its friday night, pregame time, with all of peabody attending ATO,i am lost in life and my thoughts
i haven't really posted anything real in a while. i suppose thats because its been hard for me to find something real to write lately. but now that my head seems to be becoming straighter by the day, and my mind more fucked up, i feel as though its time to write something.
there are some things that have been very hard for me to explain and get through lately, but somehow, a part of me has settled. i'm back in philadelphia now, and my life has put itself into some kind of little box and tied itself up. and although i'm not where i was, i'm somewhere else, and i dont know if i'm okay with it. or have a choice. but i think that's okay. more and more i want to get into a car and drive south , and accross into the desert. i just want to reset. i'm wearing makeup now for no reason sometimes, which was never me. but thats okay too. maybe its just easier. i keep thinking things will work themselves out. and i am slowly letting go of everything. i am tired. i've gotten some of my hope back through random acts of kindness. but besides that, i'm finished. as if i was standing on an edge, and i'm watching everyone else and everything else go on around me. and i want to jump down to where they are. but i don't have the energy.
so i sit with a bottle of alcohol, and a few packs of cigerettes. i keep to myself and i'm a part of everything. so for now, even though its crude, it will have to do.
so its okay to be sad.
its okay if i can't write.
because it really doesn't matter right now.
i just want to live.
i know a girl, she puts the color inside of my world.
but she's just like a maze where all of the walls all continually change
and i done all i can to stand on the steps with my heart in my hand
now i started to see, maybe its got nothing to do with me.
there are some things that have been very hard for me to explain and get through lately, but somehow, a part of me has settled. i'm back in philadelphia now, and my life has put itself into some kind of little box and tied itself up. and although i'm not where i was, i'm somewhere else, and i dont know if i'm okay with it. or have a choice. but i think that's okay. more and more i want to get into a car and drive south , and accross into the desert. i just want to reset. i'm wearing makeup now for no reason sometimes, which was never me. but thats okay too. maybe its just easier. i keep thinking things will work themselves out. and i am slowly letting go of everything. i am tired. i've gotten some of my hope back through random acts of kindness. but besides that, i'm finished. as if i was standing on an edge, and i'm watching everyone else and everything else go on around me. and i want to jump down to where they are. but i don't have the energy.
so i sit with a bottle of alcohol, and a few packs of cigerettes. i keep to myself and i'm a part of everything. so for now, even though its crude, it will have to do.
so its okay to be sad.
its okay if i can't write.
because it really doesn't matter right now.
i just want to live.
i know a girl, she puts the color inside of my world.
but she's just like a maze where all of the walls all continually change
and i done all i can to stand on the steps with my heart in my hand
now i started to see, maybe its got nothing to do with me.