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Sometimes I can even get work done. Like yesterday, after blowing off the lab in the morning in favor of sending out more job apps, I went in and did a full day's work... just time-shifted. I didn't get home until, well, late. And today I spent something like nine hours on the microscope, making pretty pictures, and the thing that I did seems to have worked this time (unlike the previous time) so, yay.
As a reward to myself, and to you, because I'm so generous...
So, certain people on my flist have sensitized me to the use of age-diminutive terms to refer to individuals who are, properly speaking, adults. I was once called out for using the word "girls" when I meant "women," and rightly so. No one has ever called out the Idol producers, though, because they're calling this the Top 12 Boys (and, in Wednesday's episode, Girls) even though the upper age limit is, what, 27 or 28? Political correctness, it is so hard, guys! By which I mean "casual friends of either gender!" So, apologies in advance, but I'm liable to slip and use phrasing like "guys and girls" or similar, and it isn't malicious, it's just... okay, let's face it. It's likely to be among the least offensive kind of thing I'm liable to say about these people. Because I'm a bitter, bitter man, and it's probably better for me to vent my frustrations on the internet about something trivial, rather than bitch and moan to my professional colleagues with whom it may have consequences. You have been warned.
We're starting with Reed Grimm, and already I wish the producers would show us their names right away, because I seem to be experiencing some Difficulty in Distinguishing Sounds. I thought his name was Luke for a second. Grimm is from Wisconsin, where he has the unusual ability to see the true form of the monsters who are living among us, and frequently fights them using information passed down through his family for generations. He's going to sing Moves Like Jagger, and he's turned it from a rock song into some kind of Vegas elevator lounge number. I do believe him when he says his ego is big. Instead of singing, he's decided to do a drum solo? Okay, here's the thing. I kind of hate him, but I also kind of find him weirdly attractive. He's like that douchey guy that everyone wants to bang. He's probably going to go far in this competition, but I wish he'd actually sung a little bit more than he did. I also kind of wish Simon had been there to tell us how cheesy the performance was. (Cheesy? Wisconsin? SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)
Adam Brock is next. I don't know why, but I intensely dislike him and have since almost his first audition. However, he is choosing to sing Aretha's Think, which is among my all time favorite songs, so he may grow on me with time. He looks extremely uncomfortable "dancing" on the stage, and I wonder whose idea it was to stick a yellow handkerchief in his back pocket. I assume that he's not trying to tell America that he's into watersports. Or maybe he is; to each his own. IN ANY CASE, this is a singing competition, and he actually sang that quite well apart from a little bobble on the line about "high IQ," but... I liked the performance! It was very strong. He should be fine this week. (Randy informs us that the handkerchief is actually a Pittsburgh Steelers towel, which makes waaaaaay more sense than my hypothesis. Whew!)
Deandre Brackensick is "Future Shampoo Commercial Guy." He's singing Earth Wind & Fire, which, I dunno, might get him the baby boomer vote? He's singing it falsetto, which I suspect is how this song is supposed to be, but I think it's kind of awful and pitchy. There were a couple of cool things in it, and he definitely has a unique voice, but it was not good for me. I did like the way he switched between the falsetto and a lower register pretty effortlessly, but I definitely didn't love it as much as the judges did. Maybe if I'd been more than three at any point in the 70s, I would like it more?
Colton Dixon is That Guy Whose Sister Didn't Make The Cut. He talks about his hair a little, and then says he's going to "change it up" and "shock a lot of people," apparently not realizing that this is actually the first performance in the regular season, so there can be no "changing it up" yet. Dude, I remember you because you have the interesting story with the sister and all, and you're kind of cute, but I really don't remember much about your particular vocal style yet! He's singing Paramour something or other (oh, yeah, I recognize this song eventually), and moments after telling us about how most people think of him playing the piano and he's going to change it up, he opens up with... playing the piano. But he steps away from it a little bit into the performance and summons the spirit of Adam Lambert to possess him while he stands atop the piano and the lights get all strobe-y. Again, I kind of feel it's a little early in the season to be doing this kind of performance -- let us know who you are, first, before you show us that you can also play against type -- but I kind of dig him. He's cute, and that's really what I mostly look for in my pop stars. The vocals were... actually not so great, I think, but it was not bad karaoke either. And he's definitely working the crowd in his interview with Ryan, so I think he kind of has a strategy, which suggests he really wants this, despite his apparent diffidence in the early audition thing.
