(no subject)
lately i have the most difficult time falling asleep. i think it's because my mind just keeps racing with thought after thought about anything and everything. i lay in bed and stare at the ceiling or stare at the insides of my eyelids. i'm this big walking ball of emotion lately. they're not bad emotions, i think they're just extreme happy ones if that makes any sense. the happiness is in addition to being extremely thoughtful lately which i actually don't mind at all. i just finished watching the notebook with lindsay and that movie was so thought provoking. it put me in a tranquil mood if that makes any sense. i watched the story between noah & ally and i was thinking to myself how i have something similar to that right now and it was the first time i watched a movie and didn't wish over and over again how i had what the main characters had. in the end of the movie instead of being a bit down and depressed about being lonely and thinking nobody would ever return feelings for me, i finished the movie contented and wanting to run over to the building next door and give stephan the biggest hug and kiss ever in the history of man. lindsay sat through the movie saying "i want a noah" and i simply replied with "i already have one."
the only things worrying me at the present moment are how i'm going to afford a birthday/christmas gift for stephanie, and how i'm going to afford two christening gifts for my brothers, one of which will be my godson, and how i really don't want stephan's friends to resent me. i'm so unbelievably worried that they will, and that would be the absolute worst thing ever because i love how my friends love stephan. well sleep is starting to beckon me even though i know the second i lay my head on my pillow my eyes will be glued to the ceiling and thoughts will be competing for attention inside my head, but goodnight for now.
the only things worrying me at the present moment are how i'm going to afford a birthday/christmas gift for stephanie, and how i'm going to afford two christening gifts for my brothers, one of which will be my godson, and how i really don't want stephan's friends to resent me. i'm so unbelievably worried that they will, and that would be the absolute worst thing ever because i love how my friends love stephan. well sleep is starting to beckon me even though i know the second i lay my head on my pillow my eyes will be glued to the ceiling and thoughts will be competing for attention inside my head, but goodnight for now.