(no subject)
Okay...OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKAY! So i am on my spring break in georgia... where it is suppose to be 80 degrees. instead its raining like a mofo and its about 50 degrees. coming to georgia was NOT a time for ME to have ME time.... i didnt get time away from anything... everything just got worseee and i am now more stressed than i was before i left. First is amanda.... i love her with alllllllllllllll my heart... BUT she stresses me out more than anyone EVER!!! for the past month or so shes just been lying to me liek it aint no thaNG prolly bc she knows i get so mad about MANNY and i always tell her how i feel about him. but tough luck, its NEVER gonna stop, im never gonna stop bitching about him whenever someone brings him up.
"Oh, well im gonna go type something...." and me not knowing i was supposed to know type didnt mean type and i was suppose to look across the room and see her with MANNY! 200 times. i do NOT understand that chickie. the past month i felt like all i should do is smile and nod. bc i talk to her and shes very good at making it seem like you have a point and nodding and making you feel like you are acomplishing something by telling her the same thing over and over. but really she doesnt give a crap what you are telling her. Then i got extremely pissed off when in your little livejournal you put that "You want ppl to leave you alone bc youre sick of hearing ppl tell you what to do or whatever and you need to figure it out on your own." uh, what? WHO SAYS THAT?! no one... its a great way for ppl to look at you and say, wow, what a crack head. ppl are trying to show you that they care about you and you are blowing them off and making them feel bad, when really, you are extremely luck that you have friends who actually care. and thats what happened with me. I was just liek eff this. ill start acting liek a friend again when YOU get YOUR shit together.
THEN i thought well maybe its me and maybe im acting liek a bitch. maybe i should TRY to liek manny or be nice to him. Then i think more... well i have tried several times... and there were times you didnt even know about. but how can i even PRETEND to like someone who BRAGS about looking sooooooooo good (um, def not) and brag about how sick he is of alll these "girls" comng up to him and telling him hes "hot". and i know im not over-reacting bc everyone who has heard that story agrees with me that he makes himself sound liek an arrogant prick. which he is.
the way i took everything was you went out with him. he was a jerk and cared abotu how he looked infront of alllll his friends. then broke up. lesson learned, so i thought.
then you decide to go out with him again. letting him say/do whatever he wanted, while making you feel bad. lying non-stop to ME (who felt liek shit bc i havent ever lied to you about squat) pissing me off. then you break up again. i knew it from the beginning, BUT everyone makes mistakes, so i have no right to say anything abotu it.
meanwhile... you do everything you can do to make him look like an ass bc he made you look like a retard. and him doing everyuthign HE can do to make himself look like a pimp... knowing that at any time he wanted you would come back to him, after he was done with all those other girls. then, him KNOWING i hate him, and thinking hes okay to treat you liek shit answers yous fucking cell when i call... that pissed me off the most. he knew who was calling, and he knows i hate him.... im sure he knows 85% of all the ppl that know, or DONT know him hate him. why?? bc hes just that kind of person... but hes got the nerve to answer the phone when i called.... "Amandas not here she left her phone in my car..." and that gives you the right to answer it?? i dont think so. hes such a little fucker. when ever i see, him or hear him hes always trying to act like hes the fucking shit and everyone else is there for HIM. i just wanna kick him in the ugly face. he NEEDS to get beaten up. he is an asshole. he sees himself as having changed from freshman year to now. he thinks he got "hot" bc other ugly girls like him along the way.... no... getting contacts and having no braces doesnt make you all of a sudden qualify as being hot... so just bc you think you look good, thats gives you the right in your little fucked up mind to think that you can go around acting all cocky and treat MY BEST friend like you do.... and brag about all these other girls who "like you"... by the way... all of them are DOGS. maybe one day he will get it into his mind that he doesnt own the world. and the more he acts liek an asshole and strings her along just bc he CAN, will ust make me, and everyone else hate him more.
so now its the third time. youre lying to me.... which is fine bc at this point in time i figure if you even cared at all about having me as a friend you would QUIT all the fecking lying. i had to give calvin the lying speech... but i figure you know me well enough and you dont need to have a huge speech on what pisses me off MOST. i also figure you wouldnt listen.
but anyways..... for the past month i have ignored you and youre little boyfriend bc i didnt want anythign to do with it.... i hate him and you make me look like a fool when you lie to me and i believe you. or when you leave stuff out that every one else already knows but i had no idea... so im here defending you saying its all not true, when it really is true, you just didnt tell me about it.
so then i figure i dont know you as wel as i should and ill just back off, and hang out with other ppl and not care at all what YOURE doing. right when i think its at the end for you and me and i just dont even care anymore bc you dont..... it starts up again. and then i realize that there was a reason in the beginning why we were friends. bc you always had a problem, and i could always relate, no matter what it was. your ass started to get bigger , when mine blew up a month ago... youre dad married a beeotch when mine married one 5 years ago.... there is not a lot of things that you can come up with that hasnt happened to me. no matter what im either right with you or one step ahead of you.
