Parenting in modern times
I think we simply aren't prepared for parenting in our society. Being really, absolutely selfless (in the sense of being unaware of self, of not needing self) is discouraged to the point of being absent in our culture. Most of us were brought up to be assertive, speak up for what we needed... even our sense of giving (IMHO) comes mostly from the accolades we'll get if we're giving enough.
There aren't too many accolades for parenting. We assume that the instant that kid comes out, people will magically turn into the selfless person they were never taught to be... And if we've developed any "sense of self" as it's defined by most "healthy" people, it's almost impossible to immediately become that person.
The result is a whole lot of mommy/daddy guilt. You can drop everything and decide that junior is #1, in which case, your friends are all pissed that you never call them anymore, and you find you have absolutely no life. By the time the kid is two and a half, you see absolutely no problem with flying off to Argentina forever, leaving the beautiful creature to starve and/or start playing with matches until the neighbors call CYFD and place him/her in a foster home.
OR, you keep trying to have a "life", and discover that you kid is eight and *GHASP* is not yet a child prodigy at the violin or pee-wee football... maybe didn't go to the dentist for the first time until he was 6... and you start to believe all the accusing eyes that intimate it's YOUR fault he can't read Shakespeare in the first grade.
Most likely you end up somewhere in the middle, which results in your friends still being upset because you don't call enough, and your kid STILL not being a prodigy (prodigies are rare, and no amount of Suzuki method violin classes is gonna change that).
It's hard to accept that parenting is one of the really, truly thankless jobs. The best you can hope for is that your child will grow up to be a friend of yours.
That's where grandchildren come in. Not because you can fix whatever you fell you screwed up the first time, and not because you can spoil them rotten and never have to discipline them. Grandchildren are important because maybe, just maybe, your KIDS realize how hard parenting is. And maybe, one day, they thank you.
There aren't too many accolades for parenting. We assume that the instant that kid comes out, people will magically turn into the selfless person they were never taught to be... And if we've developed any "sense of self" as it's defined by most "healthy" people, it's almost impossible to immediately become that person.
The result is a whole lot of mommy/daddy guilt. You can drop everything and decide that junior is #1, in which case, your friends are all pissed that you never call them anymore, and you find you have absolutely no life. By the time the kid is two and a half, you see absolutely no problem with flying off to Argentina forever, leaving the beautiful creature to starve and/or start playing with matches until the neighbors call CYFD and place him/her in a foster home.
OR, you keep trying to have a "life", and discover that you kid is eight and *GHASP* is not yet a child prodigy at the violin or pee-wee football... maybe didn't go to the dentist for the first time until he was 6... and you start to believe all the accusing eyes that intimate it's YOUR fault he can't read Shakespeare in the first grade.
Most likely you end up somewhere in the middle, which results in your friends still being upset because you don't call enough, and your kid STILL not being a prodigy (prodigies are rare, and no amount of Suzuki method violin classes is gonna change that).
It's hard to accept that parenting is one of the really, truly thankless jobs. The best you can hope for is that your child will grow up to be a friend of yours.
That's where grandchildren come in. Not because you can fix whatever you fell you screwed up the first time, and not because you can spoil them rotten and never have to discipline them. Grandchildren are important because maybe, just maybe, your KIDS realize how hard parenting is. And maybe, one day, they thank you.