(no subject)
I'm such an asshole for not posting very much on here. I really do have a lot to say, but for whatever reason, I have no time to say it. Bleh.
I'm home from work today because my dad has a pretty serious doctor's appointment at the VA. The doctors thought that he had gall bladder cancer awhile back, but then a new doctor said that it wasn't cancer but they had to take the gall bladder out anyway. Well, now they have determined that it is is gall bladder cancer and liver cancer, and they have to take out the gall bladder and part of the liver. My dad called me last Saturday morning to tell me all of this, and now I just feel bewildered and annoyed. Isn't that a terrible way to feel about your dad having cancer? Anyone who knows my dad, and the background of my life knows that he freaking drinks like a fish. He always has. That's the main reason that my parents got divorced. My mom stopped letting my dad do whatever he wanted and act however he pleased because he would drink and be violent. I did not have a great childhood. We'll leave it at that.
Despite all of that, I have worked REALLLLLLLLY hard to forgive my dad, and move on with my freaking life. I was totally bitter with him for a few years, but when Mike and I started getting serious, I decided that I had to give up on my bad feelings and bitterness, or I would take it out on Mike. It was a very personal journey, and I'm not saying that I'm completely done with it, but I've been doing so well! I've gotten to the point where I can talk to him and be around him without getting mad. We actually have a semblance of a relationship, and it's been nice. I'm sure that I forgave him out of selfish reasons - not wanting to have any regrets when he died, and keeping his crap out of my relationship with Mike, but who said that you had to have good reasons to forgive someone?
Anyway, now, he has cancer. Liver cancer. He told me on Saturday that the appointment today was to determine exactly how much they will have to remove of his liver. My dad told me that he doesn't want to go on chemo or anything, and that if the surgery will only have a 50% chance of helping him live a normal life, he will do it. Otherwise, he's just going to let the cancer take it's toll.
That freaking makes no sense to me. How can you just shrivel up and die like that? He's only 45.
Anyway, I have no idea how today is going to go, but I will post it when I can.
-Jocelyn
I'm home from work today because my dad has a pretty serious doctor's appointment at the VA. The doctors thought that he had gall bladder cancer awhile back, but then a new doctor said that it wasn't cancer but they had to take the gall bladder out anyway. Well, now they have determined that it is is gall bladder cancer and liver cancer, and they have to take out the gall bladder and part of the liver. My dad called me last Saturday morning to tell me all of this, and now I just feel bewildered and annoyed. Isn't that a terrible way to feel about your dad having cancer? Anyone who knows my dad, and the background of my life knows that he freaking drinks like a fish. He always has. That's the main reason that my parents got divorced. My mom stopped letting my dad do whatever he wanted and act however he pleased because he would drink and be violent. I did not have a great childhood. We'll leave it at that.
Despite all of that, I have worked REALLLLLLLLY hard to forgive my dad, and move on with my freaking life. I was totally bitter with him for a few years, but when Mike and I started getting serious, I decided that I had to give up on my bad feelings and bitterness, or I would take it out on Mike. It was a very personal journey, and I'm not saying that I'm completely done with it, but I've been doing so well! I've gotten to the point where I can talk to him and be around him without getting mad. We actually have a semblance of a relationship, and it's been nice. I'm sure that I forgave him out of selfish reasons - not wanting to have any regrets when he died, and keeping his crap out of my relationship with Mike, but who said that you had to have good reasons to forgive someone?
Anyway, now, he has cancer. Liver cancer. He told me on Saturday that the appointment today was to determine exactly how much they will have to remove of his liver. My dad told me that he doesn't want to go on chemo or anything, and that if the surgery will only have a 50% chance of helping him live a normal life, he will do it. Otherwise, he's just going to let the cancer take it's toll.
That freaking makes no sense to me. How can you just shrivel up and die like that? He's only 45.
Anyway, I have no idea how today is going to go, but I will post it when I can.
-Jocelyn