Merlin Fic: Arthur's Bad Sex Stories
Title: Arthur’s Bad Sex Stories
Summary: *points at title*
Warning/Spoiler: Slash, Humor, Hints of Mpreg, Nonsense, Spoilers for Season One and Two
Rating: R
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur.
Word Count: 368
Disclaimer: The show and all characters are owned by the BBC. This is just for fun.
Author’s Notes: I’m not responsible for the Mpreg. accioslash is.
Betaed -as always- by the awesome kelsrealm. Thank you so much, sweetie, writing is so much more fun when I know you're with me! *hugs you tight*
Arthur’s Bad Sex Stories
“I’m sorry. I think I got a little... excited.”
“YOU THINK?”
“Alright, here take that…” The towel was ripped from Arthur’s hands. Shit. It really hadn’t been his brightest idea to draw that mouth close to his cock only seconds before he came.
“I’VE GOT THAT SHIT INTO MY EYES! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT BURNS?”
“Could you maybe stop yelling? My father’s chambers aren’t that far away.”
“DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? HUH?”
***
“I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”
“Merlin…”
“SHUT UP! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, MAN!”
“You turn me on. That shouldn’t be a problem, should it?”
“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME? BREATHE?”
“I really wish you wouldn’t scream right after… I’m developing a complex.”
“I WISH YOU WOULD! MAYBE THEN YOU WOULD LAST MORE THAN TWO SECONDS!”
***
“Merlin…”
“OUT! THIS IS YOUR WEDDING NIGHT, GO AWAY! AND IF YOU THINK YOU WILL EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN…”
“Hey! I told Gwen… she’s fine with it.”
“GOOD FOR HER! GOOD FOR YOU! I’M NOT FINE WITH IT! GET LOST!”
“No, no, you misunderstand! Merlin, listen I… Merlin!”
Bang. Sitting out in the hall on his arse, in front of the closed door of the Royal Warlock, Arthur contemplated the fact that he hadn’t even managed to tell Merlin he had no bed to go back to. Lancelot was already in it.
***
“What did you just say?”
Okay, Merlin wasn’t yelling but hissing wasn’t all that great either.
“I just thought… you’re a warlock. Maybe you could figure something out.”
“I WASN’T ABLE FOR YEARS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP YOU FROM COMING THE SECOND I LAY MY HANDS ON YOU! AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO BECOME PREGNANT? ARE YOU NUTS?”
“Well… with Gwen I can’t get it up at a…”
“AND THIS IS MY FAULT HOW? YOU’RE QUEER, MY LORD! WHY DID YOU MARRY HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?”
Arthur sighed; he never knew how to answer that question without making Merlin even madder. And yes, the marriage had been nonsense but still…
***
“I’LL KILL YOU! THE MOMENT THIS IS OVER I’LL KILL YOU! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING ME FOR THE NEXT NINE MONTHS!”
The End.
Summary: *points at title*
Warning/Spoiler: Slash, Humor, Hints of Mpreg, Nonsense, Spoilers for Season One and Two
Rating: R
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur.
Word Count: 368
Disclaimer: The show and all characters are owned by the BBC. This is just for fun.
Author’s Notes: I’m not responsible for the Mpreg. accioslash is.
Betaed -as always- by the awesome kelsrealm. Thank you so much, sweetie, writing is so much more fun when I know you're with me! *hugs you tight*
Arthur’s Bad Sex Stories
“I’m sorry. I think I got a little... excited.”
“YOU THINK?”
“Alright, here take that…” The towel was ripped from Arthur’s hands. Shit. It really hadn’t been his brightest idea to draw that mouth close to his cock only seconds before he came.
“I’VE GOT THAT SHIT INTO MY EYES! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT BURNS?”
“Could you maybe stop yelling? My father’s chambers aren’t that far away.”
“DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? HUH?”
***
“I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”
“Merlin…”
“SHUT UP! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, MAN!”
“You turn me on. That shouldn’t be a problem, should it?”
“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME? BREATHE?”
“I really wish you wouldn’t scream right after… I’m developing a complex.”
“I WISH YOU WOULD! MAYBE THEN YOU WOULD LAST MORE THAN TWO SECONDS!”
***
“Merlin…”
“OUT! THIS IS YOUR WEDDING NIGHT, GO AWAY! AND IF YOU THINK YOU WILL EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN…”
“Hey! I told Gwen… she’s fine with it.”
“GOOD FOR HER! GOOD FOR YOU! I’M NOT FINE WITH IT! GET LOST!”
“No, no, you misunderstand! Merlin, listen I… Merlin!”
Bang. Sitting out in the hall on his arse, in front of the closed door of the Royal Warlock, Arthur contemplated the fact that he hadn’t even managed to tell Merlin he had no bed to go back to. Lancelot was already in it.
***
“What did you just say?”
Okay, Merlin wasn’t yelling but hissing wasn’t all that great either.
“I just thought… you’re a warlock. Maybe you could figure something out.”
“I WASN’T ABLE FOR YEARS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP YOU FROM COMING THE SECOND I LAY MY HANDS ON YOU! AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO BECOME PREGNANT? ARE YOU NUTS?”
“Well… with Gwen I can’t get it up at a…”
“AND THIS IS MY FAULT HOW? YOU’RE QUEER, MY LORD! WHY DID YOU MARRY HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?”
Arthur sighed; he never knew how to answer that question without making Merlin even madder. And yes, the marriage had been nonsense but still…
***
“I’LL KILL YOU! THE MOMENT THIS IS OVER I’LL KILL YOU! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING ME FOR THE NEXT NINE MONTHS!”
The End.