and when i do something wrong i feel like im alllll alone, until you do it too... and then i feel better about myself bc i can actually talk to someone about it instead of trying to make excuses in my head. bc its so much easier when someone else forgives you than trying to forgive yourself and not being able to.
i can be so fecking pissed off at you for the longest time and then , just bc we have so much in common...again... not be pissed.
i would not hate him so much just to be a bitch... there obviously has to be a reaosn. its not okay for him to think he can treat you liek crap over and over and over again... but he does... strike number 1. THEN to get your attention, and the attention of other girls he attempts to make a "love octagon" stupidest thing ever... but as he wanted, it worked to HIS advantage... making you upset and him getting the amanda attention he wanted. hes always gto a way to get your attention... telling you hes gonna kill himself, and he needs help finding a gun. telling you he likes other girls, so that he can see your feelings get hurt and see you crying over him, knowing that he can get a reaction out of you with whatever he does. then when he doesnt, he calles you while hes just "ran away" and driven to CANADA. HAHA. or, how many times has he told you hes moving with him mom. or called youa slut bc he got pissed when you didnt want him back. strike number 2...
and then strike 3... ill say it again... hes a cocky asshole who i think could fall off the face of the earth and almost everyone could sigh with relief.
the best part is that even when she asks for help i can say all i should say and she still wouldnt listen. that is FINE. i decidd that when you come for help or to talk, liek you did a few nights ago, i will always always help you. but thats it. until this manny thing fades, im just gonna keep being your stupid meaningless friend liek i always have been until HE fucks up and then you want to talk. a circle. its endless.
i am NOT trying to be a bitch to amanda, im trying to make a point. and if she doesnt care then maybe someone else willl.
this is what i think about on my spring break, its 8:15 am. this sucks. i always htink i should just stay here... but i will never.
anyways... this is still about amanda, but in a different mood... i wasnt mad before, im aggrivated bc i dont understand why she keeps me as a friend.
BUT we talked abotu stuff a few nights agoo.. but im in GA, and its hard to talk form that far away. anyways, i got off the phone with her and cried and cried all night bc i was so upset. but i dunno , i still need to talk to amanda about it bc shes NOW able to know how i feel about it and im not alone anymore with the whole thing. i think explaining it to someone other than myself will make me feel better bc i have excuses that she will understand and then she will be able to tell me its okay bc its allll over. she will. instead i have been p[laying it off to my friend here, robyn, like it aint no thang, bc shes another person who i can relate to but shes got a totally diferent atitude about the whole thing. so i pretend that how i feel when it really isnt. i really do love manda bc she will always make me feel better abotu certain things. i miss her not just bc im in georgia... but bc we havent even been friends lately.
i dunno. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
"Oh, well im gonna go type something...." and me not knowing i was supposed to know type didnt mean type and i was suppose to look across the room and see her with MANNY! 200 times. i do NOT understand that chickie. the past month i felt like all i should do is smile and nod. bc i talk to her and shes very good at making it seem like you have a point and nodding and making you feel like you are acomplishing something by telling her the same thing over and over. but really she doesnt give a crap what you are telling her. Then i got extremely pissed off when in your little livejournal you put that "You want ppl to leave you alone bc youre sick of hearing ppl tell you what to do or whatever and you need to figure it out on your own." uh, what? WHO SAYS THAT?! no one... its a great way for ppl to look at you and say, wow, what a crack head. ppl are trying to show you that they care about you and you are blowing them off and making them feel bad, when really, you are extremely luck that you have friends who actually care. and thats what happened with me. I was just liek eff this. ill start acting liek a friend again when YOU get YOUR shit together.
THEN i thought well maybe its me and maybe im acting liek a bitch. maybe i should TRY to liek manny or be nice to him. Then i think more... well i have tried several times... and there were times you didnt even know about. but how can i even PRETEND to like someone who BRAGS about looking sooooooooo good (um, def not) and brag about how sick he is of alll these "girls" comng up to him and telling him hes "hot". and i know im not over-reacting bc everyone who has heard that story agrees with me that he makes himself sound liek an arrogant prick. which he is.
the way i took everything was you went out with him. he was a jerk and cared abotu how he looked infront of alllll his friends. then broke up. lesson learned, so i thought.
then you decide to go out with him again. letting him say/do whatever he wanted, while making you feel bad. lying non-stop to ME (who felt liek shit bc i havent ever lied to you about squat) pissing me off. then you break up again. i knew it from the beginning, BUT everyone makes mistakes, so i have no right to say anything abotu it.
