(no subject)
nights like this are the reason why i made this livejournal.
so that when the cold that starts in my fingers moves to my joints throughout my body to my brain, i can utter my garble here.
right here.
i feel disconnected. not in a staccato sense - there is no rhythm or beauty in the disjointed sounds. disconnected in sense that i am an outlier on a box-and-whisker plot - i am not a part of the whole. i am hardly even on the graph paper.
there are few people with whom i can relate anymore. i am forced on a daily basis to spend time with people with whom i cannot connect, with whom i share little, of whom i am afraid.
things would be simpler if i found fun in socializing with large groups over dessert at a popular chain restaurant, if i could handle the loud and chaos and volume of people.
but i can't.
i prefer one two three people at a time - connecting, sharing, communicating. no, i don't need to try your iced mocha or look at the hilarious forwarded picture message on your phone - i need to talk with you. to you. to hear about you, who you are, what you dig, and why you dig it.
i suppose i'll have to be hip about time and wait until higher education to find the type of communication i need. i've a few people near me now who can help me with this, but we all lurk about until we know it's safe.
i am too romantic, too ideal, too whimsical for a world as cold and filled with brevity as this. all leisure has disappeared from the world, and it has been replaced with hustle, bustle, nonsense, and things we don't need.
this excessive lifestyle is too much for me.
simplicity and steady breathing and talking are all i need.
but they have been missing to me for quite awhile. i'd like to find them sooner rather than later.
does anyone know where i can find them?
so that when the cold that starts in my fingers moves to my joints throughout my body to my brain, i can utter my garble here.
right here.
i feel disconnected. not in a staccato sense - there is no rhythm or beauty in the disjointed sounds. disconnected in sense that i am an outlier on a box-and-whisker plot - i am not a part of the whole. i am hardly even on the graph paper.
there are few people with whom i can relate anymore. i am forced on a daily basis to spend time with people with whom i cannot connect, with whom i share little, of whom i am afraid.
things would be simpler if i found fun in socializing with large groups over dessert at a popular chain restaurant, if i could handle the loud and chaos and volume of people.
but i can't.
i prefer one two three people at a time - connecting, sharing, communicating. no, i don't need to try your iced mocha or look at the hilarious forwarded picture message on your phone - i need to talk with you. to you. to hear about you, who you are, what you dig, and why you dig it.
i suppose i'll have to be hip about time and wait until higher education to find the type of communication i need. i've a few people near me now who can help me with this, but we all lurk about until we know it's safe.
i am too romantic, too ideal, too whimsical for a world as cold and filled with brevity as this. all leisure has disappeared from the world, and it has been replaced with hustle, bustle, nonsense, and things we don't need.
this excessive lifestyle is too much for me.
simplicity and steady breathing and talking are all i need.
but they have been missing to me for quite awhile. i'd like to find them sooner rather than later.
does anyone know where i can find them?