Here I am again, with part 2...So no, as an adult I did NOT righteously take back my power or kick my abuser in the nuts or tell him just what a sick, depraved, hellbound fucker he was; I became his victim all over again under the power of his unnerving stare, and even seeing him on one level as just an ugly, sick shit of a man instead of this epic MONSTER he'd been all my childhood, I still couldn't stop myself reverting emotionally/mentally to the 11 year old who was afraid to fall asleep at night for fear of waking up to his body crushing mine or his hands all over me in the middle of the night. So in Sherlock's case in this fic, I totally get why, as a grown man with such keen mental acuity and a razor-sharp ability to parse other peoples' psyches, he would still become so powerless and controlled in the presence of his abuser, his father. I never got 'closure' or a second chance to face my ex stepdad; when he picked my brother up the next morn he didn't leave the car this time because his new wife was with him, and I didn't leave
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Oh, honey. My heart goes out to you tonight and I don't have words for how much I admire you right now- I hope you realize how strong you are, in so many ways.
I don't want to comment hijack on someone else's LJ so I won't go on, but I wanted you to know that I, as just a random stranger, really appreciate your honesty; your strength and your courage.
So, yeah. Just... I wanted you to know that someone read this and was thinking of you this evening.
Thank you; I hesitated as well to comment so lengthily and take any focus off silkmoth's story, but I wanted to make the point that, for ME at any rate, Sherlock's behavior made sense and seemed all too realistic, especially if neither he nor Mycroft ever really dealt with the fallout of what their father did. In my situation, for me the WORST thing about it all wasn't even my abuse; the worst thing was that my mom and stepdad split up when I was 15 and I wanted to call the cops and tell them what my stepdad had done to me because I didn't want him to get visitation rights to my little half-brother (the same bro who came to visit me that night when I was 25). But Mom said they wouldn't believe me, and if they did SHE would tell them I was lying because the whole thing was shameful and she was sure he'd never touch a BOY anyway,much less his own son. And that's my WORST thing, that I didn't try harder to keep that man away from my brother, cause he DID molest my brother, every summer when he had him for visitation from the time my
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It's probably pointless to say, but I'll say it anyway: nothing about what happened to you was your fault.
It's like you said up-thread (ish)- sometimes, when horrific things happen, we get stuck in a place or in a behaviour or even stuck with a belief. You were a kid. A 15 year old kid, who was being told to stay quiet by the person who was supposed to look after you and the more time that passes, the harder it gets to say/do anything. None of what was done to you, or your siblings, is on you. I hope you *know* that even if it doesn't *feel* that way. I suspect, however, that no amount of saying that would ever change how you feel about it- but I think it's important, sometimes, to actually hear it said. Or read it, I suppose.
Also, literature (IMO) is meant to be inspiring and thought-provoking, so discussion in-thread is a compliment to the author. Definitely. ;)
Please do NOT apologize, okay? You are incredibly brave; I know you for years now and I can't tell you how much I admire you and the way you live your life. You have so much shit going on and you always get back on your feet and carry on, care so much for others... I don't have words for all that. Love you very much!
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I don't want to comment hijack on someone else's LJ so I won't go on, but I wanted you to know that I, as just a random stranger, really appreciate your honesty; your strength and your courage.
So, yeah. Just... I wanted you to know that someone read this and was thinking of you this evening.
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It's like you said up-thread (ish)- sometimes, when horrific things happen, we get stuck in a place or in a behaviour or even stuck with a belief. You were a kid. A 15 year old kid, who was being told to stay quiet by the person who was supposed to look after you and the more time that passes, the harder it gets to say/do anything. None of what was done to you, or your siblings, is on you. I hope you *know* that even if it doesn't *feel* that way. I suspect, however, that no amount of saying that would ever change how you feel about it- but I think it's important, sometimes, to actually hear it said. Or read it, I suppose.
Also, literature (IMO) is meant to be inspiring and thought-provoking, so discussion in-thread is a compliment to the author. Definitely. ;)
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