Jeremy Resado is singing a song normally sung by a woman, apparently. Ryan says that Jeremy is the "spirit stick" of the group, and I'm not sure why Ryan is using a cheerleader bonding metaphor (I totally own Bring It On, whatever) but okay. Jeremy is a desk clerk at an infectious disease clinic. Mmmm. It sounds a little nasal to me, but it's not awful. I don't know that Jeremy will make it into the top 12 (mixed gender), based on that performance, but I don't think he'd be eliminated tonight for it either. I'm sure that someone in the next seven performances will be worse. I mean, it was kind of nice. But also kind of bland. The judges' comments seem to indicate some passive-aggressive concerns that he might be eliminated, though, because it seems like they might've been trying to manage his expectations a little there. "...America doesn't know you yet..." and "...we've got some really talented sangers..." So. Oh, I am missing Simon more and more as this goes! We need a mean one!
Aaron Marcellus went to New York to pursue his dreams, which apparently had moved on to Hollywood without telling him. It's like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? He's singing a Jackson 5 song. (I Never Can Say Goodbye) Oh, I feel like I've heard someone sing this song on Idol before, and it was dreadful before. But this is non-dreadful. I think the tricky thing with this song is that part of the verse is almost spoken, kind of bouncing up and down between a couple of notes that are very close... and then there's like some weird key change business going on partway through. But he nailed it. I'm actually rewinding this one to hear it again. It was pretty darn good! Aaron is someone who didn't (I think) get so much screentime during the earlier rounds, so it was important for him to hit it out of the ballpark, and he really really did. Awesome!
Chase Likens is studying theater in West Virginia, and is hoping to take over Brendan Fraser's role in the next Mummy sequel. I assume. He's singing country something or other, and he seems to be singing reasonably well. But it's already 11pm and I must watch tonight's Reven8e before I go to bed, and there's an hour to go, so I'm'a gonna skip it. I don't like country.
Creighton Fraker is the preacher's son (by adoption) who moved to New York and at some point discovered that his dad was an Actual Rock Star. He's giving me full on "small town gay kid who ran off to NYC to discover himself," and I don't think I'm imagining it... I mean, his song choice is Cyndi Lauper's True Colors. Which makes him awesome. This song is actually a pretty hard song. And he sang it very nicely. I suddenly find myself wishing that I was watching this yesterday so that I could actually vote for him. D'oh. Next week, Creighton!
WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT, what? They're cutting six of them in one go?!?!? They're not knocking them off two at a time this year? Holy carp, man. That's harsh.
Phil Phillips has a horrible name and deeply uncreative parents (oh, he's a Jr. No wonder. Uncreative grandparents, then.) He's singing In the Air Tonight. I... don't like this arrangement. Like, even a little bit. I mean, he's singing it just fine. But I don't like it. It's giving me shades of Nickelback, and I have strong feelings about Nickelback. I mean, how do you actually slow down a Phil Collins song? The judges seem to like him. Randy seems to agree with me that the "reharm" of the melody was kind of weird.
Eben Franckewitz is going to get the Beiber fan vote. His typical day involves getting up, going to school, and doing chores. Yes, you described the life of every high school kid ever. I kind of already hope he gets cut, but I have seen enough seasons of Idol to know that the shitty young kid always stays on for much longer than he deserves to. In any case, he's singing Adele's Set Fire to the Rain, except without the acid edge of experience in the voice, because he's too young to be singing a song about an angry breakup. Ooooooh, and it is pitchy too. I started out not liking him for arbitrary reasons, but I think the vocals are legitimately bad, independent of my knee-jerk reaction against too-young Idol contestants. But the crowd and the judges loved it, so, wtf do I know? Randy's like "it wasn't all perfect, there were some flat notes in there" but he's super complementary too. The judges seem to really want him to stay in the competition.
