(no subject)
There's something truly calm and serene about acceptance. For awhile I boil, roil, my intestines flailing wildly about inside me in utter chaos as I try to make sense of my world, and the pain and anger that rages through me. Soon it will culminate into a giant overwhelming explosion of all the things I've been trying to fight for so long. Emotions. Everything gets mixed up and confusing and threatens to crush my mind under the weight of a thousand mountains and continues until I truly believe I have gone fully insane.
But then.
Then it disappates into a calm, quiet numb. Suddenly there is nothing there, and I can think rationally again. Suddenly I know that it will have to work out one way or the other eventually. I've come to accept that when it finally all does come to a head and works out into something else, it will be a relief no matter what the outcome. I'm not afraid of either path. I just wish I could get there soon.
Because I am physically suffering for my mental anguish.
But then.
Then it disappates into a calm, quiet numb. Suddenly there is nothing there, and I can think rationally again. Suddenly I know that it will have to work out one way or the other eventually. I've come to accept that when it finally all does come to a head and works out into something else, it will be a relief no matter what the outcome. I'm not afraid of either path. I just wish I could get there soon.
Because I am physically suffering for my mental anguish.