(no subject)
Thought I had a Gregsorcism on the phone with Qiana yesterday, trying to purge all of the evil and vent out my frustrations, but I dug up some stuff today that I hadn't seen before, and feel like maybe it should have stayed buried. I just keep upsetting myself when I find new pictures of any event from January until October, and it makes me want to punch something. The only thing I ever focus on anymore is the loneliness, and all of the lying that had been done, and after finding more pictures and noticing more lies it eats away at me more so than it did before.
I don't think it's better to have loved, than to never have loved at all. What bullshit. I wish I was numb.
It's funny, because I'm sure he was wondering why I teared up when I saw him for the first time in months after stopping by to give him his jersey, and key back. I don't know if he's just stupid, or just plays oblivious because it's better for him. It may seem like I just break down for no reason, but there's always a reason behind everything. When I see him, especially after he claimed that he and her were 'over', all I wanted was for some kind of recovery to begin. I don't care if it was meant to be a friendship recovery, or something more, or less - just in the general sense, mending fences - etc. When I see him now, all I see and remember are bad memories from this entire year. Maybe if new memories came in place of those, it would be a different story, but he's clearly shown me that there's no reason at all to do anything together, let alone see each other, or even talk. Everything feels so one sided now. I'm sure if I even vaguely brought up an outing to the NJ Aquarium he'd just shoot it down, because he doesn't want anything to do with me, even though he claims it's something he really wanted to do. I think I'm giving this, whatever this is, a deadline until March 1st. If nothing happens by then I'm shutting this down and moving on with life.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/
I don't think it's better to have loved, than to never have loved at all. What bullshit. I wish I was numb.
It's funny, because I'm sure he was wondering why I teared up when I saw him for the first time in months after stopping by to give him his jersey, and key back. I don't know if he's just stupid, or just plays oblivious because it's better for him. It may seem like I just break down for no reason, but there's always a reason behind everything. When I see him, especially after he claimed that he and her were 'over', all I wanted was for some kind of recovery to begin. I don't care if it was meant to be a friendship recovery, or something more, or less - just in the general sense, mending fences - etc. When I see him now, all I see and remember are bad memories from this entire year. Maybe if new memories came in place of those, it would be a different story, but he's clearly shown me that there's no reason at all to do anything together, let alone see each other, or even talk. Everything feels so one sided now. I'm sure if I even vaguely brought up an outing to the NJ Aquarium he'd just shoot it down, because he doesn't want anything to do with me, even though he claims it's something he really wanted to do. I think I'm giving this, whatever this is, a deadline until March 1st. If nothing happens by then I'm shutting this down and moving on with life.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/