i miss my voice.

[silh0uetted]

Its easy to loose oneself in everything, in life. That is perhaps the biggest challenge, living life, and staying sane. Or maybe the two are opposites, because in order to really live, I think one has to be completly insane. All the rules that were set out for us don't really exist anymore. Who says we need to go to sleep at a certain time, or that we shouldn't smoke or drink or abuse drugs. Its all a part of life, experiencing things that we wouldn't have otherwise. Our world holds all that we can take from it. And yet time after time I find myself wandering the nights alone and wondering if my conflicting sense of self will ever straighten out. There have been people i've talked to lately, who I tell, you need to make yourself happy first before anyone. I wish I could take my own advice. I see beauty in so many things, in so many people, in so many places. And I see death and voids and blank expressions in the dark alleys of everyones mind. Everything I think, i've thought a hundred times before, along with everyone else. Arn't there massive amounts of misguided girls taking walks in the city through streets and towns and suburbs she's never known, and always remembered. Isn't that what our society is composed of? And while everyone else rushes off to live in their world, i've created my own where I constantly battle myself and my emotions and my life and the people in it. All of our intentions are fleeting. The concrete is the instable. The smart is the dumb. The truth, the superficial. There is a lot of trust, and none at all. This society we've grown up in is bullshit. Things could be so simple, but we make them difficult.
oh how we make it hard.
i'm swimming around in this sea of thoughts, making no sense at all. but thats okay. because i know what i'm saying, which is good enough for me.

i'm real tired of this technology and i don't know why i take so much a part of it. and if anyone really wanted to know me, or really knew me, they'd know the internet isn't the way to connect with me, regardless of the connection you're making with the world by connecting to all the names out there.

I want certain things more than anything, but i'm scared.
Oh, and its easy to hide.
you'll never realize.

And what you do not know is the only thing you know