show night
it still doesn't feel like hell week. i mean, the "hell" part is in there, but i just feel so removed from the play itself. like during "ordinary day". there was just no emotion. and at circle, there were no tears. and even after the show, i felt no release, no consolation. instead, i was beating myself up over messing up my cue (come on, i have 2 friggin lines - how hard can it be? apparantly for me, too hard) and thinking of the semester exam in math. and if i could cry, i would. because i don't want to end my last show like this. i don't want to leave troupe with regret. but i'm afraid that i will. it just feels like there's something holding me back, pinning me to the wall when all i want to do is let go.
i'm sorry for being so emo - i try so hard not to let these things out.
i'm sorry for being so emo - i try so hard not to let these things out.