(no subject)

[sillycow]

i have something so beautiful in my mind, but when i open my mouth to say it, or when i stretch my fingers on a keyboard to write it, nonsense pours out. why cant i convey what i think and feel to other people? why cant i communicate with anyone? thats why i always hated writing essays. i would have the perfect answers in my head, but i was incapeable of transferring them to paper. i get fed up with worrying about how to word things or how to say what i really mean, so i try to just let it flow out of me without thinking. yet still, only garbage rolls out of my mouth. something erupts inside me. not anger, but sadness, for i have realized that garbage is the only thing i have to convey... as long as i view what i have to say as garbage, thats all it is ever going to be. as long as i doubt myself, i will have reason to doubt myself. we are what we view ourselves to be, no matter what anyone else tells us, good or bad.

i am nothing.

-sam

ps. on a good note, i have found the best cake recipie in the world. i call it orgasm in a pan. it tastes better than it sounds, trust me.