I ain't got time to watch you cry.
This entry is going to highlight incredibly important things in as few words as possible.
I am in love with Thailand. Mainly just the people and Buddhism and the food. I don't like Bangkok very much. I would like to backpack there.
Kenzie and I love each other and Wes Anderson, which is why in the past two weeks we have watched Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums.
Phill and I broke up and at first I was a huge mess, and then I was happier than I've been in a while and now I'm sort of numb. It got too hard, but it's also hard that there is clearly something still there and if we saw each other again, things would be different but not really. I don't know. I am so glad to have had the 5 or so months I had with him, and I still love him. I want him to be happy, and I just am sad that I am not one of his major sources of happiness and love anymore. Fuck, this is so hard. And I'm just..I'm mostly just not ready.
My birthday was horrible. My friends forgot, my dad took a call during my birthday dinner and left and didn't stay for happy birthday. Just everything that happens in cliche movies where a teenager is largely unloved. I mean, whatevs.
Kenzie and Aliza both cried for me. Tears are a sign of best friends, mayhap. I want to do a big art project with tears; I've been planning it for a while but I'm not sure if it'll ever work out.
I am confused about mostly everything in my life right now. I don't know if I believe in God anymore, though I never really had a concrete idea of God, I also believed in some sort of something. But I have no idea. I relate to so many religions right now and also none at all. All of my ideas are mixed up in my head. I just don't know anything right now. My level of paradoxes has been trumped and confusion has replaced it.
I sucked on my SATs. Great.
Also, I despise money. So much. My mother just told me that if I go out of state, I will not get a car, I cannot go abroad junior year, and I cannot take a year off. When pointing that down, I sound spoiled with opportunity. But I can't go to UVA or William and Mary. I just can't do it. But this summer, with an internship, summer school, and maybe a job, there is no possible way I can't have some sort of little used car. And I want Nativ or Year Course I think. Because I don't know how I feel about Israel anymore, I"m not sure, but I'm 100% sure that I don't want to go straight to college and I want some sort of year off and this is the only one that my parents would let me do.
Argh. So besides Thailand and Wes Anderson, it is obvious that things have been pretty horrid for me. I'll be okay.
This is probably not the best entry to put this into, but it's on my mind. Can you overdose on liquid Children's Motrin?
Also my lips are chapped and I have too much makeup work. And my AP is on Friday. And I'm suffocating, essentially.
I am in love with Thailand. Mainly just the people and Buddhism and the food. I don't like Bangkok very much. I would like to backpack there.
Kenzie and I love each other and Wes Anderson, which is why in the past two weeks we have watched Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums.
Phill and I broke up and at first I was a huge mess, and then I was happier than I've been in a while and now I'm sort of numb. It got too hard, but it's also hard that there is clearly something still there and if we saw each other again, things would be different but not really. I don't know. I am so glad to have had the 5 or so months I had with him, and I still love him. I want him to be happy, and I just am sad that I am not one of his major sources of happiness and love anymore. Fuck, this is so hard. And I'm just..I'm mostly just not ready.
My birthday was horrible. My friends forgot, my dad took a call during my birthday dinner and left and didn't stay for happy birthday. Just everything that happens in cliche movies where a teenager is largely unloved. I mean, whatevs.
Kenzie and Aliza both cried for me. Tears are a sign of best friends, mayhap. I want to do a big art project with tears; I've been planning it for a while but I'm not sure if it'll ever work out.
I am confused about mostly everything in my life right now. I don't know if I believe in God anymore, though I never really had a concrete idea of God, I also believed in some sort of something. But I have no idea. I relate to so many religions right now and also none at all. All of my ideas are mixed up in my head. I just don't know anything right now. My level of paradoxes has been trumped and confusion has replaced it.
I sucked on my SATs. Great.
Also, I despise money. So much. My mother just told me that if I go out of state, I will not get a car, I cannot go abroad junior year, and I cannot take a year off. When pointing that down, I sound spoiled with opportunity. But I can't go to UVA or William and Mary. I just can't do it. But this summer, with an internship, summer school, and maybe a job, there is no possible way I can't have some sort of little used car. And I want Nativ or Year Course I think. Because I don't know how I feel about Israel anymore, I"m not sure, but I'm 100% sure that I don't want to go straight to college and I want some sort of year off and this is the only one that my parents would let me do.
Argh. So besides Thailand and Wes Anderson, it is obvious that things have been pretty horrid for me. I'll be okay.
This is probably not the best entry to put this into, but it's on my mind. Can you overdose on liquid Children's Motrin?
Also my lips are chapped and I have too much makeup work. And my AP is on Friday. And I'm suffocating, essentially.