(no subject)

[sillypinkgrrl]

the past couple days have been pretty mellow but thats bc its the calm before the storm. . . im not sure really whats all going though my head theres so much to think about and so many decisions to make they all used to be so easy there was no doubt in my mind about what was right and wrong and waht exactly He wanted from m but ever since i left virginia, no thats a lie ever since i left liberty(even when i was at the house with my girls)and got sent back home things havent been the same yeah theres good times and bad times but when it comes down to making those decisions i sure as hell cant seem to figure it out anymore. . . wether its bc i dont want to figure it out or if im being consumed by something evil i couldnt tell you and i dont know when i will be able to tell you. ive been on both sides of the line and ive stood on the line for a long time and ive seen alot on my journey through life. ive seen more of my friends die in my 18 years of life than i can count on my hands and toes. i cant even begin to explain what it is i am thinking is He good or bad is He real or not is He a figment of some dudes imagination back in the day and now its a way of living or is it all real and am i an absolute horrible person for questioning it? am i gonna go to hell bc of this? i wonder i couldnt tell ya bc im afraid to look for the answers anymore i may get burned again. . .

well i am off for the weekend i think i dunno maybe ill be back maybe i wont and maybe ill get fucked upa dn maybe i wont i jsut oculdnt tell ya the truth right now bc im on that line Hot or Cold Good or Bad Life or Death its all runnign through my head to fast