Tower - Oneshot
Title: Tower
Author: SilkeKim
Pairing: Kyumin, Qmi
Summary: Sungmin is trapped in a tower of memories
Genre: angst, metaphors
Rating: pg
Word count: 1 350
A/N: The tower Sungmin is in is partially inspired from Steven Spielberg’s Dreamcatcher. Also, all of previous stuff has had a happy ending. Where did my happy endings go? ㅠㅠ
Sungmin had a somewhat unusual way of keeping himself sane.
Whenever he was met with something in life that he had problems accepting, he would neatly fold the thought or event like a shirt and put it in a drawer in his mind, where he would most likely never have to look at it again.
Sungmin’s mind was shaped like a tower, hovering above the clouds.
In the dungeon there were always plenty of spider webs. You see, Sungmin had spiders on his mind as well, and those he stuffed down the basement, along with other things he didn’t like. The webs grew unusually large because Sungmin never really went down there.
Most of Super Junior’s accidents, big as small, as well as their failures and lost hopes were down there. Personal stuff like unrequited love was of course there, but also other stuff like Third World problems.
These things were all hidden behind heavy locks and the ghosts of his past were locked behind bars, screaming at him whenever he dared to enter.
Higher up Sungmin had his library.
This was where basically all of his knowledge and life was stored and the library took up most of the tower.
He kept things neat and though some memories were covered in a thick layer of dust, they were still appreciated. If not taken forth once in a while though, the letters would diminish one by one.
In this drawer in the middle of the room, he kept his different kind of smiles, like other people would keep underwear. And in this wardrobe he kept a strong posture, to wear on days where he felt exhausted, just like other people would keep and wear shirts.
At the very top, all the way above the clouds, were the thoughts that Sungmin could get lost in; all of his daydreaming thoughts were here, not locked away like things were in the dungeon, neither stored neatly like they were in the library, but constantly playing around.
It was almost like reality.
A stage was set here in the highest chamber and ELF were there; though he could never reach them, he could see their penlights no matter where he went in the chamber, casting a sapphire pearl blue light everywhere.
Kyuhyun was there as well. Sungmin knew it was only a bad imitation made from his imagination, but none the less they often played out all of their memories perfectly together.
It was more difficult when making up new stuff, because even though Sungmin’s imagination was vivid, and Kyuhyun always romantic in his mind, it was disappointing to know that reality with Kyuhyun was so much more fun.
But then one day Kyuhyun breaks Sungmin’s heart.
It’s not that Sungmin didn’t expect it, because he had seen how Kyuhyun and Zhoumi were together, but Kyuhyun’s bluntness and most of all Kyuhyun’s god-damn way of asking if things were going to be okay between them made Sungmin unable to cope with it.
And so now Sungmin had escaped the cruel reality and was standing at the highest chamber of his tower, staring horrified at his Kyuhyun, who was no longer human. His skin was darkened to a sick black color, his eyes were enlargened and when he tilted his head and smirked Sungmin saw that his teeth were predator-like.
A spider, was his first thought as the hairs on his arms stood up.
He grabbed Kyuhyun by his still-human wrist and dragged him along. Down the stairs, into the library. More stairs, more stairs, more stairs, on and on.
Sungmin held Kyuhyun tightly, but all the way down he would look back to check that he was still there. Is he with me, is he getting worse, why is he a spider?, a different question every time Sungmin looked back, but he didn’t know if he said the words out loud or not. Kyuhyun didn’t answer anyway, but he never did, not without Sungmin thinking up what he would say at least.
Though he didn’t speak on his own, he must have realized where they were going, because he started reaching for books, for something to hold onto, to stop them. Sungmin didn’t halt even for a second, but Kyuhyun made sure to make a chaos behind them of books falling of their shelves and objects shattering as they hit the floor.
He was too late though and they reached the dungeon within seconds.
Sungmin threw Kyuhyun in there, as if touching him was poisonous, locking the bars in haste.
You belong amidst the spider webs, you monster!, as always he wasn’t sure if he said it aloud, but in this tower it made no difference. Kyuhyun would know what he thought anyways, since he was among the thoughts himself.
Sungmin ascended the stairs and returned to the library.
Kyuhyun had left the place in a chaos and Sungmin started picking up the books one by one.
It didn’t take him long to notice that they had all been marked with a heart and he realized that Kyuhyun hadn’t picked random books to throw. These were their memories.
He opened one of them.
Kyuhyun was standing in the rain and he knows how romantic I think rain is. He knows. He knows everything. I just wanted to kiss him, so I ran to him and put my arms around his neck. But he stopped me. “We’re famous, hyung. Not here, you know.”
He quickly closed it, tears forming in his eyes.
He flipped through the pages and started reading from another section of the book;
“What do you mean I can’t touch you in public? It’s called fanservice!”
Kyuhyun was almost shouting, but Sungmin was shouting louder; “But it’s not! My parents don’t understand it, they don’t even understand Eunhae - and those two aren’t even real!”
“So that’s what this is about? You can’t tell your parents that we’re together?”
“Of course I can’t!”
Sungmin had been crying then and he was crying now, too.
He hadn’t seen these memories in a long time. They didn’t even belong here, they didn’t belong in the library. These were memories which should be hidden, forgotten, never talked of again.
Problems shouldn’t be remembered, shouldn’t be talked of, they should be forgotten, locked away.
He had seen enough and he shut the book closed, carrying them down to the dungeon.
“Rewrite them!” he told Kyuhyun in a sharp, commanding voice as he placed the books in his cell.
Kyuhyun didn’t answer. Sungmin knew he couldn’t. Not this imaginary one of his. Not this spider-like Kyuhyun, with his weird eyes and black skin. The normal-looking Kyuhyun had been able to, but only because Sungmin had thought out the lines for him. For this creature though, he had no idea what words to put in his mouth and it scared him more than anything.
“You’re the best creation I have here. I know you’re capable of doing it.” His voice was hoarse from crying, but he kept himself composed.
His Kyuhyun nodded and picked up one of the books, before giving him a ‘and if I don’t?’-look.
“Then I’ll create a monster worse than spiders to accompany you.”
The moment he had the thought, the monsters were there. The worst imaginable, seen from movies, read from books, imagined in the darkness of his room at night; everything was there, and Sungmin was too scared, not from the monsters, but from his mind running wild. He had always been able to keep it somewhat under control.
He snapped back to reality, looking around him with the same confusion as a student who had been daydreaming during class and forced to return to reality when a teacher asks a hard mathematics question.
Just a few feet in front of him were Zhoumi, leaning close to Kyuhyun, smiling and touching and saying that “Kui Xian” of his over and over.
With that, Sungmin knew, that just like Kyuhyun had been so much more loveable in reality, he was also so much more hateable in reality.
He closed his eyes and returned to a tower in ruins.