Sep 12, 2004 22:52
Latley I've been thinking a lot. About basically anything. I've decided to move on with my life than stay in one spot and wait upon something that's not destined to come. I remember one day I was really upset about something and went off on my grandparents. And bawled and said " It's not fair you don't know how it is to not have your parents I don't have parents" or something to that extent. I know it really hurt my grandpa. He replyed of " thats the only fucking thing i cant give you and you shove it in my face. " My grandpa has always been there for me, he's provided a roof over my head, food for me to eat, and put clothes on my back. I know my parents are my parents but what they've done I don't think I could ever forgive them. I know it's not MY fault the way they are. But to fuck around and have kids...and pretty much leave them. It's wrong. Everyone does things and screws things up. But to not realize your mistakes and try to fix them obviosuly doesn't show much love. The only people I guess I have are my friends, and grandparents. I've lived with them for... shit like I know...I want to say 9-10 years. And yet, they've always had the time for me. And it hurts like hell to see them hurt. I know when they're gone I'm going to be a wreck. My grandpa has emphysema and he's not doing so well. My grandma she's always constantly upset. She's upset about Grandpa being in Florida and my dad being the way he is. One day Jeremy came up to my room, crying. And he told me what was wrong. He was thinking about what would happen if Grandma or Grandpa passed away. As much as they can piss me off I love them to death. I think about that sometimes, too. I wish they could stay forever but everyone has their time to go. And I just can't tell my brother everything's gonna be fine cause it won't. There's going to be a huge part of me missing. Jeremy wants to move in with my dad. He doesn't realize what will happen if he does. Personally, I don't think my dad cares about us, nor do I think he loves us. If he did I think he would try harder. I may say Jeremys annoying but to be seperated from him, is just...I don't know. He's my brother and I know he looks up to me, a lot. He's just not as mature as I am to see what's going on. I havn't talked to my dad for awhile now. Last time we did, we got into a fight. He disgusts me. He makes me feel as if I am nothing, as he does to his own parents. I think they've totally given up on him. When my grandpa was in the hospital, my grandpa would always ask if my dad called. He never did. And it really hurt him. He's even said he didn't want my dad to come to his funeral. My dad's done so much shit to hurt them. He blames them for having to pay child support. Hey, you fucking asshole you fucked my mom, and had kids. It's not their fault where you stick your dick. And as I learned last year, you have no one to blame but yourself for things that happen in your life. But whatever nothing I say will ever get through to him. As for my mom she was there when I was little but as I grew up she kinda went away. I remember one of my birthdays she missed cause she had to work...I was really upset. And I remember when i was little and lived with my mom and dad, and i would be fast alseep and 12am would hit and i would hear that door because it made noise and i would wake up and say DADDY and run over to him. Wow..anyway. Now the subject of friends. My friends, they've always had my back. I love them to death. People come and go...but the ones who stay you know are your true friends or even the people who walk back into your life. They've always had the time to listen to me. To be honest, I'm afriad to cry infront of people. I always tend to hold back the hurt the best I can but sometimes, I just bawl. I don't know...I'm so greatful to have the people I have in my life I do. It's pretty funny how things work out how they do....
thanks to all my friends, my family that loves me, supports me and cares and all the bands out there that ive listened to thats inspired me to have faith.
i love you all <3
Something isn't right
I can feel it again feel it again
This isn't the first time
That you left me waiting
Sad excuses and false hopes high
I saw this coming still I don't know why
I let you in
I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)
So take your empty words your broken promises
And all the time you stole cause I am done with this
I can give it away give it away
I'm doin everything I should've
And now I'm makin a change
I'm living the day
I'm giving back what you gave me
I don't need anything
I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)
Everywhere I go
Everyone I meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared
What am I afraid of
I don't even know
This story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story
You're never coming back
Never..never..never..never.....[echo].....
I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)
Everywhere I go for the rest of my life (so predictable)
Everyone that I love
Everyone I care about
They're all gonna wanna know what's wrong with me (so predictable)
And I know what it is
I'm ending this right now..