hummm...
WOW, today is not going well at all, it started out pretty well, and then it just started going down hill, I am not very happy at all. Everything is closed, that pisses me off. I have to work tomorrow morning, and I dont like my job at all anymore. I dont get paid until midnight tonight, that sucks ass. I still havent gotten paid for mowing the neighbors yard, she was supposed to pay on the 1st. Im so bored, and everyone is out doing things with their family, and I am sitting here doing nothing. I am going to start filling out applications again here soon, I need a steady full time job, I am getting sick and tired of these 2 hour shifts, I will not do that again. It doesnt make sense, I want to work, its not likw I get to work, and sit there and complain, I do things, and while everyone goes and takes 20 ten minute breaks and hour, I am the only one still working, we have 8 people at work at one time, and I am the only one working, and when everyone gets off their breaks, they come up, push me out of the way, and then send me home. It pisses me off that I am the only one working, and they send me home early. My friends are pissing me off to, they dont seem to care about anything. I need things to change! I dont want to talk about them though. On a happier note, I want to go see so many concerts this summer, Dashboard Confessionals, Tim McGraw, Warped Tour, there were a few more, but I cant remember them now. But since I have a crappy job, I dont make enough money to get to go to all of these thing. I want to go tanning again, I need to go start working out again. I have to go to this Prom on the 1st, and I was all excited, and I wanted to wear this black and white striped shirt, and a white tie, and I told my date, and she got all mad and said I couldnt, thats so dumb, it looked really good, she didnt even see it, I mean, I want to have fun too, its not going to embarass her or anything, I dont know what she is so worried about. Oh well it will be over soon. I still have yet to get shoes for this thing, they are too expensive, but I cant find any cheaper ones that I like, that are still nice enough to wear. You know what, I am not a mean person, so if you dont know me, you can not tell me that I am a mean person, you know nothing about my life, and that is all I have to say about that! Oh and another thing, if you dont like the way I live my life get the fuck out of my life, I have no room for people tring to bring me down because I am not the "Norm" or that I do something that they dont approve of, in the end, all I have to do is make myself happy, so if I am not doing something that will hurt you, STAY THE FUCK OUT!!! If you dont want to be friends with me, dont be, if you dont want to date me, dont date me, if you dont want to talk to me, dont talk to me, but dont do it because you feel bad or sorry for me, I am going to be fine with or with out you! I dont need you to make my life better!
Ok, I needed to break away from that, Im a nice person right? how come no one cares. all I want is someone to love, I want the best days of my life to be a head, I want to not dread waking up in the morning, I want to be happy about my future, I want someone who cares to talk to, I want someone who cares to be around and hold me, I want to love someone. People say stop looking, and you will find it, I stoped, and Ill I got was heartbreak, people walking all over me, using me, I dont think I deserve that, but maybe I do, maybe that was the point, that I am going to grow old by myself, that I am going to die alone, that all my friends will abandon me, that I am useless, that no one cares. people dont like hearing me depressed, so they stop calling me, or they stop hanging out with me, how is that supposed to make me feel better, stay around, make me smile, show me you care, that is what I need, someone to care about me. Right now, I can count on one hand how many people I feel cares about me, and I dont even need one hand. People say they will be your friend forever, or that they will always care about you, but if that is true, you need to be a friend, you need to care, and that takes more than just say you do, or that you are. Howcome people dont understand that, I try so hard with the people that I love and care about, and I feel like I am the only one trying. Why should I try, you obviously dont care enough about me to try. you know what Fuck That!!!
Ok, I needed to break away from that, Im a nice person right? how come no one cares. all I want is someone to love, I want the best days of my life to be a head, I want to not dread waking up in the morning, I want to be happy about my future, I want someone who cares to talk to, I want someone who cares to be around and hold me, I want to love someone. People say stop looking, and you will find it, I stoped, and Ill I got was heartbreak, people walking all over me, using me, I dont think I deserve that, but maybe I do, maybe that was the point, that I am going to grow old by myself, that I am going to die alone, that all my friends will abandon me, that I am useless, that no one cares. people dont like hearing me depressed, so they stop calling me, or they stop hanging out with me, how is that supposed to make me feel better, stay around, make me smile, show me you care, that is what I need, someone to care about me. Right now, I can count on one hand how many people I feel cares about me, and I dont even need one hand. People say they will be your friend forever, or that they will always care about you, but if that is true, you need to be a friend, you need to care, and that takes more than just say you do, or that you are. Howcome people dont understand that, I try so hard with the people that I love and care about, and I feel like I am the only one trying. Why should I try, you obviously dont care enough about me to try. you know what Fuck That!!!