it's just that everyone's interest is stronger than mine
I watched Squid and the Whale and the Virgin Suicides this weekend. I liked them both. I need to watch them both again.
I can't study. I get frustrated. No matter how well I do on all my exams, my grades will not be good because of how sad I was first semester. And I hate blaming anything on that because it is what it is. And then this semester, a lot of stuff can be blamed on P and Thailand, and I hate blaming anyone else. Because it's my work, but can I really be held responsible for the quizzes I failed the day after? Or on the week I missed because I was traveling the world and learning more than I've ever learned at Freeman.
Also, I've been crying a lot. Sometimes for reasons, sometimes not. I started crying when my mom asked me what I wanted from the grocery store yesterday. I think it bothered me that I had to make choices. And then I cried because I left my French book at school by accident. And then at one scene in Garden State because I had this really random memory of P. When we'd be lying down or just talking, he'd pull me up every few minutes and we'd just stand there and hold and hug and it was always wonderful even though I would always protest, for I am lazy. Mehhhh. Five days to get through and then a summer of an imprisonment. None of this can be healthy for me, I'm sure of it. Let's just see the state I am in in a few months time.
Oh, and another memory just now (because I'm listening to Either/Or). When P and I woke up after sleeping for about 2 hours on a tiny couch at his friend's house, I sang "Say Yes" to him, and he thought me to be infinitely silly. I am.
I can't study. I get frustrated. No matter how well I do on all my exams, my grades will not be good because of how sad I was first semester. And I hate blaming anything on that because it is what it is. And then this semester, a lot of stuff can be blamed on P and Thailand, and I hate blaming anyone else. Because it's my work, but can I really be held responsible for the quizzes I failed the day after? Or on the week I missed because I was traveling the world and learning more than I've ever learned at Freeman.
Also, I've been crying a lot. Sometimes for reasons, sometimes not. I started crying when my mom asked me what I wanted from the grocery store yesterday. I think it bothered me that I had to make choices. And then I cried because I left my French book at school by accident. And then at one scene in Garden State because I had this really random memory of P. When we'd be lying down or just talking, he'd pull me up every few minutes and we'd just stand there and hold and hug and it was always wonderful even though I would always protest, for I am lazy. Mehhhh. Five days to get through and then a summer of an imprisonment. None of this can be healthy for me, I'm sure of it. Let's just see the state I am in in a few months time.
Oh, and another memory just now (because I'm listening to Either/Or). When P and I woke up after sleeping for about 2 hours on a tiny couch at his friend's house, I sang "Say Yes" to him, and he thought me to be infinitely silly. I am.