i hope this helps to emphasize.
gay... this is so effing old. but that entry had to go. it was fucking gay. and idk. im sad, i know that noone reads this, that is why im writing this in here, i need to let it out. but i dont have anywhere . i dont have fucking anyone. im dying i really really am truely dying. i feel like i have nobody. everything i thought was reall is completely fucking fake i dont even have eric anymore. i cant cry anymore. i have cut myself out from all my feelings, besides the hurt. and deep down im yearning for him. i have never ever wanted anyone, anything as bad as i want him. because of him i cant be with anyone else. sure i could have random little hookups no strings attatched kinda things.. but thats not what i want. i want to be with someone i want love. i dont have it. im far from it. i forget how it tastes. i forget everything, besides him. i want to cry, but i cant. my body wont let me shed anymore tears for him. but i want to. i want to get it all out.. one way or another.. bleeding it out. to bleed is like slowly watching your problems vanish out of your body and slowly disappear. leaving you with a permanent good bye. why why why? why have i turned into someone so morbid? why am i something so pathetic that i cant even stay with people that make me happy. i wish i wish i wish that i was dead. i wish that my life was invisible that noone ever noitced me. ive been feeling very very fuckign suicidal lately, but i havent had anyone to talk to .. i just want to tell someone so i can feel re-assured that i am worth somethign that i will be missed, that maybe someone really does love me. but theres noone. people that want me only want to use me. thats all. im meant to feel pain thats all. an overwhelming amount of pain. but i just want someone to talk to . i need someone that i feel actaully knows who i am, and actaully cares. but all my friends have turned their backs on me. all my friends. dont care. im alone i have no one. i have myself and my thoughts.