Heejun is an early favorite just based on Hollywood week. He's also making fun of his mother, which is kind of cute. He's singing Angel, which I didn't recognize until it got to the chorus. Oh, this is just too bad. I want to like him, but it's not as good a vocal as I was hoping he could deliver. And I know he's a better singer than this, because he did some good work in the earlier rounds. Sadface! JLo and Aerosmith agree, that was not the best choice of song for him. He's totally going for the religious vote, as he explains in his interview, and that kind of detracts from my interest too.
Joshua Ledet is the other preacher's son. He's singing something inspirational, which I don't know (because I hate inspiration; see also above, where I confess to being a bitter, bitter man) but at least he's singing fairly well. I'm not all about the whole gospel choir style, honestly, with the screaming and all, but he's got a nice voice when he is not wailing, so. Meh.
There's a thirteenth singer! For reasons that are not being explained to us, Jermaine Jones is back. He makes Ryan look so, so tiny. I think Jermaine deserves to sing if only because he put up with Cowboy Guy. He's singing some inspirational ballad about parents. OH HOW SAD. THIS SONG IS A TOTAL DOWNER. There were a couple of pitchy moments, but also I kind of want to cry right now, which I can only take to mean that it was a good performance, because I am not easily moved!
They're going to cut half of these guys?!?!? THIS IS GOING TO SUCK.
People I want to keep a little longer: Reed, Adam, Colton, Aaron, Chase, Creighton, Heejun and Jermaine. SEE, THIS IS HARD. If I had to make a deeper cut, it would be: Reed, Colton, Aaron and Creighton. I feel fairly sure that I will be disappointed, though, because that's usually what happens with Idol. We're going to get Eben and Joshua and Phil and all the other ones I don't like.
You guys, this would have been so much better if Simon were still there to keep it real. *sigh*
As a reward to myself, and to you, because I'm so generous...
So, certain people on my flist have sensitized me to the use of age-diminutive terms to refer to individuals who are, properly speaking, adults. I was once called out for using the word "girls" when I meant "women," and rightly so. No one has ever called out the Idol producers, though, because they're calling this the Top 12 Boys (and, in Wednesday's episode, Girls) even though the upper age limit is, what, 27 or 28? Political correctness, it is so hard, guys! By which I mean "casual friends of either gender!" So, apologies in advance, but I'm liable to slip and use phrasing like "guys and girls" or similar, and it isn't malicious, it's just... okay, let's face it. It's likely to be among the least offensive kind of thing I'm liable to say about these people. Because I'm a bitter, bitter man, and it's probably better for me to vent my frustrations on the internet about something trivial, rather than bitch and moan to my professional colleagues with whom it may have consequences. You have been warned.
We're starting with Reed Grimm, and already I wish the producers would show us their names right away, because I seem to be experiencing some Difficulty in Distinguishing Sounds. I thought his name was Luke for a second. Grimm is from Wisconsin, where he has the unusual ability to see the true form of the monsters who are living among us, and frequently fights them using information passed down through his family for generations. He's going to sing Moves Like Jagger, and he's turned it from a rock song into some kind of Vegas elevator lounge number. I do believe him when he says his ego is big. Instead of singing, he's decided to do a drum solo? Okay, here's the thing. I kind of hate him, but I also kind of find him weirdly attractive. He's like that douchey guy that everyone wants to bang. He's probably going to go far in this competition, but I wish he'd actually sung a little bit more than he did. I also kind of wish Simon had been there to tell us how cheesy the performance was. (Cheesy? Wisconsin? SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)
Adam Brock is next. I don't know why, but I intensely dislike him and have since almost his first audition. However, he is choosing to sing Aretha's Think, which is among my all time favorite songs, so he may grow on me with time. He looks extremely uncomfortable "dancing" on the stage, and I wonder whose idea it was to stick a yellow handkerchief in his back pocket. I assume that he's not trying to tell America that he's into watersports. Or maybe he is; to each his own. IN ANY CASE, this is a singing competition, and he actually sang that quite well apart from a little bobble on the line about "high IQ," but... I liked the performance! It was very strong. He should be fine this week. (Randy informs us that the handkerchief is actually a Pittsburgh Steelers towel, which makes waaaaaay more sense than my hypothesis. Whew!)
