(no subject)
Things standing in the way of my graduation:
~My triptic....which I'm not even finished with the plates for
~My ten pager for Prof. Mama....which was due yesterday and I will not hand in until friday
~Room inspections....tonight at 6
~My paper for tests and measures of psych
~A make up class for Kung fu
~My tests and measures final....I've learned nothing since the last exam (fuck)
~My writing portfolio
~My comprehensive psych exam....Thursday
~Sign all my residents out of the building
Someone finish all of this shit for me. It seems like such a waste of my life since I will most likely not even use my psych degree for anything expect for interesting dinner party banter. You know me though, I banter with the best of them.
I'm scared for the day that we'll wonder how each other are, but never pick up the phone to find out...when the family I've built will leave me for real families they've built on their own. I suppose it is the natural progression of things, and far be it from me to stand in the way of progress. People come and people go, we grow up and grow apart, things can't stay the same forever....and a thousand other cliche sayings that people use to eleviate themselves of the guilt they're stricken with from abandoning their friends for adult life. I know that I'm not without blame either, I'm running halfway across the country and leaving everything that's grown on me for the past four years behind in search of some kind of clarity....but my leaving shouldn't change anything that we've had, or will have when I come back in a year. Time or distance shouldn't change your relationship with people you consider to be your family.....at least in my abstract idea of what family should be.
Maybe it's all in my head and stems from some unconscious jealousy that everyone seems to be partnering off and I'm left like the kid in gym class who no one wants to play catch with....but I don't really think that's it. I've never really been that bothered by my single status....most of the time I strive to preserve it. I guess if I had more experience in real relationships I would understand people's willingness to throw everything away for that "one true love." I don't think my love of my family and friends I consider family any less true though than the love of a boyfriend; it's simply a different form of that love and if anything, a more pure form because it has nothing to do with sexuality which can distort everything. I won't ever understand anyone's willingness to throw all of that away for a few flowers, some trite compliments and a good fuck.
Where is all this emotion coming from? I must be getting my rag.