(no subject)
ok so last ngith i went ot the house and me and lauren went out for a bit with some friends from her work it was cool we hung out watched tv and stuffi t was nice ot be out past 12 and not b working for a change! anyways got home crashed and woke up late today it was also great ot sleep in anyways hung around the house most the day and then came back to school went to eat and then i was walkin around and got a call from my mom. . . .it wasnt so good. . . my gradma died today in california my moms been a nut case and ive been dealing with it in my own ways. . . my life jsut seems to be getting worse and weorse the more i try to grow closer to God. . . i will admit it i was struggling with my walk for a couple weeks and i was doin some stuff i shoulndt have and then i went o God about it and it was good for me and i started to get into the word and go to church again and then david became a comlete jerk and then my grandma dies and i found out that i am in ALOT of trouble with the school and the dean doesnt get ot decide what happen but my RD does and she doesnt know me at all shes gonna take my RAs words for it and they flat out jsut dont like me and i love liberty and i understand i screwed up ROYALY but i dont wanna go home and i dont want to want tohave to leave. . . . and i can only pray that the my RAs see that but they dont even make an effort to talk to me bc they already have a mindset of who i am and its not who i am and it sucks that they are so close minded to me now and dont even talk to me except an occasional hi or goodnight when they do roomchecks ugh i am jsut so frusteratedand angry and sad and i just cant even sort my emotions i cant even think about anythinganymore i jsut need ot got to sleep and not wake up!!!!!!!!!!!! that would solve alot hey. . iwouldnt have any heartache, my RAs and RD wouldnt have ot make this decision to kick me out, i wouldnt have to go to class tommorow thats ALWAYS a bonus and you wouldnt ever have ot hear me ramble about my crappy life anymore and me and Jesus could have a dance party! no im not suicidal i am jsut pointing out the good things if i were to go into an eternal slumber!!