Deandre Brackensick is "Future Shampoo Commercial Guy." He's singing Earth Wind & Fire, which, I dunno, might get him the baby boomer vote? He's singing it falsetto, which I suspect is how this song is supposed to be, but I think it's kind of awful and pitchy. There were a couple of cool things in it, and he definitely has a unique voice, but it was not good for me. I did like the way he switched between the falsetto and a lower register pretty effortlessly, but I definitely didn't love it as much as the judges did. Maybe if I'd been more than three at any point in the 70s, I would like it more?
Colton Dixon is That Guy Whose Sister Didn't Make The Cut. He talks about his hair a little, and then says he's going to "change it up" and "shock a lot of people," apparently not realizing that this is actually the first performance in the regular season, so there can be no "changing it up" yet. Dude, I remember you because you have the interesting story with the sister and all, and you're kind of cute, but I really don't remember much about your particular vocal style yet! He's singing Paramour something or other (oh, yeah, I recognize this song eventually), and moments after telling us about how most people think of him playing the piano and he's going to change it up, he opens up with... playing the piano. But he steps away from it a little bit into the performance and summons the spirit of Adam Lambert to possess him while he stands atop the piano and the lights get all strobe-y. Again, I kind of feel it's a little early in the season to be doing this kind of performance -- let us know who you are, first, before you show us that you can also play against type -- but I kind of dig him. He's cute, and that's really what I mostly look for in my pop stars. The vocals were... actually not so great, I think, but it was not bad karaoke either. And he's definitely working the crowd in his interview with Ryan, so I think he kind of has a strategy, which suggests he really wants this, despite his apparent diffidence in the early audition thing.
Jeremy Resado is singing a song normally sung by a woman, apparently. Ryan says that Jeremy is the "spirit stick" of the group, and I'm not sure why Ryan is using a cheerleader bonding metaphor (I totally own Bring It On, whatever) but okay. Jeremy is a desk clerk at an infectious disease clinic. Mmmm. It sounds a little nasal to me, but it's not awful. I don't know that Jeremy will make it into the top 12 (mixed gender), based on that performance, but I don't think he'd be eliminated tonight for it either. I'm sure that someone in the next seven performances will be worse. I mean, it was kind of nice. But also kind of bland. The judges' comments seem to indicate some passive-aggressive concerns that he might be eliminated, though, because it seems like they might've been trying to manage his expectations a little there. "...America doesn't know you yet..." and "...we've got some really talented sangers..." So. Oh, I am missing Simon more and more as this goes! We need a mean one!
Aaron Marcellus went to New York to pursue his dreams, which apparently had moved on to Hollywood without telling him. It's like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? He's singing a Jackson 5 song. (I Never Can Say Goodbye) Oh, I feel like I've heard someone sing this song on Idol before, and it was dreadful before. But this is non-dreadful. I think the tricky thing with this song is that part of the verse is almost spoken, kind of bouncing up and down between a couple of notes that are very close... and then there's like some weird key change business going on partway through. But he nailed it. I'm actually rewinding this one to hear it again. It was pretty darn good! Aaron is someone who didn't (I think) get so much screentime during the earlier rounds, so it was important for him to hit it out of the ballpark, and he really really did. Awesome!
