(no subject)
I couldn't sleep last night and I started thinking about everything. I noticed a trend in guys I like, and I think I know why. I really think I have like..a psychological predisposition to younger guys. I want to like older guys, but I seriously think that my past boyfriends that were older have like..made me subconsciously shy away from older guys. None of those relationships ended well, and I always felt..inferior..smaller..like I had to listen to them because I was younger. I like being the older one, evne if it's just a few months older. I like feeling a little bit smarter or a little bit more in control. That's horrible of me. But I do. And I know age really doesn't mean I'm smarter or in more control. I can't explain it.
I'm babysitting my neighbor's kid from 7-5 for two weeks. The kid is a MENACE. This morning, I was trying to be nice and play with her. We were playing Barbie's, and apparently 'my' Barbie did something to piss her's off because all of a sudden the girl is like "Fuck you, bitch." I'm not lying. She said that. Her entire family cusses like sailors, and I knew she did it too. I just didn't know she did it for no reason. She also bites people. She moons people. She has the most irritating, high pitched voice ever. She's EIGHT. She bites me and I swear I'll bite her back. People should know I'm not a good babysitter. Well. I'm a decent babysitter, but not with kids that haven't been disciplined once in their entire life and that have been let run wild like a little HEATHEN.
Sometimes I wish I could split myself and make two Natalies, but like..still be a whole Natalie at the same time. I don't like dedicating myself COMPLETELY to one thing. Ever. I mean, when I find something I like or whatever I get all passionate about it. That doesn't fade, but I don't like being tied to it because then it's not as special? I don't know how to word it. It's sort of like intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, I guess. I also don't like making decisions and I'm about to have so many decisions that fourteen Natalies couldn't even handle and I'm beginning to slightly freak out about it.
I'm babysitting my neighbor's kid from 7-5 for two weeks. The kid is a MENACE. This morning, I was trying to be nice and play with her. We were playing Barbie's, and apparently 'my' Barbie did something to piss her's off because all of a sudden the girl is like "Fuck you, bitch." I'm not lying. She said that. Her entire family cusses like sailors, and I knew she did it too. I just didn't know she did it for no reason. She also bites people. She moons people. She has the most irritating, high pitched voice ever. She's EIGHT. She bites me and I swear I'll bite her back. People should know I'm not a good babysitter. Well. I'm a decent babysitter, but not with kids that haven't been disciplined once in their entire life and that have been let run wild like a little HEATHEN.
Sometimes I wish I could split myself and make two Natalies, but like..still be a whole Natalie at the same time. I don't like dedicating myself COMPLETELY to one thing. Ever. I mean, when I find something I like or whatever I get all passionate about it. That doesn't fade, but I don't like being tied to it because then it's not as special? I don't know how to word it. It's sort of like intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, I guess. I also don't like making decisions and I'm about to have so many decisions that fourteen Natalies couldn't even handle and I'm beginning to slightly freak out about it.