meanwhile... you do everything you can do to make him look like an ass bc he made you look like a retard. and him doing everyuthign HE can do to make himself look like a pimp... knowing that at any time he wanted you would come back to him, after he was done with all those other girls. then, him KNOWING i hate him, and thinking hes okay to treat you liek shit answers yous fucking cell when i call... that pissed me off the most. he knew who was calling, and he knows i hate him.... im sure he knows 85% of all the ppl that know, or DONT know him hate him. why?? bc hes just that kind of person... but hes got the nerve to answer the phone when i called.... "Amandas not here she left her phone in my car..." and that gives you the right to answer it?? i dont think so. hes such a little fucker. when ever i see, him or hear him hes always trying to act like hes the fucking shit and everyone else is there for HIM. i just wanna kick him in the ugly face. he NEEDS to get beaten up. he is an asshole. he sees himself as having changed from freshman year to now. he thinks he got "hot" bc other ugly girls like him along the way.... no... getting contacts and having no braces doesnt make you all of a sudden qualify as being hot... so just bc you think you look good, thats gives you the right in your little fucked up mind to think that you can go around acting all cocky and treat MY BEST friend like you do.... and brag about all these other girls who "like you"... by the way... all of them are DOGS. maybe one day he will get it into his mind that he doesnt own the world. and the more he acts liek an asshole and strings her along just bc he CAN, will ust make me, and everyone else hate him more.
so now its the third time. youre lying to me.... which is fine bc at this point in time i figure if you even cared at all about having me as a friend you would QUIT all the fecking lying. i had to give calvin the lying speech... but i figure you know me well enough and you dont need to have a huge speech on what pisses me off MOST. i also figure you wouldnt listen.
but anyways..... for the past month i have ignored you and youre little boyfriend bc i didnt want anythign to do with it.... i hate him and you make me look like a fool when you lie to me and i believe you. or when you leave stuff out that every one else already knows but i had no idea... so im here defending you saying its all not true, when it really is true, you just didnt tell me about it.
so then i figure i dont know you as wel as i should and ill just back off, and hang out with other ppl and not care at all what YOURE doing. right when i think its at the end for you and me and i just dont even care anymore bc you dont..... it starts up again. and then i realize that there was a reason in the beginning why we were friends. bc you always had a problem, and i could always relate, no matter what it was. your ass started to get bigger , when mine blew up a month ago... youre dad married a beeotch when mine married one 5 years ago.... there is not a lot of things that you can come up with that hasnt happened to me. no matter what im either right with you or one step ahead of you.
and when i do something wrong i feel like im alllll alone, until you do it too... and then i feel better about myself bc i can actually talk to someone about it instead of trying to make excuses in my head. bc its so much easier when someone else forgives you than trying to forgive yourself and not being able to.
i can be so fecking pissed off at you for the longest time and then , just bc we have so much in common...again... not be pissed.
i would not hate him so much just to be a bitch... there obviously has to be a reaosn. its not okay for him to think he can treat you liek crap over and over and over again... but he does... strike number 1. THEN to get your attention, and the attention of other girls he attempts to make a "love octagon" stupidest thing ever... but as he wanted, it worked to HIS advantage... making you upset and him getting the amanda attention he wanted. hes always gto a way to get your attention... telling you hes gonna kill himself, and he needs help finding a gun. telling you he likes other girls, so that he can see your feelings get hurt and see you crying over him, knowing that he can get a reaction out of you with whatever he does. then when he doesnt, he calles you while hes just "ran away" and driven to CANADA. HAHA. or, how many times has he told you hes moving with him mom. or called youa slut bc he got pissed when you didnt want him back. strike number 2...
and then strike 3... ill say it again... hes a cocky asshole who i think could fall off the face of the earth and almost everyone could sigh with relief.
the best part is that even when she asks for help i can say all i should say and she still wouldnt listen. that is FINE. i decidd that when you come for help or to talk, liek you did a few nights ago, i will always always help you. but thats it. until this manny thing fades, im just gonna keep being your stupid meaningless friend liek i always have been until HE fucks up and then you want to talk. a circle. its endless.
i am NOT trying to be a bitch to amanda, im trying to make a point. and if she doesnt care then maybe someone else willl.
this is what i think about on my spring break, its 8:15 am. this sucks. i always htink i should just stay here... but i will never.
anyways... this is still about amanda, but in a different mood... i wasnt mad before, im aggrivated bc i dont understand why she keeps me as a friend.
BUT we talked abotu stuff a few nights agoo.. but im in GA, and its hard to talk form that far away. anyways, i got off the phone with her and cried and cried all night bc i was so upset. but i dunno , i still need to talk to amanda about it bc shes NOW able to know how i feel about it and im not alone anymore with the whole thing. i think explaining it to someone other than myself will make me feel better bc i have excuses that she will understand and then she will be able to tell me its okay bc its allll over. she will. instead i have been p[laying it off to my friend here, robyn, like it aint no thang, bc shes another person who i can relate to but shes got a totally diferent atitude about the whole thing. so i pretend that how i feel when it really isnt. i really do love manda bc she will always make me feel better abotu certain things. i miss her not just bc im in georgia... but bc we havent even been friends lately.
i dunno. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.