>_
Arg! I hate this... I'm still getting little sleep at night... Just because thoughts are going though my head at topspeed... It's really irritating, cause I'm not in control... I should really learn to clear my mind... >__>
You know... I'm having a really hard time of letting go. If I've made a mistake, I will think about it for at least a week, and maybe longer... I'll be thinking about how I could have done it better... And it's really irritating, because it doesn't change a thing...
Sometimes I'm thinking to much... >_< Especially when I have to do something that I don't like... For example, making a phone call... I hate talking on the phone. You can't see the person you're talking too, and I like to see someones face, so I can see what they're thinking... So, before I actually make the phonecall, I've done it at least a dozen times in my head....
It's the same now with my choise to go to the Teacher Training College... I'm almost sure it was a mistake... I've been teacher for six months, and I already hate it... Well, I don't hate the teaching, and I also don't hate the children... I hate everything else that comes with it. All the paperwork, the meetings, the fact that you're talking the whole day... and that you can't leave your work at the schoolbuilding, but that you take it home with you. Like I said before, I've got troubles letting go.
And now that I think of it... I never could put my mind on the teaching like all my classmates could... I was constantly doodling... The Teacher Training College isn't hard... So it wasn't that difficult to finish it.
It did help me to get rid of my shyness... I was so shy, it wasn't funny anymore. I never said anything, even if I didn't like what was happening. Well... It was also because I HATE arguments... I'll do almost anything to not get into one. I rather keep my mouth shut and be mad inside my head, than let the other know that I'm mad. Not that I'm getting mad easely... not at all. And when I do get mad, I'm not mad long... It will be gone in 5 minutes... *feels like a softy* :P
And things like that make it easy for people to take advantage of you... My 'best friend' from primary school did... When we where at her house, she desided what we where going to do... When she was at my house, SHE desided what we where going to do. And I never complained... It also desturbed the relationship I had with my sister. She's about 2 and a half years younger than me, and we always played together. (makes me realise that it must have been hard for my youngest sister... she's about 6 years younger than Suus, and almost 9 years younger than me...) We didn't fight much... But for some reason, my friend didn't like Susanne...
*sighs* god, I was really pathetic then...She also wanted to change the way I dressed back than, but she never succeded in that. *grins* I've never looked at what's hip.. I'm only wearing what I like. (which is mostly jeans and a t-shirt with a vest of some sort...)
I'm drifting away from the subject... I know I should write letters, get a new job... but I don't want to attach myself to a new school... I don't want to go back to those meetings, and talking all day... I really want to go back to school and right my wrong choise... My sister probaly will go to the HKU... I really want to go with her. ( I want to do the illustration course!! ) And I think I will, because I will never be happy when I'm teaching....
Like I said... I hate this... *bangs head against wall* @__@
You know... I'm having a really hard time of letting go. If I've made a mistake, I will think about it for at least a week, and maybe longer... I'll be thinking about how I could have done it better... And it's really irritating, because it doesn't change a thing...
Sometimes I'm thinking to much... >_< Especially when I have to do something that I don't like... For example, making a phone call... I hate talking on the phone. You can't see the person you're talking too, and I like to see someones face, so I can see what they're thinking... So, before I actually make the phonecall, I've done it at least a dozen times in my head....
It's the same now with my choise to go to the Teacher Training College... I'm almost sure it was a mistake... I've been teacher for six months, and I already hate it... Well, I don't hate the teaching, and I also don't hate the children... I hate everything else that comes with it. All the paperwork, the meetings, the fact that you're talking the whole day... and that you can't leave your work at the schoolbuilding, but that you take it home with you. Like I said before, I've got troubles letting go.
And now that I think of it... I never could put my mind on the teaching like all my classmates could... I was constantly doodling... The Teacher Training College isn't hard... So it wasn't that difficult to finish it.
It did help me to get rid of my shyness... I was so shy, it wasn't funny anymore. I never said anything, even if I didn't like what was happening. Well... It was also because I HATE arguments... I'll do almost anything to not get into one. I rather keep my mouth shut and be mad inside my head, than let the other know that I'm mad. Not that I'm getting mad easely... not at all. And when I do get mad, I'm not mad long... It will be gone in 5 minutes... *feels like a softy* :P
And things like that make it easy for people to take advantage of you... My 'best friend' from primary school did... When we where at her house, she desided what we where going to do... When she was at my house, SHE desided what we where going to do. And I never complained... It also desturbed the relationship I had with my sister. She's about 2 and a half years younger than me, and we always played together. (makes me realise that it must have been hard for my youngest sister... she's about 6 years younger than Suus, and almost 9 years younger than me...) We didn't fight much... But for some reason, my friend didn't like Susanne...
*sighs* god, I was really pathetic then...She also wanted to change the way I dressed back than, but she never succeded in that. *grins* I've never looked at what's hip.. I'm only wearing what I like. (which is mostly jeans and a t-shirt with a vest of some sort...)
I'm drifting away from the subject... I know I should write letters, get a new job... but I don't want to attach myself to a new school... I don't want to go back to those meetings, and talking all day... I really want to go back to school and right my wrong choise... My sister probaly will go to the HKU... I really want to go with her. ( I want to do the illustration course!! ) And I think I will, because I will never be happy when I'm teaching....
Like I said... I hate this... *bangs head against wall* @__@