if i died right now, i would be relieved...
i feel like dying. ive been at ally's house crying about travis for 6 hours. my eyes are puffy and red, my heart aches like it never has before, and i want to kill myself. it seems like hes trying to get back at me for when i broke up with him because i wasnt in love with him and didnt know how i felt. then i came back and im in love with him more than ever. turns out he doesnt feel the same way. he cant decide how he feels. apparently he LOVES me but istn IN LOVE with me. how can love just disappear like that? i mean is it seriously possible to fall in love with someone all over again? especially after something like that? i mean am i a horrible person for this? what did i do to deserve this? every single day it haunts me that i could hurt someone so badly. all i want to do is be with the boy i fell in love with. not the person he is now. cold and distant, insensitive and unkind. i want the boy that used to cry when i got mad at him, the one that bought me things to make me feel better. the one that would appologize everytime something didnt go my way, even if it wasnt his fault. i dont know what happened to that boy but apparently hes gone and if he comes back it will be a miracle. but right now, im not very hopeful. im depressed and alone and want to go home. i need help and an answer and nothing is good right now. goodnight...