Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Autumn has arrived and with it my first serious depression I think. It's the first weekend for me without any plans. It's not that I didn't went out but it wasn't as fast-lived as the ones before either, thus giving me more time to think about everything. I can't explain why but I kinda get doubts about my decision to come here. I mean the family is nice and I get along with the kids, should call myself lucky, but everytime I say "I'll go home now" it feels so wrong. How can I call a place "home" when it doesn't feel like it at all? Ok, I sort of felt the same way back in Potsdam, especially in the last few months but still. It's different here and it's like something is terrible amiss =( Maybe it's just not the right thing for me to do, being an Au-Pair that is. I can't stay around the kids all week, I need my space, too, or I'll go insane, but I still don't have that much contacts here yet and wandering around alone all the time doesn't help with the situation either. Well, I'll go through with the year anyway now and learn from the experience.