where I'm at, I've never been before
I have to truly love myself and take responsibility for my actions. I want to earn people's respect, I want to make people proud of me, I want to be proud of myself. Who sets the bar for expectations? How high is too high, how low is too low, when simply breathing seems like an all consuming task in the now. I've stepped back to try and make sense of the craziness that has driven me over the past few months and I still can't understand why nothing worked out the way I thought it was going to. I've felt such disappointment, such rejection, such confusion, such discouragement, and so very hopeless. People can only say and do so much to help and/or hurt you. The rest is up to you. It's all up to me now. I need to focus on the one person who I truly can't live without - myself. I need to love her, comfort her, tell her she is beautiful and that someday there will be beauty and understanding brought from this pain which currently suffocates. I have to keep on pushing forward and be the change that I seek... no more trying, only doing!