i wish i knew the name its some techno song. . . . .wow there was a really good break . . . and the bass is bomb. . . . . . wow ive been listen to this meaga mix song for 20 minutes and i just started typin again haha wow im fucked up its just makes me feel good and happy when im high. . .high like "the castle in the sky" hahaha yeah that was just for you kiddies who know whats what. .
well i suppose know that im blowin up hard core im gonna stop typin before i get myself into lots of touble
im gonna be back soon i gotta figure out waht happened this weekend and im gonna tell you about it heres a lil preveiw. . . .jumpin up and down, playin helicopter, nick the jester, globes, carpets, strob light and my face being swollen and red for 6 hours (still dont knwo how), passing out and not recognizing anyone. . .well im outtie out
not to mention this punk ass is why me and mike broke up i told him to leave my hosue and he wouldnt get out he sat on my bed till 6 am when i finally told him my boyfriend was gonna come inside and kick his ass. . .me and mike broke up but it was like tweleve hours then we talked about it all and he understood everything!!!!!!! then we brokwe up again cuase i ate a pill with some girlfriends at the Amp last weekend and he thinks its fucked up i didnt wait for him to roll but he jsut didnt understand it was about me and the girls and i dunno i miss him like crazy but ive kept myself pretty gish darn fucked up to think about it. . . . until right now bc im alone on a computer typing any that pops into my head. . .this song is badass i wish i knew the name its some techno song. . . . .wow there was a really good break . . . and the bass is bomb. . . . . . wow ive been listen to this meaga mix song for 20 minutes and i just started typin again haha wow im fucked up its just makes me feel good and happy when im high. . .high like "the castle in the sky" hahaha yeah that was just for you kiddies who know whats what. .
well i suppose know that im blowin up hard core im gonna stop typin before i get myself into lots of touble
im gonna be back soon i gotta figure out waht happened this weekend and im gonna tell you about it heres a lil preveiw. . . .jumpin up and down, playin helicopter, nick the jester, globes, carpets, strob light and my face being swollen and red for 6 hours (still dont knwo how), passing out and not recognizing anyone. . .well im outtie out