Chase Likens is studying theater in West Virginia, and is hoping to take over Brendan Fraser's role in the next Mummy sequel. I assume. He's singing country something or other, and he seems to be singing reasonably well. But it's already 11pm and I must watch tonight's Reven8e before I go to bed, and there's an hour to go, so I'm'a gonna skip it. I don't like country.
Creighton Fraker is the preacher's son (by adoption) who moved to New York and at some point discovered that his dad was an Actual Rock Star. He's giving me full on "small town gay kid who ran off to NYC to discover himself," and I don't think I'm imagining it... I mean, his song choice is Cyndi Lauper's True Colors. Which makes him awesome. This song is actually a pretty hard song. And he sang it very nicely. I suddenly find myself wishing that I was watching this yesterday so that I could actually vote for him. D'oh. Next week, Creighton!
WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT, what? They're cutting six of them in one go?!?!? They're not knocking them off two at a time this year? Holy carp, man. That's harsh.
Phil Phillips has a horrible name and deeply uncreative parents (oh, he's a Jr. No wonder. Uncreative grandparents, then.) He's singing In the Air Tonight. I... don't like this arrangement. Like, even a little bit. I mean, he's singing it just fine. But I don't like it. It's giving me shades of Nickelback, and I have strong feelings about Nickelback. I mean, how do you actually slow down a Phil Collins song? The judges seem to like him. Randy seems to agree with me that the "reharm" of the melody was kind of weird.
Eben Franckewitz is going to get the Beiber fan vote. His typical day involves getting up, going to school, and doing chores. Yes, you described the life of every high school kid ever. I kind of already hope he gets cut, but I have seen enough seasons of Idol to know that the shitty young kid always stays on for much longer than he deserves to. In any case, he's singing Adele's Set Fire to the Rain, except without the acid edge of experience in the voice, because he's too young to be singing a song about an angry breakup. Ooooooh, and it is pitchy too. I started out not liking him for arbitrary reasons, but I think the vocals are legitimately bad, independent of my knee-jerk reaction against too-young Idol contestants. But the crowd and the judges loved it, so, wtf do I know? Randy's like "it wasn't all perfect, there were some flat notes in there" but he's super complementary too. The judges seem to really want him to stay in the competition.
Heejun is an early favorite just based on Hollywood week. He's also making fun of his mother, which is kind of cute. He's singing Angel, which I didn't recognize until it got to the chorus. Oh, this is just too bad. I want to like him, but it's not as good a vocal as I was hoping he could deliver. And I know he's a better singer than this, because he did some good work in the earlier rounds. Sadface! JLo and Aerosmith agree, that was not the best choice of song for him. He's totally going for the religious vote, as he explains in his interview, and that kind of detracts from my interest too.
Joshua Ledet is the other preacher's son. He's singing something inspirational, which I don't know (because I hate inspiration; see also above, where I confess to being a bitter, bitter man) but at least he's singing fairly well. I'm not all about the whole gospel choir style, honestly, with the screaming and all, but he's got a nice voice when he is not wailing, so. Meh.
There's a thirteenth singer! For reasons that are not being explained to us, Jermaine Jones is back. He makes Ryan look so, so tiny. I think Jermaine deserves to sing if only because he put up with Cowboy Guy. He's singing some inspirational ballad about parents. OH HOW SAD. THIS SONG IS A TOTAL DOWNER. There were a couple of pitchy moments, but also I kind of want to cry right now, which I can only take to mean that it was a good performance, because I am not easily moved!
They're going to cut half of these guys?!?!? THIS IS GOING TO SUCK.
People I want to keep a little longer: Reed, Adam, Colton, Aaron, Chase, Creighton, Heejun and Jermaine. SEE, THIS IS HARD. If I had to make a deeper cut, it would be: Reed, Colton, Aaron and Creighton. I feel fairly sure that I will be disappointed, though, because that's usually what happens with Idol. We're going to get Eben and Joshua and Phil and all the other ones I don't like.
You guys, this would have been so much better if Simon were still there to keep it real. *sigh*