ultimate sadness
i have never been so sad in my life. i finally found a guy who is mature, can make me laugh, does sweet things, and is totally awsome. unfortunatly, he just got out of a relationship with someone who didn't know what she was giving up. since he is so mature, he realizes that he needs to go a while without having a girlfriend for a while, to figure out what/where he is doing/going in his life. this is someone that i could picture spending the rest of my life with. this is someone who i have liked for over a year, and stupid me, didn't do anything about it. he is everything i have ever looked for in a guy. and now not only am i leaving tomorrow for 4 months, but he is transfering 4 months after that. and it's not like staying in the area transfering. he want's to go to italy, belgium, arizona or colorado. i am usually very good at keeping my sad emotions inside of me, but for the first time in 3 years, since the first guy i feel in love with, a guy made me cry. sure, i've cried over different things, but when brian broke up with me, and now, when joel told me a relationship wasn't a possibility, are the only 2 times that i've cried my eyes out because my heart broke. because i was falling in love with him. haven't seen him in a long while, but my heart was his for the taking. and he doesn't want it. and nothing in my life has made me feel like this ever before. i'm going to go cry myself to sleep now. i will continue to update this while i am gone, but other than that, you guys won't hear from me for a long time. good bye and luv 2 all.
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