A pagan walks into Hell one day
xposted to 
House·of·Happy &
Naughty·lil·Devils
9:25 PM 3/25/07 · There's this old joke I used to love, that I've not heard in ages. I barely remember how it goes but I think it was something like this:
So, there's this pagan guy and he's going about his day, minding his own business really, when he just up and dies. Nothing complicated, he wasn't murdered; he's just dead. He finds himself raising up out of his body and moving towards a bright light. Past the light he find himself a in a line going up to a pair of Pearly Gates where this guy with a book letting people through.
When he gets there, looking very perplexed by his surroundings, the guy with the book looks at him and asks, "Name?"
"Sorry?"
"What's your name?"
"Forget about that for a second. Where am I? What's going on?"
The guy rolls his eyes, "You died. This is the entrance to Heaven. I'm St. Peter. This ringing any bells??"
"Heaven?" pagan guy gets upset, "I don't believe in Heaven. You can't be St. Peter! I should be going to the Summerlands!!"
"Going where exac..." Pete pauses and glances at his book and then gives the pagan a side glance, "Oh great! You're one of those pagan fellows aren't you?"
"Well, yes."
"That's too bad. You've got to goto Hell."
"I don't believe in Hell."
"That's a pity cuz that's where you're going."
"There's no such thing as Hell."
"According to you there's no such place as where you are now either but here you are." Pete is really annoyed by this, "See, since you folks refuse to accept the one true faith we automatically kick you down to Hell."
"True faith? There's no such thing."
"Sorry. Them's the rules."
The argument, pointless as it is, goes on for a bit before finally Pete gets completely fed up and boots the pagan down to Hell. Finally arriving, looking around with wonderment, the pagan sees green meadows and lakes and people walking around practically glowing with joy. He's just about ready to pass off that whole Pearly Gates nonsense when he hears a voice behind him...
..."Hi."
"Oh, hello."
"You're new here aren't you?"
"Yes, I just arrived....and you are?"
"Oh, I'm the Devil."
"What?!" the pagan looks around nervously.
"Don't worry, it's not as bad as all that."
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. This is a great place. You can do anything you want anytime you want for all the rest of Eternity."
At that moment, the sky cracks open and a million screaming souls come falling down. Under them the ground rips open and flames lick up at them as though hungry and they fall in. Then the ground seals up.
The pagan, made ever so much more uncomfortable by that little display, turns back to the Devil, "What was that all about?"
"Oh, those were just a bunch of sinners of the so called true faith." the Devil shrugs, "Christians...what can you do?"
House·of·Happy &
Naughty·lil·Devils
9:25 PM 3/25/07 · There's this old joke I used to love, that I've not heard in ages. I barely remember how it goes but I think it was something like this:
So, there's this pagan guy and he's going about his day, minding his own business really, when he just up and dies. Nothing complicated, he wasn't murdered; he's just dead. He finds himself raising up out of his body and moving towards a bright light. Past the light he find himself a in a line going up to a pair of Pearly Gates where this guy with a book letting people through.
When he gets there, looking very perplexed by his surroundings, the guy with the book looks at him and asks, "Name?"
"Sorry?"
"What's your name?"
"Forget about that for a second. Where am I? What's going on?"
The guy rolls his eyes, "You died. This is the entrance to Heaven. I'm St. Peter. This ringing any bells??"
"Heaven?" pagan guy gets upset, "I don't believe in Heaven. You can't be St. Peter! I should be going to the Summerlands!!"
"Going where exac..." Pete pauses and glances at his book and then gives the pagan a side glance, "Oh great! You're one of those pagan fellows aren't you?"
"Well, yes."
"That's too bad. You've got to goto Hell."
"I don't believe in Hell."
"That's a pity cuz that's where you're going."
"There's no such thing as Hell."
"According to you there's no such place as where you are now either but here you are." Pete is really annoyed by this, "See, since you folks refuse to accept the one true faith we automatically kick you down to Hell."
"True faith? There's no such thing."
"Sorry. Them's the rules."
The argument, pointless as it is, goes on for a bit before finally Pete gets completely fed up and boots the pagan down to Hell. Finally arriving, looking around with wonderment, the pagan sees green meadows and lakes and people walking around practically glowing with joy. He's just about ready to pass off that whole Pearly Gates nonsense when he hears a voice behind him...
..."Hi."
"Oh, hello."
"You're new here aren't you?"
"Yes, I just arrived....and you are?"
"Oh, I'm the Devil."
"What?!" the pagan looks around nervously.
"Don't worry, it's not as bad as all that."
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. This is a great place. You can do anything you want anytime you want for all the rest of Eternity."
At that moment, the sky cracks open and a million screaming souls come falling down. Under them the ground rips open and flames lick up at them as though hungry and they fall in. Then the ground seals up.
The pagan, made ever so much more uncomfortable by that little display, turns back to the Devil, "What was that all about?"
"Oh, those were just a bunch of sinners of the so called true faith." the Devil shrugs, "Christians...what can you do?"